Most Embarrassing Sexual Moments (TMI)

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Most Embarrassing Sexual Moments (TMI)

kck kck
You know those memories that haunt you? The ones that creep up on you every now and then, make you smack your head, and blush? Well, those usually make for the best stories.

I'd like to turn one of my mortifying memories into something laughable. And maybe then I'll be able to get over it. If you have something you'd like to get off your chest, here's your chance

(WARNING: This thread will probably have some pretty graphic posts with TMI; proceed with caution if you're squeamish!)

My horror story:

Although my pediatrician assured me that I'd be 5'6" full grown, I was never able to climb above the height of the average 12 year old (seriously, doctors lie). My boyfriend, on the other hand, has always been a tall guy. Needless to stay, I am very petite, and he's an anatomical giant by comparison. Especially when considering the ratio of vaginal & oral cavities to penis.

Anyways, my guy, like most men, loves oral sex. Luckily for him, I enjoy performing it. Everything was fine and dandy until one day I tried to deep throat all 7.25 inches. After eating a hearty dinner of chicken and rice. Yeah.

Now, normally, I can deep throat. I do have a gag reflex, but if I pull out a little when I feel a gag coming on, I'm fine to go again. Not this time. I was working it. Really going to town. He was squirming and moaning: I could tell he was close. Then, as I'm deep throating, he thrusts. And his cock punches my uvula. And I begin to vomit. EVERYWHERE. He swiftly pulls me off of his puke-covered dick. And so then I vomit on his stomach. Mortified, I start to cry. His reaction was surprisingly calm; he tells me it's okay, that I shouldn't cry. So then what do I do? I stop crying and begin to LAUGH hysterically. Like some kinda crazy person. Vomit on his dick and stomach, vomit dripping from my mouth. I probably looked like a rabid lunatic. In fact, I know I did because he told me later.

Nowadays, I'm much more careful when deep throating. And yes, he still lets me go down on him... but only if I haven't eaten yet ;P
07/05/2010
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P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
You know those memories that haunt you? The ones that creep up on you every now and then, make you smack your head, and blush? Well, those usually make for the best stories.

I'd like to turn one of my mortifying memories into something ...
OMG, I'm sorry, but I am laughing hysterically right now. Especially the part where he later TOLD YOU you looked like a rabid lunatic. hahahaaa Sorry. It must have been awful, but I sense you have healed, now that you can share with us.

I, after decades with this Man still feel I have to explain every queef, "Oh, what that wasn't....that was...you know....." And he just says, "Yeah, I know where it came from, shut up and suck me." He thinks I talk too much during sex.

Whatever....
07/06/2010
Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
OMG, I'm sorry, but I am laughing hysterically right now. Especially the part where he later TOLD YOU you looked like a rabid lunatic. hahahaaa Sorry. It must have been awful, but I sense you have healed, now that you can share with us. ...
Hahha I always feel the need to explain too. Usually it's after everything when I am in the bathroom peeing...so of course the toilet just adds to the acoustics of it all! I usually just try to ya know...casually mention how it's my vagina and not my ass making all that racket LOL
07/06/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
OMG, I'm sorry, but I am laughing hysterically right now. Especially the part where he later TOLD YOU you looked like a rabid lunatic. hahahaaa Sorry. It must have been awful, but I sense you have healed, now that you can share with us. ...
LOL!!! Yeah, I've tried to 'splain away my queefs before. Doesn't work for me either

And I am glad my story made you laugh! I mean, it's horrible. But it's kinda funny, too
07/06/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
Hahha I always feel the need to explain too. Usually it's after everything when I am in the bathroom peeing...so of course the toilet just adds to the acoustics of it all! I usually just try to ya know...casually mention how it's my vagina ...
LOL @ toilet acoustics. The best part is that I know *exactly* what you're talking about
07/06/2010
fatesrelease fatesrelease
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
You know those memories that haunt you? The ones that creep up on you every now and then, make you smack your head, and blush? Well, those usually make for the best stories.

I'd like to turn one of my mortifying memories into something ...
I'm sorry but this story is just fantastic. First thing in the morning and I'm already laughing Thanks for the good laugh! I'm sure that I would've been super embarrassed had it been me!
07/07/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by fatesrelease
I'm sorry but this story is just fantastic. First thing in the morning and I'm already laughing Thanks for the good laugh! I'm sure that I would've been super embarrassed had it been me!
What a way to start the morning! With this story, lol! Glad it made you smile
07/07/2010
kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
You know those memories that haunt you? The ones that creep up on you every now and then, make you smack your head, and blush? Well, those usually make for the best stories.

I'd like to turn one of my mortifying memories into something ...
oh my..*graphic* blood involved.* Well my boyfriend and I were at work and I was about to leave because I was off but we wanted to go downstairs where no one was,but they could run down anytime but we would have enough time to hurry and zip our pants up if we heard someone coming down the stairs..well making out and touching each other we decided to have a quick one,but I was stressed and really bloated because I have really bad ibs..well all those things combined and stress, I was hardly wet even though I wanted to have a quick one too. so he inserts himselfs and starts and then suddenly he stops and pulls out and I turn around in horror to see a puddle of blood on the ground and it squirting out..thank god no one saw I quickly ran for some napkins and my cup of water in the break room to help clean it up,he was ok just at the head he..wats the word tore a little skin close to a vein? idk but it just hurt for a long time and we didn't have sex for like a month.
07/13/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
oh my..*graphic* blood involved.* Well my boyfriend and I were at work and I was about to leave because I was off but we wanted to go downstairs where no one was,but they could run down anytime but we would have enough time to hurry and zip our pants ...
AAAAHH! Blood! Sounds scary! Thanks for sharing
07/13/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
You know those memories that haunt you? The ones that creep up on you every now and then, make you smack your head, and blush? Well, those usually make for the best stories.

I'd like to turn one of my mortifying memories into something ...
Now that is one awesome guy! A keeper for sure. I have never puked, and have RARELY gagged during oral...so no problem there but...

I was dating a guy who has a small penis. Like MAYBE 5" hard on a good day. Anyways, I got a little too used to it. We broke up and I dated someone else for a short period of time while that ex got his shit together.

The new guy I was dating had the largest dick I had ever been with-dating wise. He was average thickness but VERY long. Like 8". We had sex before...painfully in vanilla positions because I was still getting used to him. Then we decide to try doggie style. Now, as you women know...the guy gets a lot deeper.

Well...to my surprise it felt awesome...and then he started going deeper and I felt super wet. Then he kind of screamed bloody murder. There was blood EVERYWHERE. I IMMEDIATELY burst into tears. I couldn't help it, I was mortified. Idk what happened. I was no where near my period and I was not hurt in anyway. It was like my cherry was popped for the first time or something. Maybe it never was?!? I have no clue...but yea that was the most mortifying. The guy was cool about it though. Surprisingly because he has OCD. He laid with me while I cried until I calmed down. To this day, we refer to it as the massacre. Needless to say, we were not a good match...genitalia wise.
07/14/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
"having sex with my sister " LOL I read that too slow!


This reminds me of another time.

My ex boyfriend came to visit my at college. I had given my two roommates FAIR warning that he would be coming and we wanted alone time, so they went to the cafe to eat. My boyfriend came and we started going at it immediately. My roommate and I had bunk beds. He lifted we up to the top one and dangled my legs over, so he could stand and give me oral. It was sooooo hot. I was moaning a lot and he might have been moaning even more than me until...

My two roommates come waltzing in and see us screaming things like "OMG!", "Holy crap". Of course, barely anything embarrassed that boyfriend and he thought it was fucking hilarious. I was mortified since they NEVER let it go. For 2 more years of dating him, I had to hear about it every time he came to visit...which was a lot lol. It was even worse when once, in front of my roommates new boyfriend she brought up the story and made the comment "At least you have a pretty pussy!" Up until that point...I thought his head blocked everything. GUESS NOT!

And one would think the joke would die since I am no longer with that person and have no communication....but NO! they still bring it up lol.
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Now that is one awesome guy! A keeper for sure. I have never puked, and have RARELY gagged during oral...so no problem there but...

I was dating a guy who has a small penis. Like MAYBE 5" hard on a good day. Anyways, I got a little too ...
I'm sorry to hear that it was such a frightening experience, Lauren! I'd be pretty damn scared, too, if I started bleeding without any explanation. But LOL "the massacre." Word choice +5
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
"having sex with my sister " LOL I read that too slow!


This reminds me of another time.

My ex boyfriend came to visit my at college. I had given my two roommates FAIR warning that he would be coming and we wanted alone ...
WHAAAAAAT. I'd have found new roommates by now, lol. I'd be so mortified!

And this reminds me of a similar experience I had! I'd almost forgotten... thanks for reminding me, haha

It involves my boyfriend and I doing it on my loft bed in my dorm. And then my roommate busting in. And me shooting up half-naked in my bed, desperately pleading, "AAH! Um! Come back in a few minutes. Please..?" She left, and we tried to finish. But I think we were too paranoid. Waste all around. And soooo awkward because we totally did NOT get along.
07/14/2010
Blinker Blinker
I can relate to the puking story! I had a fuck buddy a few years ago that wanted a BJ and I went down on him but I was wasted in a lot of different ways. I didn't barf on his dick but immediately afterwards, I did. It was in his car and I was leaning over him in the driver's seat and finished him off, then tried to sit back in my seat but felt nauseous. I puked, or more like, just spit up his cum. It was the weirdest thing ever. It just kinda oozed out like a bad horror movie effect. He didn't care and I wiped it on the seat of his car and everywhere, which seemed like a good idea at the time. In the morning I had the crustiest looking clothes and he saw his car in the morning light and yelled "OMG BECCA WHAT THE FUCK."

Then a few weeks ago my boyfriend and I finished off a bottle of Patron and were going at it hardcore. He was flinging me around, there was hair pulling, slapping, everything. We were in doggie style and with every thrust he made I tried telling him I had to puke "I...*slam*...gotta... *slam*...throw...*slam *...up!"
All he could say was "Huh?" and I puked on the bed. We were too wasted and horny to stop so we kept going but avoided the puke. It was basically just like a margarita barf anyway.
07/14/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
#1-Leakage during anal sex, not much, but enough for me to be mortified. He didn't seem to mind.

#2-Queefing or actually trying NOT to fart after anal sex, but one slips out, lube and all.

#3-Bleeding spotting and lately that seems to happen every time, but should be solved once this birth control device is removed.

#4-Trying to have sex with a very small penis (I'll never forget that time). He just brushed it off, but I couldn't even keep it in either hole, it kept falling out! I felt embarrassed for him. Needless to say, we didn't date long and weren't a good match.
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I can relate to the puking story! I had a fuck buddy a few years ago that wanted a BJ and I went down on him but I was wasted in a lot of different ways. I didn't barf on his dick but immediately afterwards, I did. It was in his car and I was ...
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Girl, you are hardcore.
07/14/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
I'm sorry to hear that it was such a frightening experience, Lauren! I'd be pretty damn scared, too, if I started bleeding without any explanation. But LOL "the massacre." Word choice +5
LOL yea we had to have some humor in it! There is another bad incident although not involving sex that happened on V-Day...I refer to that as the Valentine's Day massacre...haha
07/14/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
WHAAAAAAT. I'd have found new roommates by now, lol. I'd be so mortified!

And this reminds me of a similar experience I had! I'd almost forgotten... thanks for reminding me, haha

It involves my boyfriend and I doing it on ...
LOL well they had their own moments too. One of them was am embaressing first time drunk who owed me BIG time. She pulled me down through a bush while she was drunkenly peeing. And the other narrowly missed me and puked crab rangoon all over a stop sign...it was winter...it froze haha!

LOL we continued but only because my boyfriend at the time was like totally un phased.
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
LOL well they had their own moments too. One of them was am embaressing first time drunk who owed me BIG time. She pulled me down through a bush while she was drunkenly peeing. And the other narrowly missed me and puked crab rangoon all over a stop ...
That is too funny, Lauren!!
07/14/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
That is too funny, Lauren!!
P.S. I love this thread! Thanks for starting it. I have blocked out most of my sexual past...too many unworthy assholes...but I will think of some more to add here. In the mean time...

Okay...not embarrassing for me but maybe for the guy. I was going to hook up with a guy who really wanted oral. Oral is like home base for me...a privilege for few. He didn't like the word no which I quickly figured out that he was a closet asshole. When he bragged about his dick and pulled it out in front of my face I actually SLAPPED it away. Stood up and walked out. Ego boost...not so much. I never talked to that guy again and after I told the girlfriend who introduced me about it, she told her friends and none of them talk to him either lol.
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
P.S. I love this thread! Thanks for starting it. I have blocked out most of my sexual past...too many unworthy assholes...but I will think of some more to add here. In the mean time...

Okay...not embarrassing for me but maybe for the guy. I ...
DAAAYUM. Look atchu, girl! And GOOD for you! I only hope I would have done the same. Not only because it's a great story, but, y'know, because he deserved it.

(And I'm glad you like the thread, lol. For a while there, no one was replying to my original post... which was even more mortifying than the story 'cause I'd really put myself out there. SO GLAD you all are sharing your stories! Surprising how they're weirdly relatable.)
07/14/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
I have had all the queef problems especially just after getting the green light to resume sex after giving birth...*sigh* getting everything back in order takes time and my guys are very understanding.
I once had a very embarassing moment though with Arch. I was busy, well, gettin busy, moaning and having a great time on top when suddenly I had that first spasm of orgasm and BRRRRRRPP farted. He just laughed and even today will tease me about it being so good that I had to put an exclamation point on it! He explained that he understands the mechanics of orgasm and sometimes the bowel will spasm...and you guessed it expel gas!
The very first time Arch tried fingering me I was in heaven, it felt awesome. Then he pulled his hand away and went totally white...there was a light film of blood! He had minorly nicked me with a nail, nothing serious but he was terrified and mortified that he had caused me pain! I explained that I wasn't in pain and it wasn't unusual for me to have light bleeding near my period after rough sex but nothing calmed him down. Now he cuts his nails VERY short before touching me!
Then there's the time when we were in highschool, Sigel and I, and we decided to go "parking". We climbed into the back seat and proceeded to get as close to sex as we had up till that point. We decided that this wasn't something we wanted to do and got redressed. We sat there talking and about an hour later a bright light gets shined into the car. It was a nasty police officer lookin to stamp out teen sex! Officer Friendly got us out of the car and kept quizzing us about where the "other couple" was...we explained that we had started to have sex and then changed our minds and were just talking but he was on a mission. He searched and searched for the "other couple" finally letting us go about 15 minutes before my curfew! Not a great date.
I've also had my share of the whole get really excited and knee my partner in the crotch...not conducive to great sex when your partner flinches everytime you move! LOL
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have had all the queef problems especially just after getting the green light to resume sex after giving birth...*sigh* getting everything back in order takes time and my guys are very understanding.
I once had a very embarassing moment though ...
Hehehe, I know what you mean. I sometimes accidentally knock my bf in the balls. It's probably his favorite thing ever

Thanks for sharing, Airen!
07/14/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by PassionQT
#1-Leakage during anal sex, not much, but enough for me to be mortified. He didn't seem to mind.

#2-Queefing or actually trying NOT to fart after anal sex, but one slips out, lube and all.

#3-Bleeding spotting and lately that ...
PassionQT, your #4 made me LOL.
07/14/2010
usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
"having sex with my sister " LOL I read that too slow!


This reminds me of another time.

My ex boyfriend came to visit my at college. I had given my two roommates FAIR warning that he would be coming and we wanted alone ...
Them still bringing it up an letting others know would suck.

An oral hanging from bunkbed, sounds fun. I wana try. I guess I need to go buy bunkbeds now lol.
07/14/2010
sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
So far, no horror stories or embarrassing stories that I can think of, other than, when hubby and I were dating, the first time he touched me "down there" I don't even know how this happened, but I like flinched and head butted him right in the head. Instant headache! Forehead to forehead. It was so weird and hubby still to this day (like almost 4 years later) teases me about it.
07/26/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by sexysweetieshan
So far, no horror stories or embarrassing stories that I can think of, other than, when hubby and I were dating, the first time he touched me "down there" I don't even know how this happened, but I like flinched and head butted him ...
ehehehehe!! That's pretty funny
07/26/2010
NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
OMG, I'm sorry, but I am laughing hysterically right now. Especially the part where he later TOLD YOU you looked like a rabid lunatic. hahahaaa Sorry. It must have been awful, but I sense you have healed, now that you can share with us. ...
Hahaha, I've been wondering when I'll feel like I don't have to explain myself anymore. You haven't given me much hope

He's so nice about it though!
07/30/2010
scissormetimbers scissormetimbers
Bahaha. I love this thread.

Me and my high school sweetheart were banging in the back seat of my car at this bird reserve. It was generally a secluded place, but not this time. A cop rolled up behind us, boxing us in and flashing his siren. We had never gotten dressed so fast in our lives.

I don't even remember exactly what I said to get us out of that situation. But scraped by without a charge or anything. I was completely unruffled.


Me and the same guy were doing the same thing, but in a different place. However I was on the hood of the car. We were obscured from view behind a thick row of evergreen trees on one side and a row of backyards on the other.

I heard the tell-tale woop of a squad car approaching. I didn't even bother getting dressed this time. I had a skirt on, which was hiked up, but no top. We hopped into the car and I drove THROUGH someones backyard into a development, still topless. I drove to a culdesac, put the seats down and held my boys hand.

This time, I immediately BURST INTO TEARS. He thought it was hilarious.
07/30/2010
kck kck
Quote:
Originally posted by scissormetimbers
Bahaha. I love this thread.

Me and my high school sweetheart were banging in the back seat of my car at this bird reserve. It was generally a secluded place, but not this time. A cop rolled up behind us, boxing us in and flashing his siren. We ...
AAAAHHH!!! Dang! Great stories both! Thanks for sharing
07/30/2010
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