Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Kindred Kindred
I was cleaning out some old files and came across this story. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time! So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
09/14/2010
  • Save 60% on Spooktacular Kits  - 3 item set
  • Wicked Treats - Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    • Eden leather blindfold
    • Flaming amour silicone pearl bunny
    • Eden's glass ben wa balls
    Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    Expires on Oct, 31 at 3am ET Terms

  • Ghost Bride - Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    • Casper
    • Leather strap rider
    • Simple Clamps
    Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    Expires on Oct, 31 at 3am ET Terms

  • Black Magic - Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    • Eden Beaded Clamps
    • Heart Silicone Beads
    • Onyx
    Black Magic - Save 60% on 3 Item Set

    Expires on Oct, 31 at 3am ET Terms

  • Better Price Sale - Save 70%
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Jul!a Jul!a
I love it. Freaking hilarious!
09/14/2010
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
YES! So F'n funny, I just love those kind of stories.
09/14/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
So, does this cancel out the Pastafarian hell of it being filled with stale beer and diseased strippers?
09/14/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
So, does this cancel out the Pastafarian hell of it being filled with stale beer and diseased strippers?
It would depend on whether the FSM has decreed anything about ninjas being admitted to the ranks of unholy since Pirates > Ninjas, Ramen and praise His Holy Cheese. Still the Hell of the stale beer and diseased strippers HAS to exist because His Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster does, indeed and truth, exist. This is proven fact and unproven rumor as is purposeful and natural in Pastafari!
Ramen.
09/15/2010
socceras socceras
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
I was cleaning out some old files and came across this story. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic ... More
I have read this before lol
05/02/2012
Errant Venture Errant Venture
This is absolutely perfect .
05/05/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 7