Are you a feminist?

I don't consider myself a feminist, even when my beliefs align with feminist beliefs, which is often. I have too many issues with how feminism has evolved over the years, and I don't think it's always been beneficial for women. It's complicated...very complicated for me. In short though, I don't think feminism has always done a good job of valuing traditional female roles or accepting that a lot of women are comfortable with those roles, and I think that male roles and identity got lost in the shuffle along the way, and with my generation, I think there is a direct correlation with how we have turned out, our attitudes and perceptions, and the break down of family dynamics. I don't think that women should just be at home moms or house wives if they don't want to be--especially since that life doesn't appeal to me at all. But I do think a lot of women feel pressured to be "Wonder Woman" and do it all--have the education, successful career, marriage, kids, extra-curricular "mom activities" and every adult responsibility you can imagine, because if you don't want that, then you don't appreciate what women in the generations before you had to suffer and sacrifice to give you the right. It's less about what women can do in society these days that I have a problem with (because I take full advantage of it, happily, and believe we should be able to do so), and more about the general outlook that I don't like.

I could go on and on about it, but...I probably better not. That's my perception in a nutshell. less

I agree with a lot of this, but I can't figure out if I'm a feminist or not. I think I would say I am not a feminist in the way that modern society has come to view it.

I was reading an article the other day by a well-known feminist who said she felt "betrayed" when women she knew choose to be full-time wives/mothers. She was outraged that someone could want that, and they should "know better." Unfortunately, that's the way feminism is now seen. Feminism, from what I understand, was about choice and equality, but the most vocal feminists lately have a slightly different message: "You have choices, but let me tell you what to choose because I know what's best for you. If you don't choose what I tell you, you aren't a feminist."

I guess what I'm saying is this: I don't care if you work. I don't care if you stay home. I don't care if you wear high heels to bake cookies or if you run barefoot through the forest. Do what you will, just understand why you are doing it. Do it because it fits you, not because you feel pressured.

Personally, I am one of those full time wives/mothers. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. Yes, I've heard obnoxious cracks about how I "wasted" money on an education. That's their view. To me, no matter what, education can never be considered a waste. I am where I am and do what I do because it fits who I am at this stage of my life.

Now, as for equal pay, equal rights, protection from domestic violence, having a choice in education and whether or not they work, I'm all for it. I'm all about equal rights. However, I'm not OK with someone else's view of what is "correct" being shoved down my throat.

I will say this: The next old man that suggests that I went to college to get my M.R.S. degree is likely to get punched in the face. less

See, THAT is exactly what I hate about a lot of feminist perspectives. A feminist feels "betrayed" when a woman becomes a stay at home mother? Well, tough shit, lady! Just because I have a vagina, it doesn't mean that I signed some oath to lead my life the way you think I should because of your personal political beliefs. How is that any less oppressive than being pigeonholed into traditional female roles? Those types of feminists really don't value feminine qualities, and just want women to be like men (signifying that they really do think men are more capable, worthwhile and "better" in some sense), only somehow superhuman. I don't understand why they don't value motherhood--you're raising the next generation of people, for crying out loud. Being a mother is one of the toughest and most important roles a person could ever have. Why people scoff at women who take on that role fully, is beyond me. less

I don't think that a lot of you are actually understanding what the core of feminism is. Just because someone who identifies as a feminist said that she felt "betrayed" by women who conform to traditional gender roles that doesn't mean that that is what feminism is about. Feminism is all about choice, the choice to wear makeup and high heels, or the choice to cut all of your hair off and wear sneakers. Neither of those is inferior if it is freely chosen. A woman can conform to every single gender role and still be an amazing feminist.

Also feminism is all about equality for both genders so I don't know why anyone would say that they are not a feminism for believing in that. That is literally the entire point of feminism. less

I don't think that a lot of you are actually understanding what the core of feminism is. Just because someone who identifies as a feminist said that she felt "betrayed" by women who conform to traditional gender roles that doesn't mean that that is what feminism is about. Feminism is all about choice, the choice to wear makeup and high heels, or the choice to cut all of your hair off and wear sneakers. Neither of those is inferior if it is freely chosen. A woman can conform to every single gender role and still be an amazing feminist.

Also feminism is all about equality for both genders so I don't know why anyone would say that they are not a feminism for believing in that. That is literally the entire point of feminism. less

I'm gonna jump in with those that dislike how feminism has transformed from equal rights to diminishing those that use these rights to choose to be a housewife or mother.

I'm also not fully sold on total equality between the sexes. We are different, no matter how much people may want to say otherwise. Sure, some women are super strong and can do more than most men, but there's also a large portion of women (myself included) who are just physically weaker. I can bitch up a storm saying I should be allowed to do manual labor, but in the end I'd just get hired to meet a quota for females on the job and probably end up injured or dead.

I try to live in reality. Reality dictates that people are not all equals. Some people are smarter than others, some stronger, some quicker, etc. Sometimes this is just a matter of person A versus person B, sometimes you can make a generalization (meaning "most" people fall into this, but not "all") by gender, age, occupation, etc. That's just how life is. Everyone is not a cookie cutter of the other, thus there will be differences. less

I actually agree with you about the equality thing. Men and women are different in lots of ways, and just like most species, females tend to be smaller and physically weaker. Hell, we can't even throw like men can because we did not evolve that way, because we weren't out hunting game with spears and rocks. Ever watch men's baseball and women's baseball? There's a reason why women pitch underhand and men pitch overhand. Ever watch men's gymnastics and women's gymnastics? There are different types of exercises between the sexes for a reason. Women don't have the upper body strength to do the rings, the even bars or the pommel horse. We are just different.

And I'm okay with that. I don't expect equality where I'm clearly not cut out for the job--I weigh about 105 lbs. I'm not capable of doing certain jobs, and you know what? It's okay! Women should be valued for their feminine traits and roles (especially motherhood), not sidelined or pressured into acting like a man with tits and womb.

But beyond obvious physical inequalities, I think male and female behavior is also different--gender roles are not all nurture, no matter how much people want to claim they are. We have different hormones that influence our behavior, so when people want to claim that men and women are exactly the same barring physical traits, I find that absurd. Well how do you think we got these secondary sex traits? If I wanted to start taking loads of testosterone, my voice would deepen, I'd start spouting chest and facial hair, and I'd be able to build muscle mass where I wouldn't normally be able to. But it also does have an effect on behavior. Do you think I could pump myself full of testosterone and be totally the same? How about taking estrogen?

Gender differences should be embraced, respected and valued, I think. I don't believe that attempting to erase all differences between men and woman or denying that they exist is realistic or healthy. I'm not inferior for embracing my femininity--I'm just different from men, and being different is okay. less

I'm gonna jump in with those that dislike how feminism has transformed from equal rights to diminishing those that use these rights to choose to be a housewife or mother.

I'm also not fully sold on total equality between the sexes. We are different, no matter how much people may want to say otherwise. Sure, some women are super strong and can do more than most men, but there's also a large portion of women (myself included) who are just physically weaker. I can bitch up a storm saying I should be allowed to do manual labor, but in the end I'd just get hired to meet a quota for females on the job and probably end up injured or dead.

I try to live in reality. Reality dictates that people are not all equals. Some people are smarter than others, some stronger, some quicker, etc. Sometimes this is just a matter of person A versus person B, sometimes you can make a generalization (meaning "most" people fall into this, but not "all") by gender, age, occupation, etc. That's just how life is. Everyone is not a cookie cutter of the other, thus there will be differences. less