How to tell her?

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How to tell her?

michael scofield michael scofield
first off i have social issues, anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings, etc. I met this girl. and forced myself to pursue the relationship since she liked me and always wanted to hang out instead of pushing people alway like i always do i welcomed her into my life. but it is just too much for me. how do i put it in a nice way that I dont want to continue this? we are not together just friends and we have known each other for about a month now. but she really really likes me! I just want to end it so i dont brake her heart. i have never been in this situation before.
09/14/2012
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Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I was in a situation like this a few times (though not quite as severe from the sound of it), and I found being upfront but gentle had positive results. I just said that, nice as they were and as flattered as I was to have their attention, it just wasn't feeling right. I said that I loved them as friends, but to love them as anything more didn't quite fit for me. Neither of the people I said this to were offended.

Now, it's hard to say how your friend will react. It may be easy to avoid breaking her heart, or it may be impossible no matter what you try - people vary wildly in how well they take bad news no matter how it's presented. But if this relationship truly isn't something you want to pursue, then you have to be honest. If you aren't, it may end up hurting both of you more down the line.

Although I will say, that if you do like this girl in "that way" and you're just worried about your social troubles, it may be worthwhile to seek counseling. Whatever you decide, be sure that it's the right decision for you.
09/15/2012
Sodom and Gomorrah Sodom and Gomorrah
Say it now and say it gently.
09/15/2012
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Only advice I can give is to tell her how you truly feel don't lie about it or you can simply tell her you would love to remain friends but right now a relationship is just too much for you to handle at the moment. I hope it all goes well for you like Rin said there is no telling how your friend will react. Not to mention if you were uncomfortable to begin with you shouldn't have forced yourself into this relationship. Best of Luck
09/15/2012
K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by michael scofield
first off i have social issues, anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings, etc. I met this girl. and forced myself to pursue the relationship since she liked me and always wanted to hang out instead of pushing people alway like i always do i welcomed her ...
First of all, I'm not understanding. Are you wanting to break things off because you're anti-social disorder or because you don't like her? Or both?

Honestly, i'd say join a good support group for your anxiety, social disorder. Even an online one can be fantastic! I have been a member of an online support group for a condition I have -- Misophonia or "4S" or "sound sensitivity." I had little choice for support groups since there aren't any for this condition anywhere near my area. So I can tell you a group who's understanding even just via messaging is so helpful! Whether you want to stick with her or not, I still say you should look into the group to maybe help relieve some of this anxiety.

The best way to break things off with her without hurting her? Tell her about your personal issues. Really. She will understand those far better than the "it's not you, it's me" line or better than "I just want to be friends" Be honest with her and tell her you feel you can't go further into the relationship because of these anxieties and that you'd worry about putting pressure on her too. That will be a good way to break it easily. She won't be as hurt or take it as personally. This is if you still want to remain friends. Tell her and say you just want to take it down to a more friend-only level so that you're able to work through your issues at your own pace without putting loads of stress on you both. Surely she'd still be your friend then. But if you're not wanting to stay friends with her anyways, you may just have to tell her that it's because you're not interested. If so though, just try to tell her you need more personal time to work through the anxieties?

Hope this was at least somewhat helpful. I personally think something along those lines would do well.
09/15/2012
shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
is it because you dont like her or because the thought of a relationship is scary to you and just alot to deal with? If its because you feel its going to fast and its your anxiety but you like her then I would just put it you need to slow down because your not use to whats happening.Boy if you like her dont break it off because its scary!It could turn into something wonderful and comforting!!!But if its just you dont have interest in her then..idk..just tell her otherwise it will be harder down the road
09/15/2012
PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Be honest with her, but gentle. Explain that you have anxiety problems and are getting a little overwhelmed. It doesn't mean your friendship has to end, but helping her to understand what's going on in your mind might help her to back off a little bit.
09/15/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Anything but the Silence and Avoidance crap that so many other guys do.

Honestly, admit that you're glad you met her and that she's contributed a lot to your life, but you don't feel ready for anything regular yet.
09/15/2012
js250 js250
Be honest and friendly. Let her in on what is going on---you may be surprised at her reaction. Do not close any doors, but leave the line of friendship open, you never know how things may work out for the future.
09/15/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 9