I once had a roommate who was morally against masturbation and or the touching of oneself. She thought such things were disgusting and didn't understand why anyone would want to participate in them. It made me wonder if perhaps this was a learned behavior from a lack of information as a child, or perhaps she was taught to be this way?
How did your parents address the issue of sexuality when you were growing up?
How did your parents address the issue of sexuality when you were growing up?
The messages were very confusing in our home. My mother wanted us girls on the pill at 13 so we wouldn't get pregnant. Which was nuts. I didn't do anything til I was 17. She didn't really talk much to us about sex though. My step-dad was as cold as ice to everyone in our home, including my mother. I never even saw them kiss, that I remember. So I pretty much had no idea what it was all about.
10/31/2009
It took me a very long time to start accepting and really enjoying sex. My first step-father sat down with me when I was about 5 and had a very awkward conversation about sex. He also caught me masturbating around that age and really embarrassed me about it. I won't go into details because it may trigger something for someone, but he let me know that he thought masturbation was disgusting.
After my mom got divorced from him I went to live with my grandmother, who just didn't discuss sex at all and kept me heavily involved in a Southern Baptist church. They were my main influence when it came to sex and they made sure I knew it was sinful and against God, and masturbation was sinful because you would be thinking lustful thoughts.
I can definitely see what would cause your room mate to think that way. For a good portion of my marriage I didn't want to have sex with the lights on, I covered my face, and I didn't masturbate in front of my husband. It wasn't until about a year ago when I opened up and told him about all of the stuff in my childhood that I was able to be comfortable with him seeing me enjoy sex and masturbation.
After my mom got divorced from him I went to live with my grandmother, who just didn't discuss sex at all and kept me heavily involved in a Southern Baptist church. They were my main influence when it came to sex and they made sure I knew it was sinful and against God, and masturbation was sinful because you would be thinking lustful thoughts.
I can definitely see what would cause your room mate to think that way. For a good portion of my marriage I didn't want to have sex with the lights on, I covered my face, and I didn't masturbate in front of my husband. It wasn't until about a year ago when I opened up and told him about all of the stuff in my childhood that I was able to be comfortable with him seeing me enjoy sex and masturbation.
10/31/2009
Was (and still is) basically taboo. My family isn't very affectionate, and I wasn't allowed to date at all (I do now, but only by going against what my dad says) and was never allowed to be alone with a boy, had to come straight home after school, etc etc. Dad also told me that men just use women, a guy would ruin my life, etc. As far as 'tha talk' he said it was the school's job, but I skipped those classes, I wasn't ready to learn about sex and sexuality, it scared me, and yes, I still have hangups about it at my age now.
The only one who's really helping me with the issues is my dad's girlfriend, she's helped me get my first toys and such, and we have 'woman talks' every so often. It's still a long road though, I'm still not comfortable sleeping with my boyfriend though I have once. He said if it really bothers me, we could go see a sex therapist.
On top of that, I was abused most of my life physically, so touching and such is something I don't particularly like. It took me a while to even be okay with masterbation, but it's hard at times since my birth control screwed up my libido.
The only one who's really helping me with the issues is my dad's girlfriend, she's helped me get my first toys and such, and we have 'woman talks' every so often. It's still a long road though, I'm still not comfortable sleeping with my boyfriend though I have once. He said if it really bothers me, we could go see a sex therapist.
On top of that, I was abused most of my life physically, so touching and such is something I don't particularly like. It took me a while to even be okay with masterbation, but it's hard at times since my birth control screwed up my libido.
10/31/2009
I got a very mixed message from my parents. My mom was don't ask don't tell, but I will tell you sex is dirty and only sluts and whores touch enjoy it and touch themselves. My dad was love yourself. You are a gift from God but stay away from boys or I will kill them cause no one is worthy!
All I can say is thank God for my friends, the internet and porn!!!
All I can say is thank God for my friends, the internet and porn!!!
10/31/2009
I wasn't told sex or masturbation is bad, really, but we didn't talk about it a whole lot and when we did, it was always sex and not masturbation so I don't really know how she feels. I was never caught, though. Talking about it always embarrassed me because I'm private about some things like that. I remember having a convo with mom between 8 - 11 ish about the birds and the bees. A few years later, I was with someone, and she gave me a "be careful/take care of yourself/condoms" talk and I assume she knows and approves of me having sex with my husband. Even though our discussions were pretty skimpy, it seems like I got the better deal than most.
10/31/2009
If I asked about something, they would tell me, but it made them really uncomfortable, so I generally avoided asking about it. Well, at least, it made my MOM really uncomfortable. I always read my dad's books growing up (Stephen King, Poe, Lovecraft, etc....may account for why I'm so messed up now, LOL!), and once I read a Stephen King story where they said the guy was "impotent." I asked my dad what that meant, and he said, "It means he has no lead in his pencil." I didn't get that, either, so then my dad explained it with as little sexual terminology as he could manage, LOL.
Nowadays, my parents always say they didn't talk to my twin brother and I about sex because we "had an older sister." All I gotta say is, if I listened to my sister's opinions on sex and believed what she STILL believes, I would have no clue what I was doing nowadays.
Nowadays, my parents always say they didn't talk to my twin brother and I about sex because we "had an older sister." All I gotta say is, if I listened to my sister's opinions on sex and believed what she STILL believes, I would have no clue what I was doing nowadays.
10/31/2009
Quote:
Oh, man, my parents hate everybody my siblings and I have brought home. Especially my dad. He's a walking stereotype sometimes.
Originally posted by
Rocky LaFemme
I got a very mixed message from my parents. My mom was don't ask don't tell, but I will tell you sex is dirty and only sluts and whores touch enjoy it and touch themselves. My dad was love yourself. You are a gift from God but stay away from boys or
...
I got a very mixed message from my parents. My mom was don't ask don't tell, but I will tell you sex is dirty and only sluts and whores touch enjoy it and touch themselves. My dad was love yourself. You are a gift from God but stay away from boys or I will kill them cause no one is worthy!
All I can say is thank God for my friends, the internet and porn!!!
All I can say is thank God for my friends, the internet and porn!!!
10/31/2009
It makes me sad hearing about how so many people have negative experiences with learning about sexuality growing up, especially since it impacts so greatly upon the person that child will become.
My father gave me the talk proabably about 3 or 4 times, (no exaggeration) because he is in the healthcare field and wanted to make sure I knew everything I would ever need to know. He would always tell me that if I had questions I should ask him as he knew what he was talking about. I never really felt comfortable talking to him though. I was afraid to bring home my first boyfriend, because my father is very protective, and I wasn't sure the boyfriend would make it out the door alive.
When I got my first boyfriend I went to my mom with questions. Since then we talk about absolutely everything.
My father gave me the talk proabably about 3 or 4 times, (no exaggeration) because he is in the healthcare field and wanted to make sure I knew everything I would ever need to know. He would always tell me that if I had questions I should ask him as he knew what he was talking about. I never really felt comfortable talking to him though. I was afraid to bring home my first boyfriend, because my father is very protective, and I wasn't sure the boyfriend would make it out the door alive.
When I got my first boyfriend I went to my mom with questions. Since then we talk about absolutely everything.
10/31/2009
When I was 8, my mom gave me a copy of What's Happening To My Body: Book for Girls, but never really talked to me about much of anything. I feel like that was okay, because I knew she was there if I had any questions. I feel like I got a lot of really great, sex- and body-positive information out of that book, and like it still has some influence on my attitude towards sex today.
When I got older, it was my mom's idea for me to go on the pill, even though I wasn't having sex yet. I didn't tell her when I had sex for the first time, but I have a feeling she knew, somehow. When it was time for me to go away to college, she asked if I wanted a box of condoms to bring with, and when I said yes, there wasn't any judgment or anything. My mom is the best.
When I got older, it was my mom's idea for me to go on the pill, even though I wasn't having sex yet. I didn't tell her when I had sex for the first time, but I have a feeling she knew, somehow. When it was time for me to go away to college, she asked if I wanted a box of condoms to bring with, and when I said yes, there wasn't any judgment or anything. My mom is the best.
10/31/2009
My Father never once said anything. My Mother, didn't really teach me about sex either. The only thing she did was try and push me to have sex with whatever guy I had just started dating. Because that's the way it was. I couldn't be a ice bitch forever and that's the only way to stay with a man. Blah Blah... It's safe to say that my Mother has some mental problems.
Anything I wanted to know about sex I learned online.
Anything I wanted to know about sex I learned online.
10/31/2009
My Father never once said anything. My Mother, didn't really teach me about sex either. The only thing she did was try and push me to have sex with whatever guy I had just started dating. Because that's the way it was. I couldn't be a ice bitch forever and that's the only way to stay with a man. Blah Blah... It's safe to say that my Mother has some mental problems.
Anything I wanted to know about sex I learned online.
Anything I wanted to know about sex I learned online.
10/31/2009
It was a mix of a few things. My parents did not want to know about my sexuality. My father gave me a cut and dry explanation and told me when I was ready I would be ready and I should be comfortable with that but he wouldn't be okay with it and he said he would murder my first if he found out.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
10/31/2009
Quote:
now, that's just messed up! I'm sorry to read that!
Originally posted by
Darling Dove
It was a mix of a few things. My parents did not want to know about my sexuality. My father gave me a cut and dry explanation and told me when I was ready I would be ready and I should be comfortable with that but he wouldn't be okay with it and he
...
It was a mix of a few things. My parents did not want to know about my sexuality. My father gave me a cut and dry explanation and told me when I was ready I would be ready and I should be comfortable with that but he wouldn't be okay with it and he said he would murder my first if he found out.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
10/31/2009
My dad's sex talk basically was "if you get a woman pregnant you are responsible for taking care of the baby." They also gave me some puberty "survival" book that had some basics on sex/sexuality. I think they kind of assumed between a relatively well developed sex ed curriculum (hey we actually learned about birth control methods!) and my general intelligence that I'd figure it out and not be stupid about it.
When it came to sexuality my parents were both pretty liberal and knew and were a-okay with alternative sexuality issues...so I always knew I'd be okay with them no matter what. That came in handy when I decided to come out to them as trans at the age of 22. They were cool about it, luckily, as I had hoped.
When it came to sexuality my parents were both pretty liberal and knew and were a-okay with alternative sexuality issues...so I always knew I'd be okay with them no matter what. That came in handy when I decided to come out to them as trans at the age of 22. They were cool about it, luckily, as I had hoped.
11/01/2009
Quote:
Honey, I'm so sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you are reclaiming your sexuality and your body and owning your beauty and your desires. I have so much admiration for you. Good luck to you in your journey. You are a beautiful person!
Originally posted by
Darling Dove
It was a mix of a few things. My parents did not want to know about my sexuality. My father gave me a cut and dry explanation and told me when I was ready I would be ready and I should be comfortable with that but he wouldn't be okay with it and he
...
It was a mix of a few things. My parents did not want to know about my sexuality. My father gave me a cut and dry explanation and told me when I was ready I would be ready and I should be comfortable with that but he wouldn't be okay with it and he said he would murder my first if he found out.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
My mother was and is vehemently anti sex as is her entire family. She thinks I am a whore because I own and review sex toys. I grew up being very ashamed of myself sexually despite my father's teachings because my mother always taught me that I was a fat girl and she said she 'made' me fat so no man would abuse me sexually because they wouldnt be attracted to me.
I convinced myself that I was not attractive and had this reinforced every single day by my classmates and peers. I was sexually masochistic for a few years and would do absolutely horrible things to myself.
It took a long time for me to become sexually comfortable with myself. I did it on my own with the help of a couple friends, but I still have relapses every so often and I find myself masochistically 'punishing' myself when I do something wrong. I suppose I'm just fucked up in the head.
11/01/2009
My parents didn't talk to us about it at all. My parents thought they were having a son as their first born, so they dressed me that way. They never told me about menstruation, or things like that. I found out about menstration the day befor my 22nd birthday and thought I had bladder cancer again, except this time the blood would not stop, and my stomach hurt, and having bladder cancer was painless except for all the follow up cystos in the office which were annoying. I had to put paper towels in my pants and go to a CVS and buy all these products and figure out how to use them. I only had male friends, so I couldn't call anyone. I right away discovered pads were gross because they keep the blood outside the body. (I can smell a woman who uses pads no matter how clean she is) Tampons, I had them all over the floor trying to follow that yoga diagram. Then I realized I would have to change them at work, and this problem wouldn't go away,
Sex, they never told me about either. I aready had a girlfriend in junior high, I guess they figured I wouldn't embaress them by getting pregnant. I didn't have any interest in sex, just being a great athlete.I may not have gotten sexual experience in high school or college much, but I got tophies for boxing, soccer, karate,and track.
My parents did not have sex books , or make PDA.
Sex, they never told me about either. I aready had a girlfriend in junior high, I guess they figured I wouldn't embaress them by getting pregnant. I didn't have any interest in sex, just being a great athlete.I may not have gotten sexual experience in high school or college much, but I got tophies for boxing, soccer, karate,and track.
My parents did not have sex books , or make PDA.
11/19/2009
My mom didn't say anything to me about sex til I started my monthly. It was kind of the birds and the bees talk but also if you love the guy then it is fine. When she found out I was sleeping with the guy I was dating she went out and put me on the depo shot at 17. LOL the only real things I learned about sex and masturbation was from all my perverted friends.
Thank god for the internet porn As far as sex toys I really didn't learn about them til I was 21 and was very shy, now at 27 I'm not so shy and sex toys FREAKING ROCK!!! Things will be different when my and hubby have to do the birds and bees with our daughter.
Thank god for the internet porn As far as sex toys I really didn't learn about them til I was 21 and was very shy, now at 27 I'm not so shy and sex toys FREAKING ROCK!!! Things will be different when my and hubby have to do the birds and bees with our daughter.
12/03/2009
I took my neice to the zoo and she asked :Is that the elephant's vagina?" She was 7. I was mortified. Then she asked it again and people were staring so I dragged her out of that exhibit. Then she wanted to go to Starbucks. I aked her"I suppose you want an unfiltered Camel and a shot of bourban too?"
01/03/2010
Neither of my parents were open about sex. My mom caught me masturbating once and freaked and they both told me how nasty that was, so from then on I learned to be more discreet. I already knew about having periods by the time I began at the age of ten, so all she told me about that was how to use the pads. From then on my father acted crazy whenever I got a call from a boy or anything similar. But absolutely everything else I learned came from friends and books.
01/03/2010
My mom was very open about anything and everything, to the extent that even my friends would ask her things. My dad was like "Go ask your mother" so I guess that worked out well. The hilarious thing is, now my dad asks *me* questions about bc and such that I would have never asked him when I was growing up (lol).
01/03/2010
My mother, being a registered nurse and a molestation survivor, was so clinical in The Talk to the point of using JUST the Latin names for everything. I learned about menses (yes, she used that word) when I was eight, and sex when I was eleven. Didn't cover a damn thing about the emotional aspects.
My ex-step-father (may he rot in hell if he's dead, may he end up in hell if he's alive) wanted to talk about sex all the time with me since the day I turned thirteen, and even admitted to having sex dreams about me. It wasn't until twenty years later (recently) that I found out that he was forcing me into emotional incest. No, he didn't 'do' anything to me, but he said a whole hell of a lot of inappropriate stuff that you JUST DON'T TELL a kid.
So, despite the weirdness, I was actually rather highly sexed but too ashamed of my body (thank you, classmates of the public school system) and had too little esteem (repeat) to act it out. My first kiss was at seventeen, which my mother was surprised to hear about, but pleased. (My real father was also glad I wasn't a lesbian - at the time, he liked the idea of someday being a grandfather.)
My mother was funny in some respects, as she was the one back in high school that took her friends to Planned Parenthood so they wouldn't get pregnant, etc. However, when it was my turn, she wanted ME to broach the subject about getting on the pill, and she totally freaked out when I told her I lost my virginity (age 18, but didn't tell her until I was 20). Oh, it's fine if everyone else did it, but me? Feh.
Needless to say, I have not bothered to tell her that I'm finally active after ten years in a sexless marriage; it's okay for everyone else, but not for me. Hilarious thing is, it's the same guy I lost my virginity to.
And the boyfriend wonders why I'm so fucked up sexually.
My ex-step-father (may he rot in hell if he's dead, may he end up in hell if he's alive) wanted to talk about sex all the time with me since the day I turned thirteen, and even admitted to having sex dreams about me. It wasn't until twenty years later (recently) that I found out that he was forcing me into emotional incest. No, he didn't 'do' anything to me, but he said a whole hell of a lot of inappropriate stuff that you JUST DON'T TELL a kid.
So, despite the weirdness, I was actually rather highly sexed but too ashamed of my body (thank you, classmates of the public school system) and had too little esteem (repeat) to act it out. My first kiss was at seventeen, which my mother was surprised to hear about, but pleased. (My real father was also glad I wasn't a lesbian - at the time, he liked the idea of someday being a grandfather.)
My mother was funny in some respects, as she was the one back in high school that took her friends to Planned Parenthood so they wouldn't get pregnant, etc. However, when it was my turn, she wanted ME to broach the subject about getting on the pill, and she totally freaked out when I told her I lost my virginity (age 18, but didn't tell her until I was 20). Oh, it's fine if everyone else did it, but me? Feh.
Needless to say, I have not bothered to tell her that I'm finally active after ten years in a sexless marriage; it's okay for everyone else, but not for me. Hilarious thing is, it's the same guy I lost my virginity to.
And the boyfriend wonders why I'm so fucked up sexually.
01/05/2010
My parents were a bit strange...I always got the whole "not outside marriage" speech and they are and were monogamous (and faithful to each other) but my Dad openly loves porn and my Mom is a very sensual, sexual woman who has a toybox she doesn't think I know about. Then again if you were caught masturbating in their house it was a source of much amusement at your expense. It was also very humiliating, though they would insist it wasn't morally wrong. So at best mixed signals at worst they looked like hypocrits.
I, too was a highly sexual person but my parents attempted to squash that drive as much as possible even after I got married because they had pigeon holed my sister and I to the point where it was assumed SHE was the sex fiend and I was some sort of odd married nun.
I, too was a highly sexual person but my parents attempted to squash that drive as much as possible even after I got married because they had pigeon holed my sister and I to the point where it was assumed SHE was the sex fiend and I was some sort of odd married nun.
01/09/2010
Quote:
Hahaha, this is soooo very much like my case.
Originally posted by
JEM
My parents never really had "The sex talk" They let me learn it all at school lol! But there are no prudes, I remember finding toys and porn in their room when I was looking for things every so often....didn't know what they were at the time but boy
...
My parents never really had "The sex talk" They let me learn it all at school lol! But there are no prudes, I remember finding toys and porn in their room when I was looking for things every so often....didn't know what they were at the time but boy do I know now!
Except that the only way they 'brought' up sex was to have books about sexuality in our bookshelves. I remember having a comic book as a child where they were playing doctors... But I just don't remember the moral of the story. All I remember is looking at the little boy's parts. (Hey, I was 5-6, I could)
01/24/2010
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