I'm having a really bad day...

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I'm having a really bad day...

VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I'm scared to death. So scared I can't even cry, I just feel numb. Me and my boyfriend don't want kids ever. I understand everyone has their own views and opinions and I'm not trying to tell anyone what's right and wrong. I don't want to get harrassed from this post because I'm in a really emotional state right now. I just want to vent and share my experience of the day.

I've been on the mini-pill micronor for over a year and everything was fine, but then my period started to turn into "just a spot" and "hardly anything" for only a day, random days. I honestly thought it was my pills because some women say they take mini-pills and don't get periods at all and that mini-pills don't regulate your period as well ect ect... I've been shrugging it off. I haven't felt any weird side effects or anything different.

Today I was watching about 5 minutes of that show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and it made me all paranoid because of my strange short almost non existent periods. I went to the bathroom and took a clearblue pregnancy test that expired last year... I know it was a bad idea to use an expired test but I did it anyway. The test said pregnant. I was really upset but on the other hand it's an expired test so I threw it away and assumed it was wrong. I had my boyfriend go to the store to get a brand new box of tests of a different brand, e.p.t.

So a little later I took a new test and it said the same thing. Pregnant. I was so upset and had the worst breakdown. This isn't a happy thing to me and my boyfriend, it's the opposite. Please don't judge me about our views, I'm just posting my experience.

I went to the doc an hour later and got a blood test done. It's friday and I won't get the results until monday. I'm hoping that the test will come back negative. This weekend is going to be long and horrible. I'm beyond upset, scared, disappointed (I take my pills on time every single night for years!) and overall, just... anxious and depressed. I'm wishing so badly that the tests are wrong.

If the test is positive and I'm indeed pregnant I plan on getting an abortion, the earlier the better. I'm worried to death about if I am pregnant and how far along it is. I have no clue.

The whole point of this post is to vent my emotions and also to reach out to other women that have had an abortion before that might be willing to talk to me privately through a pm.
10/05/2012
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- Kira - - Kira -
I haven't had an abortion, but my mom has. She was young and with an older guy. Neither of them were in a position to have children, so she aborted. She'll stand by that decision as the right thing to do to this day. I know she doesn't regret it at all. She waited until she was older and ready to have kids.

If you don't want children, do what you think is best. I hope your test comes back negative. Best of luck no matter what happens.
10/05/2012
Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm scared to death. So scared I can't even cry, I just feel numb. Me and my boyfriend don't want kids ever. I understand everyone has their own views and opinions and I'm not trying to tell anyone what's right and wrong. I ...
So sorry you're going through this. False positives are really uncommon so it's very likely your blood test will be positive too. Either way, it is completely your decision to terminate the pregnancy. Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad about your decision. I myself haven't had an abortion but I'd be more than willing to give you some support Just try to calm down and relax, in the end, it will all work out for you.
10/05/2012
Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm scared to death. So scared I can't even cry, I just feel numb. Me and my boyfriend don't want kids ever. I understand everyone has their own views and opinions and I'm not trying to tell anyone what's right and wrong. I ...
Oops, double post.
10/05/2012
Beck Beck
I haven't had an abortion. I've known a few women who have. I won't talk about that though. I just wanted to offer my support. Hugs to you! And good luck.
10/05/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Thanks for the kind words.

At least I got some sleep. When I woke up I felt like I had a bad dream, too bad it wasn't just a dream. My cat nipped my ankle and I'm just so emotionally sensitive I just burst into tears about everything today. It's been rough for me and my boyfriend. He had to go to work and he's exhausted and freaked out too. I can't believe I have to wait until monday...
10/06/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
Thanks for the kind words.

At least I got some sleep. When I woke up I felt like I had a bad dream, too bad it wasn't just a dream. My cat nipped my ankle and I'm just so emotionally sensitive I just burst into tears about everything ...
I don't want kids either. Ever. I understand how you feel. But no matter what, everything will be okay. If you're too far along, there is adoption. I know it would suck to have a baby in general, but there are always options.
10/06/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
I understand and don't judge you at all--I don't want kids at this point in my life, and I would be very upset if I found out that I was pregnant, especially after being on the pill for so long. I too, would get an abortion. I don't take the situation lightly, and it sounds like you are the same way. But try to think of it this way:

You and your boyfriend both know what you want and what you don't want. You already know what you want to do in case the test comes back positive. At the very least, you have something of a plan for what to do about it. You have options of course, and can always change your mind, but you seem to be clear about what to do if it turns out you are pregnant. So, that part of deciding is already done.

The second part, which is going through with it, will be tough, but remember, many women have had abortions, and in the States (I'm assuming you're in the States?), that's thankfully a right that we still have. It will be tough, but in the end, it will all be okay--I promise! Things have a way of working themselves out. You're just in the thick of it right now, and that's the hardest place to be.

What's really important this weekend though, is that you be good to yourself. Try to get some sleep. Relax in a hot bath, watch a favorite movie, read a favorite book, have your boyfriend get your favorite carry out for dinner--whatever you need to do to be kind to yourself, do it. Waiting is difficult, but it is ten times worse when you dwell in the meantime. Think of what you enjoy doing, and try to do it.

Hang in there--it will get better! I promise you!
10/06/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
I understand and don't judge you at all--I don't want kids at this point in my life, and I would be very upset if I found out that I was pregnant, especially after being on the pill for so long. I too, would get an abortion. I don't take ...
>.> What an excellent reply, Supervixen. You said it much better. lol
10/06/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Yeah, I live in the US. I live in the northwest and everything is very open and lenient around here when it comes to these things. So I feel lucky for that. The nearest place that does this is only an hour away so thankfully it's not that far off.

Thank goodness there are options... without Planned Parenthood to offer safe procedures and explanations... I just can't even fathom a world where there is no Planned Parenthood. I practically read everything on their website and watched the videos and I learned so much. It made me cry because I'm nervous but also just thinking of all the other women that go through these same emotions and need help.

I've been keeping myself busy and distracted but it's hard. My communication with my boyfriend kinda sucks right now because we are both terrified and quiet, it's hard to smile or laugh like we usually do. It's sad.
10/06/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm scared to death. So scared I can't even cry, I just feel numb. Me and my boyfriend don't want kids ever. I understand everyone has their own views and opinions and I'm not trying to tell anyone what's right and wrong. I ...
It's your body and your choice, but if your bf is happy...perhaps take some time and sit down and let him have a share in the decision. Good luck!
10/06/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm scared to death. So scared I can't even cry, I just feel numb. Me and my boyfriend don't want kids ever. I understand everyone has their own views and opinions and I'm not trying to tell anyone what's right and wrong. I ...
Sorry. Read that wrong. Thought you said it wasn't happy to you, but it was the opposite for your bf. If neither of you are interested in having kids, then there is no reason to go through that. P.S. I am on the pill, and if I got pregnant right now, there is no way I would have a baby. No judgement here!
10/06/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Well. You could always just cuddle your boyfriend. That works best for me and mine when we can't really talk but we need support.

You don't always need words.
10/06/2012
LoveYouLikeThat LoveYouLikeThat
Thinking about you! I hope everything goes smoothly and you guys bounce back.

It's a scary situation.. I found out I was pregnant to my husband (Then boyfriend.. of 7 months :-/) I was only 19 years old. I was scared and just starting out my life.. We decided to keep the baby. One thing that did pass my mind was abortion. If I didnt have my other half around I would have. Only because I was so scared.

BUT, I know that some people just dont want kids (I envy them sometimes), and I think it's a wise choice. I hope the proceedure goes as smooth as possible, and that you recover quickly. (()).

I wont judge, I know how those situations can be.

I'd maybe ask about different forms of birth control when you talk to your doctor, that way you dont have a scare again!
10/06/2012
fernwehh fernwehh
Just chiming in to offer my support! It's such a nervewracking situation to be in, but I'm hoping you can get things taken care of and go on with your life soon after. Planned Parenthood is awesome and while I haven't had an abortion myself, I know of people who have and have said nothing but the best about PP. As for support in the meantime, I feel like reading things online can go either way as far as making you feel better versus freaking you out, so my suggestion would be to take things with a grain of salt until you can get in with a doctor to talk about your options.
10/06/2012
PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Sorry you are going through this but it is your body you choose to do with it what you want. I have never had one. I know some people who have but they were not ready. If you are not ready then the chose is yours. I hope everything works out for you.
10/06/2012
LoveYouLikeThat LoveYouLikeThat
Quote:
Originally posted by fernwehh
Just chiming in to offer my support! It's such a nervewracking situation to be in, but I'm hoping you can get things taken care of and go on with your life soon after. Planned Parenthood is awesome and while I haven't had an abortion ...
^^^x2. Esp not WebMD. It will make a case of the sniffles turn into cancer and you'll die in 3 days time

(Smile dear! You have our thoughts and our support!)
10/06/2012
Jul!a Jul!a
I just want to hop in and give you a virtual hug and to tell you that I hope everything works out for you.
10/06/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Quote:
Originally posted by LoveYouLikeThat
^^^x2. Esp not WebMD. It will make a case of the sniffles turn into cancer and you'll die in 3 days time

(Smile dear! You have our thoughts and our support!)
LOL!! Oh my god, I'm always doing that, LYLT!!! XD
10/06/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Me and my boyfriend talked more today and it was better. It was a long day and tomorrow is going to be a long day too.
10/07/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Oh my god... It's a lot further along than I thought. I had the ultrasound today. I'm really upset. I don't feel like continuing to talk about this here in the forums, it just makes me uncomfortable. I might take a break from here for a while because I need to take care of things a.s.a.p. I'm so overwhelmed. So many things to do, papers to sign, people to call... My pills, Micronor, FAILED MISERABLY. I wouldn't recommend these pills to anyone, especially if you're chubby/overweight. DO NOT TAKE THEM. I took them perfectly every single day and they failed!

A while back when I was getting my annual exam/refill, there was a new nurse at the clinic that took me off my combined pills instantly (because of my blood pressure) and put me on the mini pill. She COULD have put me on a lower dose (because it was a pretty high dose, my blood pressure was rising, but she still could have just lowered it to see what would happen...) The nurse that's been there for years and years said she shouldn't have put me on Micronor (I remember the day!) and she didn't. I don't want to blame anyone but she told me that nurse was new and was only there for 3 months. She gave lots of women Micronor and I'm 1 of 2 girls that got pregnant (so far.) I was also told that she was kind of snobby and didn't listen. (I never liked her in the first place, I always felt she was kinda rude.) I strongly feel that this decision is what's fucking up my life right now.

Any of you can send me a message if you want... Ask me stuff or just give me a few words. I don't know. -sigh-
10/08/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
Oh my god... It's a lot further along than I thought. I had the ultrasound today. I'm really upset. I don't feel like continuing to talk about this here in the forums, it just makes me uncomfortable. I might take a break from here ...
I hate nurses like that. I can't believe she just made a mess of two people's lives like that. . .
10/09/2012
VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I couldn't sleep and I had a breakdown... being on the internet and having the tv on for background noise distracts me. These websites are so important to read. They have so much information that is so helpful. I wanted to post the links here to share. I think even if you don't plan on this ever happening to you, (I sure as hell didn't expect this! I take my pills perfectly!) you should have a plan on "what if." Know where you're going and what options you have. I've been reading stuff like a maniac and all of these websites have really good information. It really alleviates a lot of stress and anxiety by knowing the facts and writing things down.

I didn't think this would ever happen to me. I am so shocked and horrified. I'm begging all the women that read my post here to learn -everything- you can about your birth control method and what to do in case of an unplanned pregnancy so you have a plan. When you know what to do it's still a scary situation but at least you know where you're going. Not knowing what is happening or what the immidiate future holds is so incredibly scary and your imagination can go wild. My imagination has gotten the best of me several times this weekend and sends me into panic attacks that escalate. I have to stop and breathe and know that there's people out there that can help me.

(abortion information)
link

(tells the status of your baby week by week to help you visualize what's going on.)
link

(Lots of info plus you can search for clinics nearest to your location.)
link

(it's a uk site but it has a lot of good info on it about POP pills or mini pills, the kind I was taking on time every day and they still failed me because I ovulated.)
link

(A page about Micronor, the pill I was on.)
link
10/09/2012
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
Oh my god... It's a lot further along than I thought. I had the ultrasound today. I'm really upset. I don't feel like continuing to talk about this here in the forums, it just makes me uncomfortable. I might take a break from here ...
I wanted to add something about these specific pills because I was on them for a while. They're far less effective than the regular pill. Doctors usually prescribe them to breastfeeding mothers because BF is something of birth control in itself. You have a VERY small window in which to take them--3 hours as compared to 12 or so with regular pills. Missing a single day throws off your entire cycle. You can't have sex for, I believe, a week, after that without other protection. Very finicky.

If you (people in general, not the OP) have no specific reason to be on a micropill/POP, don't. Get on a regular pill or another type of BC.

Best of luck to you, VioletMoonstone.
10/12/2012
GONE! GONE!
I send all the good wishes and vibes to you. I hope that everything from here on out works out for you, peaceful sleep, and that you don't have any more trouble with awful medical providers not giving you what you really need.
10/12/2012
LoveYouLikeThat LoveYouLikeThat
They wanted me on the minipill after I had my youngest, due to breastfeeding. I dont trust BC pill, esp a low dose one for me to forget taking at the perfect hour. I ended up going on Mirena.

You are still in our thoughts! Please dont feel alone, we are thinking about you, and support your decisions. (())
10/12/2012
LoveYouLikeThat LoveYouLikeThat
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I couldn't sleep and I had a breakdown... being on the internet and having the tv on for background noise distracts me. These websites are so important to read. They have so much information that is so helpful. I wanted to post the links here ...
Just wanted to say that you are awesome to help other women with these links/info. You are helping others!!!
10/12/2012
Total posts: 27
Unique posters: 13