If Your Parnet Said...

Ansley Ansley
"Blogging is shameless self promotion" and he/she were not aligned with the practice at all, how would you feel if blogging was a part of your everyday life?



Edit: DAMN IT...Typos are not typical with me, that was supposed to be PARTNER.
Damn you Budweiser!
07/15/2011
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Ansley Ansley
I was really hurt, honestly. It seems to be the only thing I'm good at besides fucking his brains out and to be dismissed as...a pariah of sorts...just stung soo badly. I don't know what to think now. Of my efforts...of my blog...of the book he's been supposedly encouraging me to write based off our relationship. How is writing a book any different than blogging about it in pieces? *sigh*


Also, I wish we could edit titles or delete threads we created.
07/15/2011
Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
I'm sorry your parnet is being such an ass. ::hugs::
07/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Ivy Wilde
I'm sorry your parnet is being such an ass. ::hugs::
LOL Thanks!
07/15/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Over the last 20 years I have learned that sometimes men speak without ever thinking. They don't mean harm, they just open mouth and insert ass. Hugs hon, sorry he made you feel bad. Don't stop doing what you enjoy because of something someone said though.
07/15/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
Over the last 20 years I have learned that sometimes men speak without ever thinking. They don't mean harm, they just open mouth and insert ass. Hugs hon, sorry he made you feel bad. Don't stop doing what you enjoy because of something ... More
You are such a sweet person! Thank you. It's hard though. I feel like I don't have anything of value to add to our lives now. I'm not trying to be a drama queen, but I really feel shattered. I've been hiding it and I know it's not a good thing, but if it's something he doesn't value then why try to defend it at all. He won't change his opinion and I won't stop trying to share mine. I feel so worthless right now.
07/15/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyintexas
Over the last 20 years I have learned that sometimes men speak without ever thinking. They don't mean harm, they just open mouth and insert ass. Hugs hon, sorry he made you feel bad. Don't stop doing what you enjoy because of something ... More
This is so true. My partner sometimes says things too without thinking. He swears he didn't mean it the way I take it, but when I repeat it back to him he'll admit that it sounds pretty bad. They just don't think before they say things sometimes. If it bothers you, talk to him about it. He loves you, and I'm sure he didn't mean to belittle you by saying it. Whenever my man says something that hurts my feelings we talk about it (unless it's so minor that it doesn't require acknowledgement), but it really helps him understand me better, and it helps me understand him better too.
07/15/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Honestly, men and women alike do this kind of thing. We don't censor ourselves around the people we love. Sometimes we say stupid shit and don't even realize it has hurt anyone's feelings, unless they say so.

Was he talking about your blog? Or just spewing about bloggers in general?

Did you tell him it hurt your feelings? If not, you need to address it now. You might be surprised at his response.

There are times when I have gotten my feeling hurt just because I took what my husband said personally and it really had nothing to do with me at all.

Talk to him...it might make you feel a lot better. ()
07/16/2011
v23 v23
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
Honestly, men and women alike do this kind of thing. We don't censor ourselves around the people we love. Sometimes we say stupid shit and don't even realize it has hurt anyone's feelings, unless they say so.

Was he talking ... More
Wonderful answer! Agreed. You should definitely address the issue and let him know how you feel.
07/16/2011
Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Everyone's allowed their little things. If yours is blogging then he'll just have to get over it. Additionally, if you're working on becoming a writer then blogging (among other writing activities) is good practice.
07/16/2011
Kindred Kindred
(Let's not make this a male bashing thread please. Let's face it, both male and female partners can say the dumbest things at times.)

My suggestion, talk to him and tell him what blogging means to you. If it's not "shameless self-promotion," then what is it to you. Blogging can mean so many different things to people ranging from a simple forum to share yourself to therapy as an outlet for expressing yourself. If he understood better what it truly means to you, perhaps he would not be so callous in his comments. If he still does not understand and at least respect your decision to blog, then you may have to evaluate the relationship. If my partner did not respect my art, I would feel that they did not respect me either.
07/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
Honestly, men and women alike do this kind of thing. We don't censor ourselves around the people we love. Sometimes we say stupid shit and don't even realize it has hurt anyone's feelings, unless they say so.

Was he talking ... More
I think Redboxbaby has something here. I think both genders say things without thinking regularly. I don't think either are more guilty than the other.

FTR, My Man has the same opinion of blogs and has given me grief about Facebook of all things. I actually said to him, "400 million people are wrong and you're right?" He said, "Yeah, I know I'm right. They're all idiots." *Sheesh* That includes a good number of his relatives, among these "idiots."

It isn't because he's a man, not by a long shot. It's just his personality. (I privately call it "Swollen Dom Head Syndrome") He also got upset because I don't want to share an email address at home with him. I mean, WHO, in this day and age shares e mail addresses? He has two at work and doesn't understand "Why do you need your own?" I'm... an adult. That may have something to do with it.

It's rough when the people we love don't always value the same things that we do. Your blog is your thing, Sapphire. He may not like it, but he doesn't have to. I've learned over so many years with this man that we have to have different interests.

I'm sorry you were so badly hurt. It does sting when instead of just saying "I don't care for that." he says, "That's stupid." There is a difference and its substantial.

Hugs.
07/16/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
(Let's not make this a male bashing thread please. Let's face it, both male and female partners can say the dumbest things at times.)

My suggestion, talk to him and tell him what blogging means to you. If it's not "shameless ... More
I think Kindred makes a really good point here.

It's likely that he hasn't given blogging a lot of thought, and was just casually dismissing it out-of-hand, not understanding that it can have different meanings for different people. I read a handful of economics blogs, for example, that don't have much to do with promoting their writers at all---just interesting exchange of information. Sex toy blogging can be good for exploring your sexuality, and finding a community of like-minded people to discuss things with (which benefits him, too, in the long run). I'm not sure what your particular blog is focused on, or what you get from it. But you should say something like "Hey, [boyfriend], it was kind of hurtful to me when you casually dismissed all blogging as 'shameless self promotion' last night---some of it might be, but that's not the case for all blogs. It would make me feel better if you acknowledged some of these possible positive reasons..." and then describe some of the positive things you gain from it.

I have to raise my hand during discussions with my sig. other all the time saying "excuse me, I don't want to distract from our actual focus here but that was kind of an unwarranted generalization" and it's always met with a "whoops, you're right, I was just trying to make a point quickly and I didn't think it all the way through, I only meant 'x is the case in some situations' "--- (it must be exhausting as all get-out to talk about anything with me but at least everyone's feelings keep from getting hurt.) Anyway, even though I'm usually pretty careful about what I say, I still make generalizations offhandedly too. And my partners have called me on it, and I always realize I had spoken without really thinking--and then apologize, explain what I really meant (or listen to his explanation of how I trod on his toes, and adapt how I think about things to include the new information) and then we move on with the conversation.

Just mention it quietly, I'm sure he'll understand and be a little more careful about not making generalizations about blogging from here on out.

Does he know you have a blog?
07/16/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
I think Kindred makes a really good point here.

It's likely that he hasn't given blogging a lot of thought, and was just casually dismissing it out-of-hand, not understanding that it can have different meanings for different people. I ... More
He called me the Queen of Social Media not too long ago. I don't have facebook, I don't have twitter, or a myspace. I JUST created my blog on kinky-blogging.com and haven't even put word one up, yet.

I think I may have taken his comment out context, we were talking about a friend of mine who always calls to update me on her life, not to find out what's going on in my life. I'm sick of it. I started the question with what do you think about people who do this kind of stuff? And he said he couldn't stand it but somehow or another blogging was thrown into the mix. We're about to have a nice afternoon, so I'll probably bring it up midway through.

And thank you to everyone who responded! These are all great points!

Hugs back to P'Gell, thanks!
07/16/2011
ss143 ss143
Good luck with the talk and most likely it was something he said to the wind not thinking it completely through or realizing you would think he was also referring to your blogging
07/16/2011
Ansley Ansley
Update: It was indeed something he just put out there without thinking about it and he wasn't talking about me, specifically and he would "never downplay anything I was trying to accomplish".
07/17/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Update: It was indeed something he just put out there without thinking about it and he wasn't talking about me, specifically and he would "never downplay anything I was trying to accomplish".
Glad to hear it, Sapphire Storm I'm glad you guys are on the same page again.
07/17/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
Glad to hear it, Sapphire Storm I'm glad you guys are on the same page again.
Thanks Antipova! I'm easily unsettled and I should have known better.
07/17/2011
ss143 ss143
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Update: It was indeed something he just put out there without thinking about it and he wasn't talking about me, specifically and he would "never downplay anything I was trying to accomplish".
That's good glad things are ok for you
07/17/2011
sexyintexas sexyintexas
Yay! Glad it worked out. I wasn't trying to blame just men, lol, sorry if it came across that way. I think everyone says things without thinking sometimes. Its part of what makes us human and sometimes we don't realise that it hurts someone without them bringing it to our attention.
07/17/2011
Ivy Wilde Ivy Wilde
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Thanks Antipova! I'm easily unsettled and I should have known better.
I get upset easily too. It's just the way some of us are built. I'm really glad that things worked out for you.
07/24/2011
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 11