Do You Have Long-Term Secrets?

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Do You Have Long-Term Secrets?

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Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
I guess it's pretty self-explanatory. Do you have a lot of secrets, or did you ever have a very large secret that you had to keep for several months, even years?

When I was with my ex, I had a secret that I kept from my family for almost three years, because it was my partner's secret and was not mine to tell. And yet, I do not really understand how it could have been a secret, because... it's just that he had a daughter with a 'friend with benefits', and he only speaks of her as my 'best friend's daughter'.

She has asked for a child and that he would not have any responsibility in exchange, and he accepted. He did not consider himself the father, even less the dad. But he firmly denies having a child. The child knows who is her biological father by now, since her parents are still best friends, but I feel sorry for that little creature. They spend sometimes Christmas together, and they spend some quality time together, and yet, he does not accept her as her daughter. One day she will be old enough to feel hurt about this rejection. And seriously, I can't really blame her, since what he is doing to that child is heartless, at least to me. Even if the deal was no responsibility, recognizing someone as part of your family is completely free.

I did not only keep his secret for his sake, but I also knew that my mother would not approve that people can do 'deals' like that to have children. And also... because somehow I did not want to have to have to answer my family's question about the situation, especially since I did not approve myself of the way he dealt with the situation. I broke up with him mostly of the love triangle that he had created with me and the girl's mother. She was his best friend and the best person that he had ever met in his life. But I came second even as his girlfriend.

So yeah, I can't really ask you to share your current large secrets just like I won't be sharing my present ones, but if you had any large ones in the past, feel free to share as well.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
No.
7
Nothing that really matters.
5
Yes, but mostly about reviewing sex toys.
3
Yes, a few ones.
23
Yes, I have a huge secret and...
15
...it is known only by myself /and the person concerned.
9
...it is known by my best friend(s) only.
9
...it is known by my partner/spouse only.
7
...it is known by my family or members of the family only.
4
...it is kept from my best friend(s).
5
...it is kept from my partner/spouse.
5
...it is kept from my family or members of the family.
17
Other.
3
Total votes: 112 (52 voters)
Poll is closed
06/06/2010
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Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
I never told my mother, to this day, about losing my babies. It was a hard thing for me to go through, but I never said a word to her. I never told her that a friend of mine and the son of a close friend of hers raped me when I was 16 and we were all on vacation together.

I live with my grandma and she doesn't know about my sex toy habit. I keep plenty of secrets from my family. My best friend, though more vanilla than vanilla ice cream, knows everything and is fairly understanding of it all.
06/07/2010
Contributor: Annemarie Annemarie
My family (however small it is) knows so little about my personal things, including my sexual orientation and my toy fascination, as well as some past familial dramas that I've never told anyone about.
06/07/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
I never told my mother, to this day, about losing my babies. It was a hard thing for me to go through, but I never said a word to her. I never told her that a friend of mine and the son of a close friend of hers raped me when I was 16 and we were ... more
It's odd how we tends to keep our wounds to ourselves, while we secretly wish we could have the support of our family for that type of things. I also did not tell my family that I had to go through a series of medical tests to make sure that one of my medical conditions was not caused by a brain tumor. If it had been the case, I was pretty sure that I would not tell them, at least not right away.
06/07/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I cannot think of one thing that not at least one person knows about. The things that most people don't know are not because of shame or embarrassment, but more out of the emotional turmoil it takes to repeat them. I don't have many secrets at all. I don't like hiding or lying. It eats at you. I spread my "secrets" around even if only one person knows.
06/07/2010
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I have a secret that I keep to myself and feel great regret for these mistakes from the past. I am in the long process of forgiving myself. At times guilt sort of gets me but I try to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes and it helps.
06/07/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I have a couple big ones, not all involving me.

Because of the age difference and interracial aspect with our relationship, Cyn and I kept our relationship hidden from her parents...that's long since out of the bag though.

and there are a few others that really don't need to be brought up here.
06/07/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
For about nine years (after the first year of marriage) I had hated my husband. I was in denial that I hated him, and I never BREATHED a word to ANYONE, let alone him, that I hated him. I think my hate started when he began blaming me for 'killing' his libido, but he was still physically affectionate to me in public. What a fucking lie we showed to the world.

I think it was during our last year together that I was reaching the bottom of my reserves with him, and he began noticing that I was into my escapism more than usual. By the time I was in a crisis unit when I reached total-empty, he knew I was going to boot him out once I recharged enough to tell him. And I did. At least the leech took it with good grace.

Since then I've been very open about having been an emotional hostage in my sexless marriage. I've managed to horrify people who ask. 'Why did you stay?' Because I was scared of being alone, I was scared that I would always be alone once I got rid of him, and I thought that since I got into this mess I had to live with it. I don't believe any of that now.

Can anyone tell that we're going to be signing the divorce papers this week?
06/07/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
I only have one or two, but they're only hidden from family members.
06/07/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
For about nine years (after the first year of marriage) I had hated my husband. I was in denial that I hated him, and I never BREATHED a word to ANYONE, let alone him, that I hated him. I think my hate started when he began blaming me for ... more
Oh babe, I really don't know how you had the strength to go through that marriage for so long. Being single is not frightening. I'm happier now than I was with my ex even if I've been single for more than a year. I do not want to be unhappy ever again.

I'm glad you're signing those papers. We'll have to celebrate!
06/07/2010
Contributor: KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
For about nine years (after the first year of marriage) I had hated my husband. I was in denial that I hated him, and I never BREATHED a word to ANYONE, let alone him, that I hated him. I think my hate started when he began blaming me for ... more
I'm sorry honey. I've never experienced anything of that magnitude, but I've stopped dating (for almost a year now), initially because of a bad breakup. I continued staying single because I reflected that I had been with them in the first place because I didn't want to be alone. I grew fond of some of them, but I never really liked them that much. I think it hurt the most when I was rejected. I didn't like being dumped because it made me feel inadequate as a woman. The men I have dated seem to be fickle creatures. They like me for me and then want me to change who I am. The last one worried that I would embarrass him in public at the military ball. I should have kicked him in the balls when he told me that. Never have I been more offended.

As for secrets, I have quite a few: only close friends know about my sex toy collection and my reviewing "gig," as they like to call it, I've also recently entered the webcam industry. Actually, last night was my first time on camera. I need the money, and I don't mind doing it. I can last a lot longer than most of the guys who want to pay me for entertainment, so at least I'm not getting an overdose of self-play. I have only admitted doing webcam shows to 2 friends. Only one knows the intimate details, while the other, my roommate simply knows that I plan to do it. I figured since her room is right next to mine that the adult thing to do would be being honest.

My mother would be shocked and offended about anything above. I'm really close to my mother, and sometimes it upsets me that we can't talk about these things. I think the webcam thing would make her cry. She'd act like I'm a prostitute on a dirty street corner and probably try pushing money my way that she couldn't afford to give me in the first place.
02/11/2011
Contributor: Envy Envy
I can't really talk to my family about anything, I'd be in a lot of trouble, even at my age now despite being an adult. They're just so quick to judge and disapprove about things and just throw you to the wolves kinda thing that i can never say how i really feel or tell them anything.
02/11/2011
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
My family has no idea how kinky I really am or well...anything that's consider private. I just don't tell them. I don't tell my friends. I keep it between my husband and I and it works. I don't have any secrets from him.
02/11/2011
Contributor: BadassFatass BadassFatass
I have secrets from my family because I know I would be judged or looked at differently because of these particular incidents. Telling them isn't worth the problems it would cause. So, I have told a couple of people that I am close to, including my partner.
02/11/2011
Contributor: biggieaddict biggieaddict
I have secrets only I know, only my wife and friends know, only my family knows. I'd happily be more open, but Ive finally learned that humans are judgemental pains even in my well-worn ass. Even worse than being judged is having to listen to the same rant/s for literally decades. So, secrets.
04/25/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I do not have any secrets of my own. I am an open book. If you ask me, I'll tell you. I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore. Life is too damn short to torture myself like that. Sure, I have made major mistakes in my life, but those mistake help make up who I am today. That said, you still have to know how to pick your battles. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut because I do not care to have a political debate over a specific subject.

Secrets generate shame. Shame is an awful thing to put yourself through. I have found by simply shedding a little light on the secret (telling one person) the shame vanishes completely; hence the reason I have no more secrets! If someone feels it appropriate to judge me based on something I have done, so be it. I probably don't need them in my life anyway.

When someone asks me, specifically, not to tell anyone, I immediately ask why and explain that I have no secrets, especially from my husband. And then I ask them if they are sure they still want to tell me.
04/25/2011
Contributor: PersonalAngel PersonalAngel
I have secrets but as far as the EF toys Im very open about it.
04/25/2011
Contributor: Mrs.Tee Mrs.Tee
Quote:
Originally posted by Kynky Kytty
I guess it's pretty self-explanatory. Do you have a lot of secrets, or did you ever have a very large secret that you had to keep for several months, even years?

When I was with my ex, I had a secret that I kept from my family for almost ... more
Sounds like a pretty intenses secret that you had, you wouldnt want to be with someone like that anyway, because you always have to put yourself in that persons shoes, if you were to have a child by him even though you all were a couple would he do your child the same way?? Things like that always linger in the back of my mind, thats why if a guy has kid/s i want to know how actively involve he is in their lives because if he is not i really dont want to deal with him because if it comes a point in time in our relationship that i get pregnant the same thing that he is doing to his current children that he already has is the same thing that he is going to do to mine. But i have never kept a terrifying secret... I think that YOUR business is not EVERYBODY"S else business..not necessarily secrets. Some things should be kept private and discreet.
02/27/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
Indeed I do, but they are "shared" with the people who matter.
02/27/2013
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
Plenty of secrets that I keep from family. A few that I keep from friends.
02/27/2013
Contributor: Jax Jackson Jax Jackson
I keep a lot of things from my family. Not so much from my friends.
02/27/2013
Contributor: EmuLove EmuLove
My hubby and I are super honest but I don't trust other people so I don't talk to friends much about sensitive items
02/27/2013
Contributor: Real or memorex Real or memorex
I have a few. I don't talk about them.
02/27/2013
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I can't really think of anything in particular.
02/27/2013
Contributor: Allstars316 Allstars316
Yes a few of them. They are staying in the vault.
02/28/2013