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I went to family dinner last night, and I swear I'm done with it. My mother and sister took everything I told my daughter NOT to do and let her do it. Then, I had to be the bad guy. It's not only exhausting but aggravating. Do you have family
I went to family dinner last night, and I swear I'm done with it. My mother and sister took everything I told my daughter NOT to do and let her do it. Then, I had to be the bad guy. It's not only exhausting but aggravating. Do you have family or friends that undermine your parenting?
No one does this to me because I don't let them.
Rule One of not allowing people to undermine your parenting; Never EVER accept "free" baby sitting, especially while you work, every day, or over week ends etc, from people you don't want involved in your parenting
. When you leave your kids in the care of someone for FREE who has a stake in their care, you are basically saying, "I'm not an adult. I can either not pay for my own child care, or I think someone owes me FREE childcare, so I'm letting myself be beholden to others by using them for free child care."
I realized when I first had kids, my parents and my inlaws were going to try to get involved. Serious discussion followed. "I'm an adult. My husband is an adult. THESE are our kids. YOU have already raised your kids and had a chance to do what you think is right. THESE are OUR rules and they stay. IF you choose to break our parenting rules, contact will be severely limited." That meant if grandma decided to give S something I told her S should not have to eat, or let her do something we said she should not do, S (and the other kids) would not visit for several months
. Not even once. We did this, we stuck to our guns, and eventually they realized we were NOT going to give in and let them take over.
Nobody interferes with the way we parent our kids because we made it clear WE were the expert on our own children and we were adult enough not to "depend" on others to do ANY of our parenting responsibilities.
I think allowing others to "help out" is a bad bad idea. Play with your kids? Sure. Visit grandma and grandpa on occasion. Absolutely. But, participate in raising the kids, because I felt I deserved free child care? No. "Free" child care is never free
Having kids is a rite of adulthood. Using parents, in-laws, sisters in law etc for "free" child care says, "I'm not an adult, I can't do this. Do it for me!" Then people feel the desire and even think you NEED them to get in your business with the way your kids are raised.
If ever there was a time to stand up and say, "I'm the expert on these little people, you can agree with my rules, or changes in contact will be made" having kids is the time to say it. That means while you are still in the hospital after the birth. It starts then. Then, it gets harder.