Question about appropriate behavior when sharing living spaces.....

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Question about appropriate behavior when sharing living spaces.....

KinkyDesire KinkyDesire
Okay, I need some more opinions on a dilemma I'm having at home. This might be more of a vent but I want to know some honest to god opinions as well.

I'm unfortunately sharing an apartment with my sister and grandmother which puts a damper on the sex life. The apartment is never empty because my grandmother never leaves. So, needless to say, I don't stay home when I have "company" and actually choose to have my company play host or go to a motel.

Here's where the dilemma lies. My sister, on the other hand, decides to always play host to her company whenever both my grandmother and I are here. I'd have no problem with that if she wasn't using the living room as her own personal bedroom. Yeah, that's right. The living room, the dinning room, and kitchen become all of her play things whenever she decides to host company.

She has her own bedroom here in the apt. but it's not currently clean. It's not like it's junked to oblivion and she could still maneuver in it. As a matter of fact, it's practically clean all but the bed has her clothes on it and there's no tv in there (both reasons why she states she doesn't move back into her room). She's been sleeping and living in the living room for about 3 years now.

I've tried telling her that she could and should go to a hotel/motel room as that would be more appropriate, she would have more privacy, and she wouldn't be invading my grandmother and my space. And not to mention, it's really cheap. But she tells me that's sleazy (gee, thanks).

It gets quite annoying because she always seems to tell me about her company coming over either moments before he arrives at the door or when I have plans to leave the house (The only way out of the apt is through the living room and my plans usually have to get canceled because she doesn't want me leaving when her company is here or coming back too early when her company is here).

It's completely inevitable that she's not going to change her behavior (and she's supposed to be the older one) and things won't change until I could find a stable job so that I can move out on my own. I'm not trying to cock-block or anything, but it's rather annoying that every single time, she has to play host in our living room. I could understand if she was living alone or even in her bedroom which I told her many times would be fine with me.

So my question is, is it appropriate for her to use the living room as her personal sex den? If you were in this situation, what would/could you do?
07/20/2011
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Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyDesire
Okay, I need some more opinions on a dilemma I'm having at home. This might be more of a vent but I want to know some honest to god opinions as well.

I'm unfortunately sharing an apartment with my sister and grandmother which puts a ...
Her behavior is completely unacceptable. She has her own bedroom here in the apt.? Then there is no excuse for her to be 'hosting' company in the shared areas. I suggest you inform her you are not going to be held hostage by her rude and selfish behavior, and if she wants privacy, clean her f---ing room.

That you've put up with it for this long amazes me. I would have become evil about it a long time ago.
07/20/2011
KinkyDesire KinkyDesire
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Her behavior is completely unacceptable. She has her own bedroom here in the apt.? Then there is no excuse for her to be 'hosting' company in the shared areas. I suggest you inform her you are not going to be held hostage by her rude and ...
Thanks. I'm seriously trying not to let my evil side go only because I'm still living here and have no place to go (don't want to deal with escalating tension in the house).

The only reason why I have tolerated it for so long is because it doesn't happen often but when it does, it's annoying and I seriously thought I would have been moved out into my own apt by now. But I should have known better, things don't always turn out the way we plan.
07/20/2011
Sir Sir
I agree that such behavior is unacceptable. Since the apartment is shared, it is not proper for her and, as she decided to put it, "sleazy" to do such things in the areas that are shared. She has her own room - the fact that it is untidy is a fault of her own, no one else's.

That being said, if you've already discussed it and she still does not listen, there is nothing further that you can do. You could possibly clean the room for her, but that would not teach her a lesson at all. She needs to do it herself and learn to be considerate of the other people living in the apartment, being you and your grandmother.
07/20/2011
Elnoa Elnoa
Why not just take over her room as your personal den and throw her crap out? I've lived in these situations and sometimes it takes a major upheaval to get someone to understand that they are being a dick.
07/21/2011
Errant Venture Errant Venture
Yeah, I'm definitely on your side here, Desire. It's quite unacceptable to monopolise the communal space for personal means. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution beyond dragging her to her room and locking her in until she tidies it up. Sorry.
07/21/2011
Ansley Ansley
That's q uite unfortunate and extremely disrespectful, I can't help but wonder how your grandmother feels. I also wonder how your sister was allowed to become such a tyrant. It's unacceptable behavior.

Why, exactly, are you not standing up to her and doing what it is you please? Does she own the apartment? Is the lease in her name? Does she threaten you with physical violence; actual violence? What is the absolute worst case scenario if you tell her to get over herself and show some respect and common decency?
07/21/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Your questions: So my question is, is it appropriate for her to use the living room as her personal sex den? No. It's inappropriate and rude to use a shared living space for sex etc.

If you were in this situation, what would/could you do? Personally, I'd find an other place to live. I don't think I could ever have sex in the same building as my grandmother (when she was alive.) Also, as you are cognizant enough of the situation to know she isn't going to change (and you are right) you are either going to be a prisoner on your own room, or you have to get your own place.

A couple of things really irk me about this. It's "sleazy" to get a hotel room, but not to have sex in the living room, around one's grandmother? She can't live in her room because there are clothes on her bed? WTF?

My guess is your grandmother, being the oldest person in the living situation should say something to her. Maybe draw up a "room mate agreement." But, my guess is, she isn't going to change. She seems to have a bullshit excuse for everything. She is manipulating everyone in the situation and she seems to get whatever she likes. Her dates don't have a difficult time with the situation?

It sucks. I know the economy sucks, but you need to get out of that situation for your own mental health.
07/21/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
It is definitely inappropriate behavior. If she has a bedroom in the apartment and all it takes is removing clothing from her bed and getting a TV, if she has a job she should save and if she doesn't have one she should get one because while she won't be able to get a plasma TV or anything like that real quickly, but decent TVs aren't that expensive anymore. She can get her own TV and clean her stuff off the bed.

There's also the option of bringing company into her bedroom if she's planning on being intimate so that the rest of you don't have to tip toe around her entertaining in shared areas.

How does your grandmother feel about your sister taking over the living room like that?
07/21/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Yeah, not cool.

I'd suggest talking to Grandma and have her say something to your sis. Gramma's have amazing guilt powers.

As for not letting you leave, tell her you have your own life and you'd rather not be intimately familiar with her sex life...then move out as soon as you can. I wouldn't mess with her room at all. That's a violation of personal space and would help your case in talking with her.
07/21/2011
KinkyDesire KinkyDesire
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels this is entirely inappropriate behavior and it boggles my mind that she feels it isn't. I guess she feels that since she pays the bills then its her apt. and she can do whatever she wants because her name is on the lease (but we both inherited this apt. It's just that with no job, she's the only one who can pay for everything).

Every time I stand up to her about it, it breaks out into this really big fight with tension really high in the house. With no where else to go at the moment, I have no choice but to suck it up. But I know for sure if my mother was still here, she wouldn't dare do what she's doing right now.

As for my grandma, my grandma is a silent party when it comes to the apt. She's afraid to speak up about anything to my sister and I and she practically stays in her room all day (only coming out 2 or 3 times to get something to eat or use the bathroom before she heads back into her room). So, this leaves the battle between my sis and I.

I guess that's another reason why my sister feels she can get away with this because she only has me to contend with and she feels that since I stay in my room anyway, it makes no difference. But I stay in my room for good reason. Who would want to stay in a living room where you sibling has completely taken over? Like today, it's scorching hot and the ac is in the living room. I was about to crash in there for awhile but thought back to the night before when she had company over... ugh... gross!!!

She also feels that I shouldn't have a problem with it because she doesn't have a problem if the roles were reversed. But I would never use the living room for sex. My mother taught us better than that.

I'm trying my damnedest to get the hell out of this apt. I learned at an early age (12) that I couldn't live with my family (because it drives me insane). I've applied to every job I can, even some out of state just so I could get out of here. The hardest thing ever is living with family that throws morals out of the window. Hard to believe that we were raised the same way with the same morals but turned out two different ways.

Thanks everyone for all the opinions... I really just needed to vent over this and understand, this is not how everyone thinks/acts....
07/21/2011
Siryn Siryn
Just walk into the living room while she's having sex, go to the kitchen, get a bowl of cereal, and sit at the kitchen table. Then get the remote and turn the tv while you eat. If it doesn't turn her off, it'll freak her date out.
07/21/2011
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyDesire
Okay, I need some more opinions on a dilemma I'm having at home. This might be more of a vent but I want to know some honest to god opinions as well.

I'm unfortunately sharing an apartment with my sister and grandmother which puts a ...
Go out, have your life nad when her visitors get sick of getting caught they will leave. Maybe this will wake her up.
07/21/2011
Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
Quote:
Originally posted by Siryn
Just walk into the living room while she's having sex, go to the kitchen, get a bowl of cereal, and sit at the kitchen table. Then get the remote and turn the tv while you eat. If it doesn't turn her off, it'll freak her date out.
I like this idea.

Even better: Invite a few of your own friends over, and hang around in the kitchen/living room so she doesn't have the opportunity to get it on.
07/21/2011
Misfit Momma Misfit Momma
By the sounds of it, you and her own the apartment equally. Her paying the bills doesn't change that. Tension or not, she can't kick you out unless she wants to buy your half of the apartment. I would strongly suggest not moving out unless she does, either.

She is used to making the rules and doing this for so long that it will likely take some time before she changes, but you need to stand up for yourself and reclaim the shared space as... shared space!

If she din't have a bedroom at all, and HAD to stay in the living room that would be different.
07/21/2011
KinkyDesire KinkyDesire
Quote:
Originally posted by Siryn
Just walk into the living room while she's having sex, go to the kitchen, get a bowl of cereal, and sit at the kitchen table. Then get the remote and turn the tv while you eat. If it doesn't turn her off, it'll freak her date out.
A friend of mine actually suggested I do this. As crazy as it might be to do it, I just couldn't. I don't even like putting the words "my sis" and "sex" or anything related to the subject matter in the same sentence.

I'm trying to make an effort to not let it bother me or ruin my (sex) life (more so now then ever)... as I'm really getting tired of this and it's time she start bending to my will for a change.

Things would be so much easier if she would have just decided to stay a 33 y/o virgin...... or find some company that is not a loser, had some decency, and can actually host.....
07/21/2011
KinkyDesire KinkyDesire
Quote:
Originally posted by Misfit Momma
By the sounds of it, you and her own the apartment equally. Her paying the bills doesn't change that. Tension or not, she can't kick you out unless she wants to buy your half of the apartment. I would strongly suggest not moving out unless ...
I like your idea of inviting friends over. That's funny!

We both inherited the apartment but she's the one who pays bills and rent (they unfortunately couldn't put my name on the lease). I can't pay anything right now because I don't have a job (also, unfortunate). If I had a job, I would have never had to post about this topic because I would have my own place somewhere far away, then she could continue to struggle trying to keep this apt., and I would/could care less.

But as it stands, that's not the case and as long as we're sharing the apt., I would love for her to understand that this is not appropriate behavior. But as usual, it's in one ear and out the next when I talk to her about it.

Like I said, I am trying to not let it bother me/ruin my life, I'm stepping up and being more assertive about things, and I'm also trying to get out of the house more as it does not happen too often. But when it does, it's just so annoying and I feel I need to scream my lungs out to the world sometimes.
07/21/2011
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 12