Fetlife, I hate you

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Fetlife, I hate you

Owl Identified Owl Identified
Am I the only one that stays off Fetlife for a few weeks (or months) and returns, naively, thinking the rampant assholery of that social networking site is somehow not as bad as they remembered it being only to find...IT IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE. Not to step on the toes of those that enjoy that site, in fact power to you for being able to get something out of it in spite of all of this, sincerely. But does anyone else experience this? I feel like I can't be the only one...
08/29/2010
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Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Am I the only one that stays off Fetlife for a few weeks (or months) and returns, naively, thinking the rampant assholery of that social networking site is somehow not as bad as they remembered it being only to find...IT IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE. ...
If a shitter. Just a place for assholes to further the stereotype that people into any sort of kink are assholes. They bitch that you don't see things their way, that there's some goddamned Bible for being a sub or slave or this or that...it's all labels and fucking insanity. I'm considering deleting my account, honestly. So is my boyfriend.
08/29/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Blinky! So glad that you commented, because I generally find you to be funny and witty and smart and such. It makes me feel validated that you also hate Fetlife, lol. I never delete it...I just go on hiatus...it's like a hot coil I just keep touching but refuse to turn off...
08/29/2010
Blinker Blinker
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Blinky! So glad that you commented, because I generally find you to be funny and witty and smart and such. It makes me feel validated that you also hate Fetlife, lol. I never delete it...I just go on hiatus...it's like a hot coil I just keep ...
DAMMIT! You found my high school yearbook photo.

It's like a bad trainwreck. It's horrible but you can't not watch or read what people are saying. I keep saying "UGH FetLife you're gross" while I click through discussions. Totally unhealthy, lol.
08/29/2010
TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
I'm pretty active there. I am a greeter and moderate one of the larger groups. I have to be on there daily to do my duties. To be honest, this isn't the first time I've heard something like this. I just don't see it though. I mean, I just think that whenever you are- it is what you make of it. I see the people who believe in the 'true ways' or whatever and mostly ignore it. I belong to groups that keep it at a minimum. I really like it. Some of the threads are boring, repetitive, and riddled with ridicule, but some of them are really thought-provoking.

I don't think there is any place quite like it. I mean, obviously due to my level of involvement with them I like it there...
08/29/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Dunno what fetlife is...
08/29/2010
Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Dunno what fetlife is...
You're not missing much. Promise.

@Op - The site could've been awesome. Unfortunately, it seems more like a place to make fun of newbies and people not just like you, these days. ~wrinkles nose~
08/29/2010
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Am I the only one that stays off Fetlife for a few weeks (or months) and returns, naively, thinking the rampant assholery of that social networking site is somehow not as bad as they remembered it being only to find...IT IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE. ...
I agree. It's like everybody's in 3rd grade at a school where you are encouraged to behave like an asshat. There are some decent thinkers on the site, it's just that having to put up with everybody else just to have a conversation with one of them ends up being soooo not worth the time.

It's been ages since I've been back...again. Last time I quit all but a handful of groups and every once in awhile, I start getting notices by email from them when someone starts a thread. So they manage to annoy me by email even when I don't log in.
08/29/2010
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Pff, Fetlife is for the birds. It's all a popularity contest. It's MySpace for kinky people.

"Oh my God, I have the hottest pictures on Fetlife!"

"Oh my God, you're totally not commenting on me!"

"Look at meeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm being a twue slave!"

Yeah, Fetlife can suck my left nut. I met the person I'm talking to currently on there. That's the only productive thing that has come of that site for me.
08/30/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
Pff, Fetlife is for the birds. It's all a popularity contest. It's MySpace for kinky people.

"Oh my God, I have the hottest pictures on Fetlife!"

"Oh my God, you're totally not commenting on ...
I just wanted to pop in and tell you that I also use the phrase "[insert person/place/thing here] can suck my left nut". All the time.
08/30/2010
clp clp
I had high hopes for FetLife in the beginning. I have not participated in any social networking site before (save twitter, but does that count?), so I was excited to try it out. Nope... just as I expected, people showing off and spouting non-sense.

I don't participate or even 'friend' anyone on my profile, but I do keep my profile active in order to check in on groups for meetups. That is what I find invaluable, by the way--before FetLife, it felt impossible to find out about area groups and events. Now, it is all in one spot. It is easier for those groups to work together, as well. It is pretty incredible that I can peek in on British groups and start to make friends, in preparation for my moving. GOD BLESS, the internet sure does create opportunity, sometimes.

(...does EF count as Social Networking? I am so tech-backwards.)
08/30/2010
Kayla Kayla
I totally love Fetlife. But that's because I ignore idiots who message and I also stay away from most of the forums. It's a great way to keep up with my kinky friends though.
08/30/2010
Sir Sir
Fetlife isn't so bad. I've never read of such things, honestly, but perhaps that's because I stay away from it and rarely get on there.
08/30/2010
Victoria Victoria
I just never had much interest. And I've heard plenty of bad things from people I like and trust, so I've never looked into it.
08/30/2010
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Fetlife is useful if you have real time friends/community there - it's a good communication/planning tool.

It's also nice if you find groups/forums where you fit in.

But, christ on a crutch, the cliques and stuff get old.

You have one group who believes this and one group who believes that and, without FAIL, someone from group A has to shove into group B and tell them they're wrong, instead of just letting people believe what they want to believe.

I stick to my own group and don't bother arguing anymore or participating in areas that are contrary to how I live my life. It saves me mad stress.
08/30/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
I also got bombarded with tons and tons of messages even after I took down pretty much all the photos I had up of myself. I also had my pictures stolen a bunch and that really turned me off because I didn't feel like I could even be myself; I had to hide behind photos of other stuff. To some extent that's to be expected on the internet whenever you put any image up, but in a community like Fetlife you would hope that people would look out for each other a bit more. The caretakers also did a terrible job of handling these things.

Additionally, I never really found a group where I fit. I also have lots of kinky friends, but none of us really define ourselves based on our kinkiness; it's more a bedroom-only thing that is private rather than community-oriented. I go to Fetlife just to be around like-minded pervs, maybe share info on a cool party and chat about stuff. Maybe I never felt like I fit there because I'm not particularly dogmatic about what I do in my home. It feels like everyone on this site has something lofty and ever so important to say about the way they get their rocks off. Like, c'mon people.

In any case, for those that enjoy it again I say power to you. I was just wonderin' if anyone else couldn't deal with the drama and pissing contests, because it totally overwhelms me lol.
08/30/2010
Sammi Sammi
I end up on the Geek forum, which has a lot of entertaining posts, but I rarely post anywhere else on the site, just browse and read on occasion.
08/30/2010
Midway through Midway through
I'm a little annoyed at the audacity of some of the "dommes" on there. I almost want to say you're not a domme, you're a control freak who gets a sick pleasure out of mentally and physically abusing people. There's a fine line, and you're crossing it.
08/30/2010
VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Fetlife is useful if you have real time friends/community there - it's a good communication/planning tool.

It's also nice if you find groups/forums where you fit in.

But, christ on a crutch, the cliques and stuff get ...
Amen!
08/30/2010
Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Am I the only one that stays off Fetlife for a few weeks (or months) and returns, naively, thinking the rampant assholery of that social networking site is somehow not as bad as they remembered it being only to find...IT IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE. ...
I started out at fet really liking it, but it has gotten older than some fungus-infested thing one finds in the far back reaches of the fridge. I have found a BDSM site I really, really like though. It is called linkAnOwnedLife, and so far, everyone has been really nice and friendly.
08/31/2010
Dusk Dusk
Personally I like FetLife, but I think it's all about how you use it. I mainly use the site to

a. keep in touch with people I met in person at kinky events
b. meet new kinksters who go to my school
c. keep up with local events

As far as long debates with assholes and messages from creepers, I stay far away.
08/31/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
Some sites get overrun with those that have a smartass, witty comment for everything. It's like you have to prove yourself to be one of the "gang". I hate that crap. It doesn't seem to be an issue here on EF. Everyone is respectful of everyone else's opinions for the most part and the only thing we all seem to be intolerant of are those who are disruptive.
08/31/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
I started out at fet really liking it, but it has gotten older than some fungus-infested thing one finds in the far back reaches of the fridge. I have found a BDSM site I really, really like though. It is called linkAnOwnedLife, and so far, ...
I've been curious about this, is the site largely for those that are into the whole m/s dynamic? Or just general BDSM?
08/31/2010
gone77 gone77
I've had a couple accounts over on Fetlife but eventually deleted them. There's just too much drama and blatant stupidity there. I couldn't deal. lol
08/31/2010
Destri Destri
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
I've been curious about this, is the site largely for those that are into the whole m/s dynamic? Or just general BDSM?
That site has people from every dynamic. General BDSM to the hard core, there is a bit of everything there.
08/31/2010
sugarOne sugarOne
Im on fetlife as under funsubmissive... its okay, sometimes it gets old.
08/31/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Destri
That site has people from every dynamic. General BDSM to the hard core, there is a bit of everything there.
I might check it out. The only thing I do like about Fetlife is that it's HUGE so there's a good chance you'll find people that share your kinks to converse with.
08/31/2010
Owl Identified Owl Identified
PS. I'm surprised that this post is getting so much response. It's interesting to hear opinions on this, keep 'em coming if you don't mind
08/31/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I looked around once or twice and it didn't appeal to me.
08/31/2010
LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Fetlife is useful if you have real time friends/community there - it's a good communication/planning tool.

It's also nice if you find groups/forums where you fit in.

But, christ on a crutch, the cliques and stuff get ...
I think you make a good point and really, it's not terribly different from any other place online. There's drama and conflict and it's all about whether or not you choose to get involved with said conflict.

It is a great place to keep in touch with a few people that i've met in person over the years and if I weren't working with Carrie Ann and pestering her in Skype daily..i'd probably pester her through FetLife.
09/01/2010
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