Got a bit of an Issue, Could use some Advice

Mwar Mwar
Hi guys,

So my mother has become more religious as she's getting older (not super surprising). We had some small traditions involving religion growing up, but they were small and they never bothered me, not even now (like saying Amen before dinner, small things like that). But lately, I feel she has gotten a bit out of hand to me.

There's multiple things. I find myself pretty relaxed with her. I say thank you when she says "god bless," and just am polite when she says to pray, etc. However, I feel there is a line inside me and she's crossing a bit. The biggest one not too long ago was when I confessed to her I was having some mental issues and she said that the reason I have them is because "I don't believe in Jesus" and because "I've let myself be open to Satan." I also have to "Pray to heal myself," and "find peace with god to be better." As someone who is struggling with things, I found it hurtful and almost dismissive. I was taken aback, but said nothing.

Other things: She always told me to read the bible, and now I am, but she doesn't like that I'm reading it straight through because "it takes away the meaning". She doesn't care for my partner because he is atheist. She's told me she would baptize my future children in secret. I don't think this is possible, but brings another question to me (since kids are not too far away in my future) am I being combative to refuse baptizing them? On one hand it's just water, on the other hand, I'm taking away a choice from my child. They did not ask for it.

Overall, there are a lot of other issues, but basically my mother is blaming all my issues on my lack of faith and is pressuring me. I am an agnostic atheist, but she thinks I am only skeptical and can be saved.

Eden Folks... I don't know what I'm asking exactly. What the hell do I do to both preserve my relationship but have some sanity? I find myself distancing from her because of it but I also don't want to hurt her feelings or make this ugly.
10/10/2012
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Lady of the Lab Lady of the Lab
I think you need to be direct and let her know she is making you feel uncomfortable. It's not going to get any easier when kids come along. Does she know that you do not believe in her faith?
10/10/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
I hope for the best for you because she's your mother and a mother-daughter relationship is a precious thing, but when Satan starts getting the blame for everything it sounds like rational thought has left the building.

She may not like it, but religion is going to need to be one of those things that you two experience separately, because it sounds like she's having control issues. When the topic comes up, I would kindly but firmly tell her it is no longer available for discussion. I would also make it known that there will be no secret baptisms of any future children. It's not about water, it's about respecting your beliefs and your decisions.

10/10/2012
js250 js250
You could tell her your feelings and beliefs are too intensely personal to be discussed with others--even her. You appreciate her and love her but feel religion, politics and sex are three areas never to be discussed with family and would appreciate it if she would honor your feelings as you honor hers.

Good luck, it sucks when family has to go through these issues. Hopefully you can find a common ground together and save the relationship!!!
10/10/2012
Gracie Gracie
As a parent with children reaching adutlhood I have some thoughts. It is normal and healthy for adult children to branch out and make some different choices than their parents. Afterall parents who have done a good job taught their children to think for themselves. But then issues arrise when those children make choices the parents dissagree with. The main thing is not to let your different beliefs and choices become bigger than the importance of continuing the parent child relationship as adult to adult. I tell my boys I see myself shifting into the role of consultant rather than authority. I suggest you keep your options open. Even if you decide to baptize your kids you havent taken away their choice to practice or not practice their faith as adults. But if you choose not to and not to expose them to religous teachings you may take their choice to choose to be active later because it is so unfamiliar. I'm not saying you should or shouldnt do what your mom wants. I'm just saying it is good to make choices that keep doors open while not selling out yourself.
10/10/2012
Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
I agree with a lot that has been said here, and I don't have much to add. I just wanted you to know that I've been told that my paternal grandmother tried to have me baptized in the Catholic church since neither of my parents were Catholic. Apparently when the priest asked why my parents weren't the ones bringing me, she explained, and he refused to do it without their knowledge or consent. Hopefully it brings you some peace of mind that there are some religious officials out there who will question her if she tries this.
10/10/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 6