Has an illness ever threatened your relationship with your significant other?

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Has an illness ever threatened your relationship with your significant other?

kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
I'm in this situation would love to hear from others.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
yes
kinky girlfriend , PiratePrincess , ToyGurl , null
4
no
MaryExy , Bignuf , thaterry , Coralbell , dv8 , Sammi , GravyCakes , married with children , link82 , big b , indiglo , Lummox , Shellz31 , Antipova , padmeamidala , Airen Wolf , Owl Identified , |Scheibe| , Nando , Reyes , sarki , darthkitt3n , angel142stx , Valentinka
24
maybe
P'Gell , ToyGurl , missthing , Taylor
4
we broke up
Ansley , ToyGurl
2
I chose not to date because of it
Howells , Antipova
2
Other
Total votes: 36 (33 voters)
Poll is closed
06/15/2011
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kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I'm in this situation would love to hear from others.
because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of dirrhea and my boyfriend left angry because its that way most of the time he is over if its not me being in bathroom its me in misery laying around or if Its only a little of not feeling well I alway have something I need to get done because I"m not sick like clean my room or get to wal mart...so basically we are dating but don't have a relationship.
06/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
It wasn't a physical illness, it was a mental illness. My personal safety was on the line so I don't think that particular life experience of mine will apply to your situation.

To play devil's advocate it can be really difficult to be in a relationship where an illness affects bedroom activity. If the two people aren't completely invested in each other, the chances of success are pretty low.

Now for the truth: If he wants to walk, let him. There is no use in trying to keep someone around if they really don't want to be there. This is how abuse and resentment can become a factor, making everyone miserable.
06/15/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
It wasn't a physical illness, it was a mental illness. My personal safety was on the line so I don't think that particular life experience of mine will apply to your situation.

To play devil's advocate it can be really difficult to ...
yes how can I invest my time in someone when I'm tending to myself all day just to be able to work 6 hours a day 5 days a week its so hard.
06/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
yes how can I invest my time in someone when I'm tending to myself all day just to be able to work 6 hours a day 5 days a week its so hard.
This is meant with no disrespect to you - I don't know you or how severe the situation is or what you are doing about it, so take this with a grain of salt.

There also comes a time in life when a person has to grow up and learn to deal with whatever brand of disability/illness has been doled to them. A person cannot go through life using their disparity as a crutch. It's unbecoming and will keep one walking in circles for the rest of their lives.
06/15/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
This is meant with no disrespect to you - I don't know you or how severe the situation is or what you are doing about it, so take this with a grain of salt.

There also comes a time in life when a person has to grow up and learn to deal ...
yea well how would you like to not be able to leave because of bad dirreah or u could wear an adult diaper but NO and u can't take medications you are far too sensitive to them actually make you feel worse. I mean sure if this was a diffrent disability I'd leave the house but I feel calmer and better not being in public worrying oh I'm walking or shoping oh no I'm about to sh*t myself
06/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
yea well how would you like to not be able to leave because of bad dirreah or u could wear an adult diaper but NO and u can't take medications you are far too sensitive to them actually make you feel worse. I mean sure if this was a diffrent ...
You know, now I remember...I think I've tried to talk to you about this before and you put up the same defensive reactions to all of the suggestions everyone made.

There is always a solution to a problem, whether you want to work towards it or not is entirely up to you.
06/15/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
I'm in this situation would love to hear from others.
When we were first married...I am talking the first month, her appendix burst. She had peritonitis and was in an ICU for a week. Five major abdominal surgeries before she came around...basically ill for a year and a half. I was SHOCKED at the number of people who asked, "are you going to get your marriage annulled", or "seek a divorce"? WHAT?????? The woman I love just got ill and I am supposed to run off...since now things are not "FUN"???? Shows a complete and utter lack of what commitment and love is. Period. 32 wonderful years later, this woman who I love more now then I ever did, is the real sun rising in the morning for me. I feel SO bad for how many people are so shallow. One day they will be less the the beautiful/handsome, young, healthy, sexy, studly person they may be right now. May just be the passage of time, or maybe the dump truck coming around the corner in the next minute. I hope they have someone who cares about them more then they care about others...or life will prove to be very hollow, shallow and lonely for them!
06/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
When we were first married...I am talking the first month, her appendix burst. She had peritonitis and was in an ICU for a week. Five major abdominal surgeries before she came around...basically ill for a year and a half. I was SHOCKED at the number ...
Big, I believe this situation is more a symptom of youth than it is superficiality.
06/15/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
When we were first married...I am talking the first month, her appendix burst. She had peritonitis and was in an ICU for a week. Five major abdominal surgeries before she came around...basically ill for a year and a half. I was SHOCKED at the number ...
HOWEVER, having said all this, I was already years into a committed relationship and had said my "I DO's". You don't give any details in your posting, so one can only guess. If I was, for instance, just starting to date someone and found out they had a communicable STD, would I keep dating them, or get further involved? How about if I found they had an illness (diabetes, Cystic fibrosis..whatever), that would likely make them ill for sure in a few years? Would I continue that relationship? Those are all fair questions and you have to weigh your emotional involvment with this person, your desire to be with them, verses the emotional and physical "cost" this will take on your heart, soul and time, if indeed there is some serious illness there. Just don't drag that person along with false hope or expectation. That would NOT be right or fair.
06/15/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Big, I believe this situation is more a symptom of youth than it is superficiality.
I believe you are right. I had one date in college with an incredible young lady...and did NOT ever ask her out again...when I found out she was a juvenile diabetic. However, it was EARLY in the relationship and I knew then...emotional immaturity, I could not get involved with all the things that would come down the line with that tragic disease. Thus, I cannot throw stones too far on this. That young lady became a very successful and, still beautiful, doctor...and is healthy still, despite her diabetes, and do I once in a while think..."what if"? Of course. DO I think..."was that immature"? SURE. Of course it was. I was a college freshmen. We were all young once..or are now. You are right...this may likely be a question of youth.
06/15/2011
married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of ...
sorry to hear about it. Hopefully you guys will work things out.
06/16/2011
link82 link82
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
This is meant with no disrespect to you - I don't know you or how severe the situation is or what you are doing about it, so take this with a grain of salt.

There also comes a time in life when a person has to grow up and learn to deal ...
I agree with what you are saying, but there are certain things that are beyond anyone's control.
06/16/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by link82
I agree with what you are saying, but there are certain things that are beyond anyone's control.
It's something I'm working on but am sad to say progress is very slow. I think Its possible I can only get so much better..I'm eating really healthy and taking supplements and its still severe..but well hopefully things are just healing and its still severe but will be normal later I can only hope.
06/16/2011
big b big b
we have each had to take care of the other made us closer
06/16/2011
indiglo indiglo
I have, in a previous relationship, been the healthy partner, to a severely ill person. I am, in my current relationship, the not-so-healthy partner. I have some chronic ongoing issues that are day to day and nothing new, but I'm also having kidney problems as of late which are new and a bit more severe. On both sides of the equation it can put stress on your relationship depending on how both partners handle it. But once you are invested in the relationship and love the person, I don't see how it would be possible to leave. Maybe in a new relationship, if you feel like you just don't want to invest all that much or bother with it, but the only thing my man says is that he wishes he could take at least half my pain away when it hits.

I think the type of illness makes a difference (visible or invisible), the frequency and severity of symptoms (really bad everyday, really bad once a month, not too bad everyday, etc), the likely course the illness will take (is it acute and will resolve itself entirely, or will it be ongoing and chronic) and how both partners react to the illness (will we be a team together against the illness, or will we turn on each other out of frustration and feelings of helplessness). Getting in a healthy place mentally and emotionally is very important for the ill partner (depression and other issues can easily set in when dealing with chronic illness) and trying to not allow your illness to be the focus of your life is important too. Which may sound easier said than done, but you can get there.
06/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Sadly, my health is pretty shitty. It has prevented me from working in my profession adequately, and probably has threatened my relationship at times. I know My Man would get really frustrated when we were dating and early married, when a severe migraine or IBS attack would lay me low for days at a time.

He has matured and realizes I have no control over surges in bad health. It took a while, but he was willing to work on it, and for my part, I stopped complaining so much. I think I did tend to complain a LOT and had kind of a FML attitude. Changing doctors, trying different therapies, and working on our relationship helps. Years later, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which further limits not only my activities, but my ability to bring in money to the household.

The recession has hit us hard. Really really hard. Our house is worth HALF of what it was worth only 3 or 4 years ago, and we can no longer borrow against it, My Man has not gotten a raise (no one at his employer has except the VPs and the CEO) in nearly 5 years. My health prevents me from working long hours in my field, and most part time jobs want to hire 22 year old girls and won't even LOOK at a woman my age with my education. They figure anyone with lots of education will just move on when the economy gets better, so I'm looked over and ignored for jobs that I can certainly do, but I am overqualified for. Jobs are nearly impossible to come by, my home business is nearly in ruins, but we just keep at it.

I also had to eliminate dozens of foods from my diet, from ALL dairy products (it took a month to see any improvement and a year to see great improvement, but dairy is the worst offender for my IBS) too much fiber (I don't care what they say, I can't eat the stuff in any quantity) and things I am allergic to, like shellfish, peanuts, corn, and about 1000 other things. Giving up favorite foods sucks, but when it finally gets out of your body (it could take months for all the offending proteins to leave your body totally) you do feel better. I'd as likely eat most dairy again as I would swallow a cyanide capsule. But, it took MONTHS of complete abstinence from it to make any difference.


We decided to treat the IBS with a lot of humor. My Man has more diarhea jokes than anyone I know! I also found that many of the meds to prevent pain from the migraines have eased the IBS symptoms, after about 12 different antidepressants were tried, we found one that worked to decrease both IBS and migraine symptoms. But, it took years to find that drug, along with a cocktail of other meds to keep me upright, out of bed and at least reduce the pain somewhat.

I spent up to 6 months in bed (and not supposed to be having sex, but we did, gently) with each of my term pregnancies and up to a week out of commission with each miscarriage. It was rough on our relationship, but we just keep at it. It's worth working at, but both of us are committed.

Life sucks sometimes, but we have found approaching even bad health with a LOT of humor helps. I also get a lot of UTIs and we have taken to calling them "Pee Hole Spiders" (after the viral video) and that helps a lot.

Some of us have shitty health. You have to make what you can of it, and continued persistence with your HCPs and humor are the best things we have found to help us stay sane.

Plus, I knew if My Man loved me enough for me to want to keep him around, he'd have to learn to live with my crappy health. Of course, I changed MY attitude too. He knows when I am sick, just by looking at me, and I don't talk about it much, except to make jokes, occasionally. We proved our love to each other by BOTH changing.
06/16/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Sadly, my health is pretty shitty. It has prevented me from working in my profession adequately, and probably has threatened my relationship at times. I know My Man would get really frustrated when we were dating and early married, when a severe ...
Glad you guys are happy together..my boyfriend really hates how when what little time we have together I don't do anything fun cramped at my computer desk or on the floor in tears(not becaue of pain) because of how uncomfortable it is,the severity and duration has been years and it sucks he is over while I'm so ill and he is upset because he wants to get out and do something fun and he is "being ignored" while I'm in the toilet or sick on the floor. I'm going on a No grain diet and only eating healthy fats. Since taking shakeology I can digest more foods I can eat salads often now All my meat is cage free antibiotic free and grass fed. My eggs are usda organic cage free antibiotic free as well..Anytime I can get the usda organic label I do. I have bought a cod oil and high quality mutlivitamin as well. I think days I have D I ate too much of a good thing or maybe food just offended my gut that day maybe it was going to be a b*tch that day no matter what. I have purchased some healthing foods usda organic raw mulberries and Golden berries. I have really good cookware dr.mercola's ceramic cookware its safe and no metals or toxins leek into food. Maybe I need to slow down and add 1 thing for a few weeks slowly and move up then add another.
06/16/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Sadly, my health is pretty shitty. It has prevented me from working in my profession adequately, and probably has threatened my relationship at times. I know My Man would get really frustrated when we were dating and early married, when a severe ...
It's good to hear a success story P'Gell---I'm glad that you and your Man were able to change together to make life better.
06/16/2011
Antipova Antipova
For my part, I have a good friend I'd dated on-and-off who eventually developed Crohn's Disease, and I'm sad to admit that that was one of the reasons that I decided not to take things further with him. (There were other legitimate reasons too, but I just saw that as being such a stressor...)

And then once, when I was much younger, my boyfriend had mono (he caught it on vacation, and I was able to protect myself and avoid catching it too). It took him a long time to fully recover, and that included no sex for a while even after he was out of bed for other things. I didn't have the greatest communication skills back then, and no sex cut me to the core and I assumed it meant he didn't love me anymore, so after several weeks of thinking he didn't care about me I broke up with him. Of course now I realize that was just residual illness and I feel like a heel, but at the time I was so broken-hearted...

Yeah, so I've been leery of dating folks with health issues. That's shallow of me. Sorry, folks with health issues.
06/16/2011
CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of ...
I feel for you. I had an extremely bad case of ulcerative colitus for about 2 years. It interupted every aspect of my entire life, until the point that I had wasted away to the point where I was looking forward to death. Not trying to be weird or to dark by saying that, but it is what it is. I had my large intestin removed and part of my small intestin and they had to do all kinds of crazy surgeries to make me almost like new. That period of my life became really tough for my very loving wife. She basically had to do everything for me, I was so sick that at times I couldn't even walk anymore. But long story short, I had an amazing surgeon that was able to give me my life back. It took quite a few months for my wife and I to go back to our normal selfs, instead of acting like I was a patient of hers.

I don't know what the treatments are for your particular disease, but if you are truly suffering, go with the most aggressive treatment they have. I suffered for so long that I was a day or so from death. Don't do that. I felt better, an hour after major surgeries than I did before them. I don't know how your disease affects you, but that is just two cents from someone who has been in your type of sittuation.
06/16/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
You know, now I remember...I think I've tried to talk to you about this before and you put up the same defensive reactions to all of the suggestions everyone made.

There is always a solution to a problem, whether you want to work towards ...
Maybe she is on the defensive because you are making her feel attacked. She is opening up about a disability that she has - one that you admit to knowing nothing about living with - and you are essentially just telling her to suck it up. Obviously she is coping with it every day as best as she can, she is just coming to this forum for encouragement and maybe practical solutions - NOT holier than thou condescension.
06/16/2011
CPTInsanity CPTInsanity
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Maybe she is on the defensive because you are making her feel attacked. She is opening up about a disability that she has - one that you admit to knowing nothing about living with - and you are essentially just telling her to suck it up. Obviously ...
Way to stick up for her. No one knows the agonizing experiences that intestinal disease can bring unless you have lived with one, or are close with someone who has. I takes a very special person to live life normally even though they have accidents at all times of the day. But at the same time I understand the feelings of the significant other too. It's not easy being in that type of relationship. If they aren't that special person, it just doesn't work out.
06/16/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Congratulations to CPTinsanity for being able to overcome this illness and for your successful surgeries.

P'Gell and kinky girlfriend, my heart really does go out to both of you. I do not have a personal experience with this but I can only imagine that when it seems like everything in your world is falling apart, the last thing you want to wrestle with is a relationship slump. Of course, that's how this stuff works every time though, right? Economic problems, health issues, addiction, whatever bad stuff can get thrown your way, tends to shake the pillars of stability in your life (your faith, your most significant relationships). P'Gell, I'm happy things have stabilized at least in that aspect - your relationship - and kinky girlfriend, I'm hoping you are able to find some kind of workable solution to your current situation.
06/16/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Congratulations to CPTinsanity for being able to overcome this illness and for your successful surgeries.

P'Gell and kinky girlfriend, my heart really does go out to both of you. I do not have a personal experience with this but I can ...
thank you all for listening and understanding I wisih this all didn't end up being all about my problems though I'd like others to open up and tell me their stories. I can see 2 sides be happy and live normally anyway(so if I can get over not being uncomfortable and embarassed in public to need to have changes of clothes handy so I can go out and pray a toilet is in 2 minutes of myself) which I currently am near one at home and sometimes don't even make it then at least I'm in the comfort of home when accident happens..Well yea I can chose to be happy anyway even if my boyfriend is feeling pissed off because we don't ever get to do anything together and feeling ignored because my illness takes over everyday its been years..sometimes just more severe than others. Yea life could be worse I could get something else on top of this massive problem. SO I best keep working at it and never give up....I guess when it comes down to it all learn to be happy and thankful no matter what which is easier said than done..it will be so much easier when things turn around for me. It sucked on TUesday we wer both off it was almost 8pm I had to hurry and get the door because my boyfriend got off work I barely opened the door and had to go clean myself off in the bathtub then after that for over an hour I was running with D while my boyfriend took a nap I woke him up to have him pissed off and say he also had things he needed to do and other people to see and he almost broke up with me because I wasted what precious time we had again and his girlfriend can't ever do anything with him.
06/16/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
For my part, I have a good friend I'd dated on-and-off who eventually developed Crohn's Disease, and I'm sad to admit that that was one of the reasons that I decided not to take things further with him. (There were other legitimate ...
Don't worry I can understand it myself..I mean I see my boyfriends point..If I was single and healthy and there was a guy who was nice but she was so sick and I wanted to have a very healthy and activce life (ahem including sex life)I could see myself not going out with the person becaue of it..at the same time whose to say things are very happy and healthy for a short time or long time then illnenss strikes and its not fun and games anymore..if you truly love someone you don't just say in sickness and in health and then leave you stay with the person no matter what unless they leave you or die right?
06/16/2011
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
sorry to hear about it. Hopefully you guys will work things out.
thank you sometimes a "I wish you the best" and a smile can make you feel cared about and encouraged. TO be honest I can't remember the last time I heard my boyfriend say I love you...But I know some people just don't say those words they just show it and be there for people they just don't think about those words because they are busy thinking and showing it or something..I think a month ago it was he said he worries about me,thinks about me alot and loves me like his little sister (who is 3 years old)He doesn't mean in a way like I might as well be his sister he is romantically interested still lol. Just sayin he loves me and cares about me as much as another person he cares about the most. Sometimes words are only words I feel that way when he is pissed off and says the relationship is a dead end and everyone is telling him to cut his losses and run. But also I can understand his feelings of frustrations..but still love is patient,love is kind,does not boast,does not envy..well u know the rest.
06/16/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
thank you sometimes a "I wish you the best" and a smile can make you feel cared about and encouraged. TO be honest I can't remember the last time I heard my boyfriend say I love you...But I know some people just don't say those ...
I hope all the best for you both. And I hope tomorrow your health is better than earlier in the week.
06/16/2011
missthing missthing
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of ...
Have you been tested for Celiac disease? I had severe ibs until I was diagnosed with this condition, now I'm on a special diet and healthy.
06/16/2011
missthing missthing
Because I have Celiac disease, I have to be on a Gluten Free diet. This really eliminates a ton of everyday foods. My fiance refuses to eat any of my gluten free foods and insists on making a sometimes entirely different meal. Maybe I'm being silly but I really feel like he should be more understanding of how weird it makes me feel to have to eat by myself all the time.
06/16/2011
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