Breaking The Cycle Of Abuse...Can It Be Done?

js250 js250
There are people who claim that if you were abused as a child, you will abuse your children. End of story. However, if you go through therapy to get help to learn how to break the cycle you may succeed at not carrying on the abuse. And then there are people like me...I knew I would not carry on the hurt that I went through as a child and from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I made a list of "I will not"....and it worked, I have never abused or even hurt my child in an abusive way. She is a wonderful adult with her own child and the circle was broken with me...

--How do you feel about the cycle being broken?
--Do you feel that people need professional help and that it is always there, but is dormant until set off?
--Do you think people can really change?
05/01/2013
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dancingduo dancingduo
Our story is similar. I won't go into detail but abuse can be broken. We have broken verbal and physical abuse from our generation. It was not a pretty fight and it took years to be ride of it even before we got married or met for that matter. Definitely find support! People can help you through it.
05/01/2013
Ciao. Ciao.
Many congratulations to both of you for your courage and perseverance.

Having not come from a background of abuse I cannot speak from personal experience. However, I am a firm believer in power of therapy, support, and self determination to make change. I am sure it is not easy to work through all of that if you come from an abusive background, but I am positive that people can and do overcome those challenges and break that cycle.
05/01/2013
Llewey Llewey
I know it can be broken. My mother was abused emotionally and physically as a child until she eventually ran away from home, and has never once hit me. To my knowledge she did not have professional therapy. She told me she used her meek, submissive mother and hot-headed illogical father as sort of "anti-role models." Basically she saw her parents and thought; "That's what I DON'T want to be as a parent." She loved both of her parents, but learned from their mistakes.
05/01/2013
GONE! GONE!
I think a big factor is the acceptance of the abuse actually being abuse. I know what happened to me as a kid was wrong, so why would I do it to anyone else? And then I know other people who were obviously abused as kids but don't see it as that and think it was all appropriate. I'm a little worried about their future kids.
05/01/2013
Castielskitten Castielskitten
Yes it can be broken. I was abused as a child, and even to this day my mother will have a go at me if she thinks I'm "threatening" her in any way (in other words looking prettier -_-; ) I will NEVER treat my child like that when I have one. Having been through the hurt and pain of abuse, I can't see myself putting anyone else through it.
I have been put through therapy, and it didn't even help, all they wanted me to do was lie to put the wrong man behind bars and I wouldn't lie. They gave up on me :/
05/01/2013
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My parent abused each other - never us. They set a very bad example. I was divorced after a 2 year marriage, my sister was divorced after a 5 year marriage and my brother has been divorced 2x.

All 3 of us were aware of the risks - but not well equipped to avoid repeating the problems of our parents.

My brother felt like he was abused - it never happened to me. He has always been a great parent and never abused his 2 girls - if anything he was too permissive.

There is a danger that someone who was abused will be too permissive - to avoid the appearance of abuse. It's not great for the children - but it's better than real abuse.
05/02/2013
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7