Do you ever feel you do not deserve to be happy?

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Do you ever feel you do not deserve to be happy?

js250 js250
Many people have insecurities or traumas in their life that undermines their mental sense of well being. One of the major mental issues people face for whatever reason is an inability to believe they deserve to be happy. These people often subconsciously undermine their own happiness.

--Do you feel you deserve to be happy?
--What are some of the factor that contribute to your answer (both yes and no answers, please).
--Have you ever noticed that you undermine yourself in happiness or other areas of your life?
05/03/2013
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Woman China Woman China
I am usually a very happy-go-lucky person- even though I don't always show it. I am very optimistic and practical. And have a unique sense of humour. I eat well, I exercise, I spend a fair bit of time outside. I love the world, but not such a big fan of most people. I know I am happy 98% of the time.

Maybe 90% of the time.

Whenever I spoke to one of my sisters I always feel as if I am not good enough and all those negative emotions as she enjoys belittling and sharing her feelings of insecurity to other people. But not sharing her insecurities, but making the person she is talking to feel insecure. How she goes on about how I don't care for our family enough because I choose to live on the other side of the planet.

This goes on and on. But I think you get the hint.

After speaking to her, or hearing about the horrible comments she passes onto the rest of the family, or hear about all the terrible things she has done sometimes I feel just so low and so sad depressed even that we are from the same parents, the same house, we grew up together maybe I am really just like her and all the happy-go-lucky parts of me is just an act. It is only during these times do I stop being happy as my "resolve" is shaken/tested or however you say that.

JS250... where do you come up with these threads? They are brilliant!!!
05/03/2013
tami tami
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Many people have insecurities or traumas in their life that undermines their mental sense of well being. One of the major mental issues people face for whatever reason is an inability to believe they deserve to be happy. These people often ...
I would love to be happy...I have battled depression most of my adult life and would love to just be happy for even one day...depression sucks I do deserve to be happy everyone does, although medication does help sometimes it is not enough and I am on some pretty potent stuff.
05/03/2013
Mr. John Mr. John
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Many people have insecurities or traumas in their life that undermines their mental sense of well being. One of the major mental issues people face for whatever reason is an inability to believe they deserve to be happy. These people often ...
Pessimists are insecure, but only account for a small fraction of the population. A pessimist is never surprised by the worst, because they expect the worst, and feel deserving of the worst when it occurs. A pessimist is satisfied with mediocrity, and never strive for something better. It is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Now, the vast majority of people are optimists. That is how people get through life. They expect good things, and so they deserve good things. However, just because your an optimist, it does not mean you have good judgment, or are you on equal footing with others who are optimists. Probably only about one percent of people are truly deserving of being an optimist. But, no matter whether you deserve being an optimist or not, being an optimist allows you to go through life explaining bad things as not being your fault.
05/03/2013
sunflower sunflower
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Many people have insecurities or traumas in their life that undermines their mental sense of well being. One of the major mental issues people face for whatever reason is an inability to believe they deserve to be happy. These people often ...
I deserve it. Sometimes I don't think so but most of the time I'm positive that I do. I think stuff I went through and learned from did the opposite and me realize that I shouldn't have to put up with that crap. And that I deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else. I don't intentionally undermine my happiness, but I think that there are a lot of things that I should do to contribute to my well being that I'm not doing.
05/03/2013
HoneyBear69 HoneyBear69
a lot of the time
05/03/2013
spiced spiced
During one of the lowest points in my adult life, I was hospitalized for depression for over two weeks. It was a painful experience in many ways, but I also learned things that have helped me to not get disabled by depression again. One of the most useful things I learned was that it's important to recognize our attitude, and to look at whether our attitude fits the situation or not. And if not, to look at what attitude would fit.

The example my therapist used was traffic lights. Some people go through life focusing on the red lights, he said; they get upset by unexpected, and seemingly undeserved, bad luck (red lights), and don't get happy about the equally undeserved good luck (green lights) they get. He said people who tend to get upset by the red lights in life were more likely to get majorly depressed than people who tend to "woo hoo" the green lights.

I saw his point. It doesn't actually make sense to get upset by bad luck, although it's a natural reaction for a lot of us. It's just as logical (or illogical) to celebrate good luck, even though celebrating it doesn't come naturally — BUT it can be learned.

Since then, I've worked to practice noticing and celebrating good luck, and writing off bad luck for what it is: something bad, beyond my control, which happened. It's amazing how much better it feels to focus on, accept, and celebrate the good things than it does to get high blood pressure over the bad things.

So, to FINALLY answer your question: No — I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. I don't feel like I deserve to be unhappy. I don't feel like I deserve the good OR the bad luck I get. As Will Munny said to Little Bill in Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it."

And yeah, I used to undermine myself. I used to believe that I was obligated to live up to certain standards. First, they were my parents' standards. Then my friends', teachers' and coaches' standards. Then, when I started having relationships, they became my partners' standards. When I tried to look at myself through their eyes, I never figured that I fully met expectations. And I figured that if there was a Higher Power, I didn't met that standard, either.

So, when something bad happened to me, I figured I deserved it. When something good happened, I believed I didn't deserve it. And I guess I wanted the world to be fair, so I tried to sabotage whatever good fortune it was. Like, when I finally had a great relationship with a girl, I cheated on her the first chance I got. And I "confessed" it to her. And our relationship was ruined.

Now, I don't worry about standards. I figure I'm just the way I'm supposed to be. I'm just the way Nature (or the Higher Power of the faith of your choice) made me. When something bad happens, I try to just say "fuck it" and get on with what I'm doing. I know I didn't deserve it. When something good happens, I make sure to notice it and celebrate it. I didn't deserve it, either, and it's awesome. Like winning the lottery. It still doesn't come 100% naturally to do that, but it's easier than it used to be. And I don't feel any need to undermine myself anymore. I like green lights. And I feel a LOT better. About everything.
05/04/2013
SourAppleMartini SourAppleMartini
At this point of my life I am questioning whether I did deserve to be born at all. I have lived a fairly privileged life, but was never able to us the opportunities that were given to me.As for happiness - I am not sure. I have not been happy for a very long time, so I guess I got what I deserved.
05/04/2013
GONE! GONE!
I think I do. I'm not a terrible person. Well, sometimes I am but it's not like it's not a reaction to a terrible world where I have to watch my back all the time.
I think I should be happy, I'm just not sure how to get there.
05/04/2013
KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
Deep down, I think I do deserve to be happy, but I do get in my own way a lot. My past has a lot to do with it, but I don't want to share all that and bum people out.
05/04/2013
Mr. John Mr. John
Quote:
Originally posted by SourAppleMartini
At this point of my life I am questioning whether I did deserve to be born at all. I have lived a fairly privileged life, but was never able to us the opportunities that were given to me.As for happiness - I am not sure. I have not been happy for a ...
I cannot imagine that you deserve to be unhappy. You live in Australia, which is one of my favorite countries. I would suggest you get involved in an outdoor team sport, or group adventure. Go with some friends and explore your country. Here in the United States, many people don't venture outside their own State. Myself, I dived off Cairns at the Great Barrier Reef, seen rain forests, visited Crocodile waters, slid down waterfalls into tranquil pools, visited Steve Irwin’s zoo, visited Ayers rock at sunset, camp and dine under the desert stars, I bought a 5ft. didgeridoo, drank the wine in Adelaide, seen Kangaroo Island top to bottom (absolutely amazing), seen the elusive Platypus, the waterways of Sydney, the Blue Mountains, the Brisbane Zoo, a walk-a-bout in the desert, the Twelve Apostles, and fabulous restaurants galore.

My intent was not to give you my travel itinerary, but to convey what wonderful opportunities you have available to you. Find a friend, take a sightseeing tour, anything you can do to be with other people and have an adventure. Make a point to do this on a regular basis. Force yourself if need be. Lookup Ligurian honey bees, Remarkable Rocks, Kelly Hill Caves. Get out and see them. See newly hatched Penguins in the wild, and taste fried cheese from a sheep farm.

Get a calendar, and start planning those sightseeing trips on a regular basis.

You deserve to be happy, but happiness will not always seek you out. Sometimes you have to look for it. But, I have no doubt that you will find it.
05/04/2013
Ryuson Ryuson
I have, but it's a stupid thing to feel. No matter what you've done or what kind of shit you're in, everyone deserves to be at least a little happy now and again.

I know how it feels to be sick of everything, but at the same time, I know how it feels to drag yourself (or be dragged out of) that cycle. It's tough sometimes, but it's always worth it.

05/04/2013
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
I am usually a very happy-go-lucky person- even though I don't always show it. I am very optimistic and practical. And have a unique sense of humour. I eat well, I exercise, I spend a fair bit of time outside. I love the world, but not such a big ...
Thank you! I have been reading some of my early journals, talking to friends and just being very...introspective lately. I have also been writing them down as I think of them instead of assuming I will remember--then don't.
05/04/2013
js250 js250
I used to...but when I got a new attitude on life due to a traumatic event--I realized that the negative thinking was what was getting in the way of my happiness. You cannot blame life or other people for your emotions, YOU are the one responsible for your emotions, future and happiness. I will not say there are not days when I am seriously depressed, but they are much fewer and do not last as long as they used to in the past.
(Sorry for the double post--I hit the wrong button, damn Windows 8!
05/04/2013
Feisty Feisty
I feel like I deserve to be happy and I feel like everyone else deserves to be happy too.
05/04/2013
bayosgirl bayosgirl
A few months ago, I would have answered yes. I have struggled with clinical depression and anxiety since childhood. But lately, I've been happier than I ever have been in my life. I'm expecting my first child, and apparently the combination of hormones and being psyched about becoming a mother is making some changes for me. I hope that it keeps up. I believe it will. In answer to the OP, I believe everyone deserves to be happy, but nothing/no one can MAKE them happy. That's an inside job.
05/04/2013
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 13