Originally posted by
Well it is offical. I no longer have children. They are both now property of the US ARMY. I am very lost today. I seem to just keep walking and pacing the floors worried about what is about to happen to my son and feeling very lonley. Ok maybe
Well it is offical. I no longer have children. They are both now property of the US ARMY. I am very lost today. I seem to just keep walking and pacing the floors worried about what is about to happen to my son and feeling very lonley. Ok maybe i'm very lame. IDK.
But I do know, I miss them so much and I feel lost. For 19 years the kids have been my life. I never had mom's night out, left them with a baby sitter, or anything. I always felt it was my duty and honor to serve my family so I did not work outside of the home. I just always stayed here taking care of everyone. Oy vey. Maybe that was the mistake. IDK.
Then I thought, hey maybe someone in the community would have some good advice of how you let go and move on with your life. How do you find your life when the kids and family has been your focus for so many years?
I look forward to seeing what you all have to say on this subject.
I am looking at that myself actually. I was and am a stay-at-home Mom and I have home schooled my kids their entire k-12. My girls are just leaving their 9th grade year and I am starting to feel the apron strings tightening. I'm scared and already beginning to find things to occupy my time because for the last 16 years my world has revolved around them.
Now, I have a few more years before my nest is truly empty as my son is only 2 but I can so very much empathize with you.
I know my Mother didn't handle my sister and I leaving home well and I truly don't want to be a burden on my girls because I cannot handle having to redefine who I am after I stop being "Mommy"! It sounds like you have done an excellent job raising two wonderful young men who are out making us ALL proud. You have done well, and I salute you. I hope my girls are as successful as your boys seem to be.
The thing is boys never leave their Mamas, in your heart you know this. They will always come home to you, looking for your cooking and your advice. They aren't ARMY property forever and you own their hearts. SO, how do you move on and redefine yourself?
I had a prime example of what NOT to do with my Mother, bless her aching heart. So I have begun way earlier than, I imagine, most parents do to redefine who I am as a person. For me, this is the first time "I" have defined who I am so it's a painful and exciting journey. I have begun to do things like river walking at our local pool. I have a group of ladies my age that I meet up with four times a week for a couple of hours to walk outdoors in the pool and talk. Connecting with other people has been my beginning.
It sounds trite and Oh so 80s to say join a support group, but dang it if just being there every day for an hour or two in the pool doesn't make me feel so much more connected and grounded. I am taking care of me, and becoming a "human being" rather than a "human doing" finally.
I am rediscovering the simple joy of sitting quietly and comfortably. I plan for my future and enjoy my children growing up and moving on.
Hopefully, when that fateful day comes, and my house is ringingly quiet I will be able to sigh, sit down and read a good book. More than likely I'll be pacing around, chewing my thumb nail worrying, but maybe, just maybe, knowing that I'm not alone will ease the ache and give me strength.