joke sharing

  • Get FREE 5 Gifts with Orders $59+

joke sharing

married with children married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Share one of your favorite jokes below.
09/15/2011
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds "oh no, I could never do that you won't respect me" To this he responds "Baby I love you I will always respect you!" But she still says no.

1st anniversary, 5th anniversary, 10th anniversary, 20th anniversary the conversation is always the same.

Finally after 30 years of marriage she says " We have been married all this time and I still love you just as much. What can I do for you?" he says "all this time I have always answered I want a blow job, you know I'll respect you, please can I have a blow job" She finally agrees and delivers him a blow job.

When they are finished the phone rings and he gets up to answer it, she waits in the bed as he answers and she hears him say from the other room......"the phones for you.....cock sucker!"

I know terrible!!!! Hahahaha, but it's all I got!!
09/15/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ...
Yours was way better!!
09/15/2011
married with children married with children
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
Yours was way better!!
that one was good.
09/16/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
that one was good.
Hahaha! Thanks!
09/16/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ...
HA! That was pretty funny. Thanks I needed a laugh.
09/16/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds ...
That is bad. I know what I am getting you for Christmas...a joke book.
09/16/2011
sktb0007 sktb0007
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ...
lol, that's a good one!
09/16/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
That is bad. I know what I am getting you for Christmas...a joke book.
I'm really awful at telling jokes too! Hahaha
09/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Funny stuff!

My Man likes to tell "Offensive jokes." (So, if you're easily "offended" don't read them.)

Q: Why do women have such small feet? A: So they can get close to the stove.

Q: Why doesn't your wife need a watch? A: There's a clock on the stove, dummy.

Q: What is the definition of "making love?" A: It's something a woman does when a man is fucking her.
09/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for free."

The man starts packing his bags, too.

"What do you think you're doing?" The wife asks him.

He replies, "I'm coming with you. I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000.00 a year."

An other one
A new married couple checked into a hotel on their honeymoon. The desk clerk asked the husband, "Do you have any reservations?"

"Only one" said the husband, "She won't do anal."
09/16/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Funny stuff!

My Man likes to tell "Offensive jokes." (So, if you're easily "offended" don't read them.)

Q: Why do women have such small feet? A: So they can get close to the stove.

Q: Why doesn't ...
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
09/16/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for ...
at the last one!You guys make me laugh. I love it. Thanks.
09/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
I think they were separated at birth. You and I may have been, too.
09/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
LMAO! These are some of the same jokes my husband tells! Scary, the similarities.
I have one really offensive one. It's so bad, I don't want to post it, but I can send it to you.
09/16/2011
Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I have one really offensive one. It's so bad, I don't want to post it, but I can send it to you.
Oh please do!
09/16/2011
Illumin8 Illumin8
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ...
Hahaha very nice.
09/16/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Redboxbaby
Oh please do!
I did, it's in your inbox.
09/16/2011
AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
A man came home from work to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I'm moving to Las Vegas," she said, "In Vegas, I've heard I can get $500.00 for what I do for you for ...
Hahahaha! Those are cute!
09/17/2011
WierdAl WierdAl
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
this joke from a friend of mine:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal ...
The Farmer said to his wife I need a pair of pliars.

The wife responded by grabbing her breasts, the her peach the smacked her ass.

The farmer said dam woman I need a pair of pliars.

The wife speaks up and says I just told you:

Theres a pair
In the box
Under the seat
09/18/2011
dude dude
Quote:
Originally posted by AngelvMaynard
The only dirty joke I ever tell, so here goes.......

A newlywed couple get married and the bride tells her new husband "I love you so much, I'll do anything you want" He replies "I want a blow job!" She responds ...
I love this one, I don't think I could keep a straight face while telling it.

An old married couple's sitting on the couch.

The old mans flipping back and forth thru the fishing channel and a porn.

The woman's knitting and getting aggravated. Finally she yells out "Leave it on the Porn, you already know how to fish!"

Sorry it's lame.
09/24/2011
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 8