How would you react in this situation.....remember , my husband is her son!

js250 js250
When my husband was killed a couple weeks ago I had to stay with my daughter for a few days to be able to handle the situation on my own. While I was out of MY house, my husband's mother....
--Found our spare key and let herself into the house without permission.
--Took my husband's 6 guitars, my antique violin, my granddaughter's mini guitar and about 12 of the 'gifts' she gave him over a few holidays. (I already told his son we would pack all the family items up for them.)
--Repeatedly stabbed my DAUGHTER'S wedding dress with a knife.
--AND emptied my upright freezer of the $700-1100 worth of meat inside of it.
--Our camera.
--My cell phone he was using, etc.

She did not take...photos of my husband, his coats, his collections or anything that meant something to him.

I have not pressed charges, but have let my attorney know what happened and have submitted a list of items illegally removed from my home. I am trying to respect my husband and grieve for him. She tried to ban me from his viewing--no legal grounds, obviously--has called every relative she has to trash talk about me--not reminisce about her son--and more...WTF??? Even a fricking alligator has more feelings for their young!!!

What would you do? Please keep in mind that I feel VERY strongly about giving my husband the respect he deserves.....
Mar 22, 2:17 am
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I'd press charges immediately. Theft is theft but stabbing the wedding dress is over the top.
Mar 22, 4:23 am
Pete's Princess Pete's Princess
Without knowing the history or what kind of relationship you want (if any) with her in the future, it is hard to say. Does she normally do such crazy things? Stealing things is awful, but perhaps you might reason that she wanted some things of her son's or that she gave him. That is if this is out of character for her. Stabbing a wedding dress is over the top by any standards. It also sounds like she may be dangerous.

If you do not want a relationship with her, I would press charges and take out a restraining order. Without a police report, or her admitting she did it, it may be hard to get those things back or sue her for their value. Have your locks changed and get a security system installed.

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine going though all you have gone through then dealing with this craziness.
Mar 22, 4:30 am
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by Pete's Princess
Without knowing the history or what kind of relationship you want (if any) with her in the future, it is hard to say. Does she normally do such crazy things? Stealing things is awful, but perhaps you might reason that she wanted some things of her ... More
This is standard behavior for her....I quit talking to her 3 years ago when she was talking shit about my husband. I want that woman out of my life--and as far as getting things that were my husbands, I had already worked the details out with his son. I am giving him everything from before my husband and I were married, all their family items and 1/2 of the items that were purchased during our marriage. Things will not bring my husband back, but may comfort his son. I have our home together, our truck and our memories...I have him with me every time I lay in our bed, sit in his chair, look at our life souveniers....

My daughter's wedding dress broke her heart and enraged me! I am just holding off right now so I can give my husband the respect and honor he deserves.
Mar 22, 7:33 am
Castielskitten Castielskitten
I'm so sorry that happened I hope things get a lot better for you!

I'd press charges, after all she broke in, stole items, and stabbing your daughters wedding dress was very much over the top. I'm sitting here in shock, I can't believe anyone would do that, especially during the time she should be grieving the loss of her son. I understand that you want to give the respect and honor to your husband that he most certainly deserves, and I hope things really do work out, this sounds like a very tough ordeal. I wish I could offer more comfort or any advice.
Mar 22, 10:42 am
edeneve edeneve
don't wait for more strikes at you w/o taking precautions. yes, file charges & get a restraining order. create a history of her displays of pure meanness.
Mar 22, 8:02 pm
PadoruLover PadoruLover
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
don't wait for more strikes at you w/o taking precautions. yes, file charges & get a restraining order. create a history of her displays of pure meanness.
I agree who knows what she could end up doing next time.
Mar 22, 8:42 pm
Eliza Eliza
I would press charges and get a restraining order. Who knows what she would do next.
Mar 23, 1:50 pm
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
This is standard behavior for her....I quit talking to her 3 years ago when she was talking shit about my husband. I want that woman out of my life--and as far as getting things that were my husbands, I had already worked the details out with his ... More
I understand you want to respect your husband, but let's think about what HE would want you to do, too. I happen to know he was very protective of you and I cannot believe he, or anyone, would think it disrespectful to his memory to protect your reputation and your safety and that of your loved ones. (She likely thought that dress was your's, but maybe she knew it was your daughter's. Either way, it's her way of serving notice to you that this is not going to just go away.) There is absolutely no disrespect shown to his memory by anyone but his mother. Clearly, she is not content to leave things as they are. She will continue to stir the pot.

This woman has made a concerted effort to attack you with malice and forethought (you know what I mean, even the call to the police was planned to cause you trouble calling you a girlfriend and not his wife)! By attempting to ruin your reputation, stealing things and so much more, she's shown she is not about to stop. Now she's showing signs of being unhinged by her stabbing that wedding dress. She has escalated over time and is a true menace to your well being, not just your grieving!

You need to be documenting all of this as it happens with the police and your lawyer because it carries more weight with the law than recounting it afterwards. They won't be running their mouths telling anyone what you've done, so that can't hurt his memory. However, SHE IS running her mouth and disrespecting your husband's memory. Perhaps stopping her is the best thing you can do for him? He wouldn't want her doing all this.

I am glad you have told your lawyer, but now is time to seek her advice about what steps she would take if it was happening to her. At the least, you need to report the theft (and wasn't your house under lockdown as a crime scene? She not only broke in to steal, she committed a crime by disturbing a crime scene)! I would get a restraining order, and report everything as fast as I could because she has now had time to dispose of, or hide, everything. It's a bitch to track down pawned goods after a while, for example, then again, she could have burned stuff, too or otherwise destroyed it, just so you can't have it.

Obviously, she could care less about her son and is consumed with trying to hurt you. The stabbing the wedding dress is a big, scary, warning sign that she's deeply disturbed and could come after your daughter, grandchildren, pets and eventually you after taking everything you love away from you. You are not creating a scene or escalating this by protecting yourself legally. Your attempt to let her cool down and not engage her was noble, but she won't stop trying to hurt you and engage you. By keeping your actions through the court, police and your lawyer, you are not only depriving her of more attempts to attack you, but you are also keeping her from making a scene and a circus of this. As long as you don't let her near you and refuse to talk to her, you are respecting his memory. But being a sitting duck is not going to help and indeed is now looking like that's what you will be while she plots more attacks on you.

The best way to show your husband respect at this point is to not let her use this irrational vendetta to make a bigger scene than she already has. So far (as far as you know) she has only bad mouthed you to relatives and such. but she is not going to be happy with just that for long. And eventually she will do something that gets her arrested. I don't think her making such a spectacle is something your hubby would want. I am so sorry this demon woman has stressed you out like this on top of your grieving; it's unconscionable! Maybe sitting in a jail cell would give her time to think and miss her son, but frankly, I doubt it. I think she is too far gone and likely has been for years. All it took was something to get her to unleash her vitriol and a target to go after and unfortunately, that's you.
Mar 23, 10:03 pm
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 8