Mom found my toys: Need advice!

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Mom found my toys: Need advice!

KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
My mom recently found out that I have sex toys. I'm turning 23 this week and have been in a relationship for years, so I don't know why she is so shocked. Anyway, today she called me disgusting for enjoying masturbation. I don't really know how to deal with this. I'm annoyed that just because she hates sex, she considers my behavior inappropriate, but I am also hurt that she would react that way.

So if you have any insight or advice, please share. Anything would be appreciated
04/15/2013
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Chastity Darling Chastity Darling
The only advice I have is to ignore her. Or maybe buy her a vibe of her own?? lol jk jk.

But really, I know she is your mom and all, but don't let her negative attitude about sex hurt you in any way.

Curious.. is she religious??
04/15/2013
jr2012 jr2012
oooh that is horrible! I would advise to just drop it and hopefully she will as well. I kind of feel like she will continue being negative, and that will just hurt you when what you need the most is to be yourself. I don't necessarily believe a further conversation is needed at this time unless it becomes a bigger problem in the future.

I admit I'm very non-confrontational though (which I know isn't always the BEST solution), I am interested to hear what other people will say here!
04/15/2013
Kallina Kallina
While it is upsetting that she has had such a negative reaction, I would not let her make me feel guilty for being normal. I guess I would just keep my extracurriculars to myself...to each their own.
04/15/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by jr2012
oooh that is horrible! I would advise to just drop it and hopefully she will as well. I kind of feel like she will continue being negative, and that will just hurt you when what you need the most is to be yourself. I don't necessarily believe ...
Well, I AM confrontational, at least if I'm deeply hurt, but I DO agree with jr2012! You are only going to give her more opportunity to hurt you & project her neurosis about the subject, if you try and address it. Unfortunately, because she's your mom, you probably won't find advice helpful if it requires you to cut her off completely. Your next best bet is to limit her ability to hurt you. I think you know that she has a deep seated problem about sex if her attitude toward it caused her to lash out at her own child like that! Frankly, it's none of her business what you do or don't do with your own body if no one is being hurt.

If she brings it up again, be prepared with a statement to cut her off & then leave. Here are a few things you can say:
-she doesn't need to go there again- you heard her the first time
- you refuse to discuss it
-you're an adult & this in NOT her business
-you didn't ask for/don't appreciate her opinion
-how dare she call you names/don't ever talk to me like that
-if you want respect from me, then treat me with the same
-if she expects to continue to have a relationship with you, she better _________(fill in the blank...treat you like an adult, not be insulting & call you names, keep an appropriate boundary between two adults about sex, etc.)

I think you know that she is irrational on the subject, so engaging her is only going to annoy you more & possibly let her hurt you, so don't allow it, or at best, avoid it. But it's smart to be prepared to draw your line in the sand in case you need to. I find it always best to keep it simple with emotional people/topics, state your position & retreat. With any luck, this won't come up again, but I am so sorry she hurt your feelings like that! It's a miracle you grew up without shame about masturbation!
04/15/2013
MrWill MrWill
I can't offer advice, but I'm really sorry to hear this happened. I'm single myself, and my parents found my toys over the weekend. It was laughed about, and now I don't have to try to hide my packages anymore.
04/15/2013
MissAdara MissAdara
I agree, you're a sexual being (and an adult). I know my mother knows I masturbate, but I don't think she knows about my toys/reviewing, I want to tell her, but still chicken out. I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but some people don't like it -obviously ones who haven't done it right! Keep on keeping on!
04/15/2013
shotjuan shotjuan
While you are an adult and it really is none of her business, I would just drop it. Hopefully she will.
04/15/2013
TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKatieJames
My mom recently found out that I have sex toys. I'm turning 23 this week and have been in a relationship for years, so I don't know why she is so shocked. Anyway, today she called me disgusting for enjoying masturbation. I don't really ...
I would ignore her, and when you can't, tell her to get off the soap box. I'm sorry this is happening to you. My mom is rather judgmental of my toy collection too. Apparently if you own a dildo, you're a freak. She sees it as gross, and doesn't get it. I just ignore her and if she gets in my face about it, I walk away. It has nothing to do with her. I do get upset that she brings it up to unsuspecting family members and random people. That's when I get stern with her and tell her that it's none of her business discussing it with anybody. I dunno, I hope it gets better for you, and get to focus on loving your toys and not hiding them.
04/15/2013
SourAppleMartini SourAppleMartini
Your mom is frigid, nothing to be proud of. It is your life and your body, you are doing nothing wrong. Let it go, just don't bring this topic to any of your conversations. I am sure my mom have seen mine at some point, but she never said anything.
04/15/2013
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKatieJames
My mom recently found out that I have sex toys. I'm turning 23 this week and have been in a relationship for years, so I don't know why she is so shocked. Anyway, today she called me disgusting for enjoying masturbation. I don't really ...
I think Wicked Wahine gave sage advice. The only thing I can add is a reminder that no matter what your mom thinks or says, there's nothing wrong with enjoying your sexuality in a safe way. Don't let her project her fear and neurosis on to you. You are perfectly healthy, and having way more fun.
04/15/2013
gorgeous gorgeous
Remind her that you are an adult and you control your life. Masturbation is something that everyone does. I'm not sure her thoughts about you having sex, but I would tell my mom that at least I wont get pregnant this way. I could be having sex instead?
04/15/2013
Ansley Ansley
Hey, WickedWahine pointed me in the direction of this thread so here goes...

Your mother's worst nightmare has just come true, her baby is an adult. A bona fide, knows who she is and what she wants adult. If your mother is anything like my mother (which in this instance they do sound similar) it's the horrific realization that you're a horny person and you know how to sate that feeling. To a mother, this can be devastating, especially one who holds sexual purity to any esteem.

I'm not saying she's right or that it's your problem, but her feelings are quite valid. If she was raised during a time where sex was the most disrespectful thing a woman could do to herself and her reputation, then it's not at all difficult to believe this would be her reaction.

HOwever, it is most unfortunate and she was probably able to overlook your relationship with your SO because neither of you confirmed nor denied the sexual aspect of it nor did you do things to flaunt it in her face. It's very easy for a mother to think her child is not a sexual being, much much easier than for them to admit they are.

So, all of that being said...tell her when she says those things that she is hurting you and then walk away. If your mother enjoys a glass of wine or two, that might be the time to broach the subject and find out why she feels the way she does. Chances are she really doesn't, it's just how she's been trained to react to anything sexual.

She's found the WMD's, so to speak, and you can't put that back in the box but what you can do is try to effectively manage the situation by determining when is the best time to engage and when it's time to walk away and end the conversation.

I hope that helps!
04/16/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Hey, WickedWahine pointed me in the direction of this thread so here goes...

Your mother's worst nightmare has just come true, her baby is an adult. A bona fide, knows who she is and what she wants adult. If your mother is anything like my ...
She found the WMD's, Thanks for commenting, it always helps to hear from someone with similar experience, I'm sure it helped.
04/16/2013
StormOfSnakes StormOfSnakes
What goes in your crotch/bum is YOUR business, not your mother's. She needs to realize that you're an adult and walk the fuck away.

I encountered something similar, my grandmother threw away my egg vibrator and I confronted her about it. I told her that I'm an adult and she needs to never go through my stuff or throw away my items that I got with my own money. She was pissed about it, but I stopped caring and bought a lock for my door when I still lived with them.

Why are they so damn offended about what YOU do with YOUR own body?!
04/16/2013
dancingduo dancingduo
Quote:
Originally posted by shotjuan
While you are an adult and it really is none of her business, I would just drop it. Hopefully she will.
Parents never see any aspect of their kids life as "not their business". I would just keep the lines of communication open and just tell her you respect her opinion and request she respect your decision about it.
04/16/2013
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 15