Jezebel.com has rounded up the 44 most ridiculous sex tips offered up by the magazine, Cosmo (thus the title of this thread!), which can be read here (link) for your pleasure!
Here's some of my favourites.
8. "Chew a small piece of mango... then take him in your mouth. You can use whatever fruit you have, just don't try anything too acidic, as it can burn him."
Non-acidic fruit won't burn... but it will probably feel just as weird and pulpy as it sounds.
10. "As you're going down on him, shake your head from side to side, letting your tongue follow the same pattern on the extra sensitive underside of his penis."
Huh?
11. "As you move your mouth up and down his shaft, rotate your hand in a corkscrew motion while spiraling your tongue in the opposite direction."
And remember ladies, never forget to smile!
15. "Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to 'sponge paint' his entire body. Then lick it off."
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn't this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?
22. "Mix one tablespoon of saliva (the kind deep in your throat works best - its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with one tablespoon of water to stretch the spit."
They don't really explain if you're supposed to whisk it together in a bowl in the kitchen, or if you should just hock a loogie onto his pre-moistened junk, but I trust your judgment.
27. [When you've got an annoying roommate] "Rent a horror movie and play it while you have sex. If they hear any screams, they'll assume it's the movie."
This will also create a relaxed ambiance.
Here's some of my favourites.
8. "Chew a small piece of mango... then take him in your mouth. You can use whatever fruit you have, just don't try anything too acidic, as it can burn him."
Non-acidic fruit won't burn... but it will probably feel just as weird and pulpy as it sounds.
10. "As you're going down on him, shake your head from side to side, letting your tongue follow the same pattern on the extra sensitive underside of his penis."
Huh?
11. "As you move your mouth up and down his shaft, rotate your hand in a corkscrew motion while spiraling your tongue in the opposite direction."
And remember ladies, never forget to smile!
15. "Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to 'sponge paint' his entire body. Then lick it off."
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn't this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?
22. "Mix one tablespoon of saliva (the kind deep in your throat works best - its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with one tablespoon of water to stretch the spit."
They don't really explain if you're supposed to whisk it together in a bowl in the kitchen, or if you should just hock a loogie onto his pre-moistened junk, but I trust your judgment.
27. [When you've got an annoying roommate] "Rent a horror movie and play it while you have sex. If they hear any screams, they'll assume it's the movie."
This will also create a relaxed ambiance.
