Ever had cosmetic surgery?

No, and I've made the decision that I'll never do it. Okay, when it comes to saggy face/wrinkes, I WILL do something about that if ever needed. Only because I guess I'm really self conscious about that happening and I just wouldn't feel happy with myself, and to an extreme extent. I know, it's sad to feel that way. It's not a *good* thing, but it's one feeling that I cannot help. It's something

However, I almost did get implants -- oh thank God for such a sudden change of heart! My problem is I have one breast a couple sizes larger, and too many people noticed. As a young girl, people always had something to say about them. And for as long as I can remember people would say something like "I heard you have two different boobs." Assholes. So I was insecure and insecure enough to let them actually get to me and believe that mine were bad/wrong because of the difference in size and because well, they didn't look like two round basket balls perched on a chest out of nowhere. That is what we're taught is beauty -- fakeness. And I fell for it for some time.

I had an appointment, a consultation and was so ready to finally "fix" me and before going through with actual surgery, I had a huge and sudden change of heart. I'd felt so much hate towards my chest since my boobs arrived that I never thought about ever keeping them how they are. I did not give them a chance, and I certainly did not listen to my own idea of what beauty is. If I had, I'd have had little problem with my boobs.

And my partner who I've been with for 6 years did not encourage my plans. My consultation was only a few months after we were together. I'd planned for this since my early teen years, sadly. When he learned about my appointment he said "I really don't want you to do that to yourself. I love your boobs! I will miss them." And I was so shocked because no other partner had responded in that kind of way! They all said something along the lines of "hell yea, can I help chip in?" Such assholes! I was so dumb to have them.

So days after hearing those words from my partner "I'll miss them. I love your boobs." I kept thinking and thinking. After a few more weeks I was thinking on it trying to see the future, how it'd be afterward. And the only things I could think of was "why do I hate them so much?" There wasn't much of a reason. I had heard my partner say he loved them, and it made me lose the desire to have implants, and then I realized that I was never doing it for me like I thought, but for... other people. How weird. Then when we had a lengthy conversation, I was still thinking I'd do it. I told him I was going to, but wanted to know his preferences. He said he really did not want me changing them, but no matter what I done to them, he'd still love them. Then I realized that if you love somebody, that really doesn't matter. He already loved me. Only I thought it would be necessary to get implants to complete a partner's love for me, and this idea was in my head for years. I just assumed that implants would make me finally good enough!

So anyways, long, long thinking brought me to the conclusion that it was stupid to do this for someone else, especially since now I'd had a partner who didn't "require" implants! Then I had little desire to do it, so it became less important to me. I finally decided if I couldn't come up with a reason that I needed it done for me and only me, then there was no reason. And I actually started liking my boobs! I don't love them everyday, but I am greatful for the ones I have, and I hate that I spent so many years cursing them. I love that I did not have any surgery done to them.

I remember one day only months after calling off the surgery. I was looking in the mirror and thought "God! I would so miss these guys if I'd have changed them!" LOL. What a turn around, huh?