First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and what you are going through.
I suffer from depression and mood disorders and have my whole life. Even as a toddler my parents (who adopted me) noticed odd behavior, like types of self-harming such as ripping my hair out in handfuls if I was frustrated because I was put in a time out, or being moody. It turns out I am bipolar and also suffer from something called IED, which is just how it sounds, it's an anger disorder called intermittent explosive disorder, which basically means I'm hot-headed with a temper, but have put holes in the walls more than a few times. Luckily I'm not violent towards others or animals (unless backed in a corner, I did have an abusive ex who would push me around and I started to push back).
As far as my depression goes, I started off with a lot of medications that basically numbed me completely, but I couldn't feel other emotions either, like happiness, excitement, etc. So now, I learned to deal with it in other ways, and I no longer have SIB (self harming) even if I have the compulsions, I learned to handle it creatively, by writing or doing things I love.
SOME days, I have to physically be removed from the bed, forced to take care of myself such as eating, brushing my hair, etc. because the depression gets bad. Luckily, my hubby knows exactly how to handle those moods, since his mother had the same issue. And he doesn't mind taking care of me, because I take good care of him as well when he has a problem