Could you have a serious relationship and possible marriage with someone if...?

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Could you have a serious relationship and possible marriage with someone if...?

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Contributor: Martiniman Martiniman
Could you have a serious relationship and possible marriage with someone if that person had previously had sex with one or more of your very close friends?

If your answer is yes, would it change your mind if your new love interest had previously had sex with several of your friends on many occasions?

If your answer is still yes, would it change your mind if your new love interest had allowed the people they were having sex with to photograph and video them in suggestive and nude poses and also engaged in sex and sex acts? These photos and videos were then seen on multiple occasions by you and many of your friends who were not having sex with this person.

If your answer is still yes, would you still remain friends with your friends? Would you worry your new partner would cheat on you with your friends? Would you worry your friends viewed your new partner as a sex target because of their past and your friends knowledge?


I'm simply curious how you feel!

This question is based on a real life situation. 20 plus years ago I had a close friend who shared a house with two roommates. The two roommates were having sex with this girl over several months and they were photographing and videoing her with her consent. The photos and videos were seen by me, my friend and several other people. The photos and videos were extremely graphic and XXX in nature with the girl displayed in the nude and in every position imaginable from solo to one on one sex and sex acts, to threesome sex. There was no emotional relationship, it was all just about sex. Many times while I was at their house visiting and she was there, she would walk around fully naked and on several occasions my other friends would ask her to masturbate for us, and she would. I was offered and even asked by the girl to have sex with her, which I declined!

About a month or so after the sexual relationship between this girl and the two guys ended, my friend shows up with her on his arm at a club as his date. A few months go by and they're engaged and a few months later they're married, even with his full knowledge, photo and video proof of what she had done with two of his very close friends and many others knowing as well. As his friends, we were all in disbelief that he would marry this girl, not because of her actions, but because she did it with his close friends who would continue being his friends, as well as his other friends had knowledge of it and had seen it in the photos and videos.
04/10/2013
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
It's just sex. Consenting adults and all that. And it does sound like there is judgment on the acts she performed, which is quite frankly no one's business but her husband's.
04/10/2013
Contributor: mpfm mpfm
I couldn't handle that. I am curious about the couple. Are they still married?
04/10/2013
Contributor: libbyv libbyv
i don't think it would matter
04/10/2013
Contributor: srexom srexom
probably could deal with it.
04/10/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
My personal position: If I fall in love with someone, their past is their past. Sure, I would want to know about things but I wouldn't hold anything they were honest about against them.
04/10/2013
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
It's just sex. Consenting adults and all that. And it does sound like there is judgment on the acts she performed, which is quite frankly no one's business but her husband's.
Totally agree!

Now, if I were the husband, I'd be interested in getting the pictures of the solo shots of the wife from 20 years ago...for posterity...
04/10/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Totally agree!

Now, if I were the husband, I'd be interested in getting the pictures of the solo shots of the wife from 20 years ago...for posterity...
For real, yo!
04/10/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Totally agree!

Now, if I were the husband, I'd be interested in getting the pictures of the solo shots of the wife from 20 years ago...for posterity...
Definitely this.
04/10/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
Obviously there is no secrets about what her lifestyle was like prior to the marriage. Why should you judge her and her husband for things that happened in the past--you probably had sex prior to your current relationship. If her and her husband are good with the past--maybe everyone should quit judging and let it go.....
04/10/2013
Contributor: melissa1973 melissa1973
I totally agree with Jr. Grab some copies of the pics. People as we age we settle down, when we were kids that was our time to act out whither it's through expierementing with drugs, alcohol or sex. Most of the time what we did as kids doesn't matter unless you contract some sort of STD.
04/10/2013
Contributor: Chastity Darling Chastity Darling
Thank heavens there is no photographic proof of my past (as far as I know), so I wouldn't judge someone else for embracing their own sexuality.
04/10/2013
Contributor: KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
It wouldn't bother me. Everyone has a past and I don't think that changes who they are. I would still remains close with my friend as well.
04/10/2013
Contributor: Martiniman Martiniman
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
It's just sex. Consenting adults and all that. And it does sound like there is judgment on the acts she performed, which is quite frankly no one's business but her husband's.
Let me clear something up...I have never and am not judging the girl. We became good friends and remained friends until our lives naturally drifted apart. I repeat...I'm NOT judging her!

This was not a question about her sex life! It was a question asking if you could be seriously involved with someone whom all of your friends had extreme intimate knowledge of either thru having sex with them, seeing them naked or seeing the xxx photos and videos of them.

I added the real life experience as an example and it was the inspiration for the question.
04/10/2013
Contributor: Martiniman Martiniman
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Obviously there is no secrets about what her lifestyle was like prior to the marriage. Why should you judge her and her husband for things that happened in the past--you probably had sex prior to your current relationship. If her and her husband are ... more
Please re-read the question...I'm NOT judging her. She and her situation were simply the inspiration for the question. I'm simply asking if you could be serious with someone whom all your friends had extreme intimate knowledge of.
04/10/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
If none of my friends were acting strangely about it, say always bringing it up, everything would be fine. But, if there was a bunch of friction, I would choose my serious partner/spouse over the friends! A true love match is harder to find than friends!
04/10/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I don't have any female friends where I live, so it's difficult to answer this question from an accurate standpoint. However, based on how I feel about different things, I think it would be extremely difficult for me and I would have to process a lot emotionally in order to get through it.
04/10/2013
Contributor: rosythorn rosythorn
It would matter to me. but if it doesn:t matter to him then go for it. But I would not like my best friends to have naked pics of my honey. just TMI
04/10/2013
Contributor: snowminx snowminx
errr no, I don't want a guy that not only messed around with all my friends but also showed pictures of himself naked and doing sexual acts! I think intimate pictures are for the two lovers, not for the world to see. Also who's to say that friend didn't develop feelings even though people just thought it was "just sex"?
I don't care what guys have done in the past but I think your private life should be just that, private. If he told and showed his friends that he did then whos to say he doesn't go off and tell everyone what we did? I'm not fine with that.
Also about the question about a lot of friends a lot of them time....no way, not even thinking about that. It would make me feel like I was just a "quest" just another friend he's just checking off his list. What other reason would someone do that and not go out and find someone new???
04/10/2013
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Martiniman
Could you have a serious relationship and possible marriage with someone if that person had previously had sex with one or more of your very close friends?

If your answer is yes, would it change your mind if your new love interest had ... more
My hubby and I were best friends and confidants in college. He knew the guys I dated, I knew the girls he dated. We often set each other up with dates. He dated a good friend of mine and it was a year after we were married, when moving into our first house, I found the video's and photos of them together. I knew about them (he had told me), but I had never watched them. I was curious and did watch them. I then asked him to toss them out, and proceeded to do everything she had done to him on that tape or in the photos, making sure to do it WAY better. Then I reminded him he had made the right choice marrying me. What happened before the "I do" has no influence at all on the life that happens after the "I do". That is the "time" that matters.
04/10/2013
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Obviously there is no secrets about what her lifestyle was like prior to the marriage. Why should you judge her and her husband for things that happened in the past--you probably had sex prior to your current relationship. If her and her husband are ... more
Agreed.
04/10/2013
Contributor: chicmichiw chicmichiw
Oh, sure -- if they had mistreated or deceived people that I know (whether it's relevant to the sex or not) then it would change my opinion.
04/10/2013