have you ever felt ostracized by your friends or family for not having children (yet)? ostracized in any manner, from snide comments, to being pestered to have kids or just being left out of the group.
Question for childless women (or their partners)
12/23/2012
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Mine have been fairly supportive (in fact, my parents were relieved when I had my tubal), even if they don't understand how I could not be equipped with a maternal instinct. They accept it as "that's just how Chili is". I did "lose" a friend from junior high who contacted me on FB and wanted to reconnected because she was sure I'd have kids by now, and she was horrified that I didn't even want any ... she grew pretty distant after that.
One place I worked at had all the female employees pestering me to start making babies ("You've been married for seven years! You should have kids already!"). Any time one of them had a baby, they'd leave me to hold it on my break, which they would stretch into a half-hour of me holding their kid, and they'd come back and ask, "Any maternal feelings yet?" "No, but I think it messed it's diaper; your turn."
My friends with kids are okay with me - I've become the "Cool Aunt" type, so they have no problem with having me about. Although they're usually not available for hanging out because of family life, so the socializing is a bit limited. Nobody's resentful about it.
The most I heard before my tubal was "You'll fall in love with your baby when you finally hold it." My maternal grandmother never did, and she had four because it was expected of her - all of her children are in their 50's now and are still going to therapy because of having her for a mother. I wouldn't risk the "love at first site" gamble with a baby's well-being.
People are more sympathetic if there's a medical reason for not having children - there's always adoption so you can conform to society's expectations of normalcy. In the case of not wanting any, you're regarded with suspicion of not being human (good thing I'm already weird, so the vibes don't feel any differently to me).
One place I worked at had all the female employees pestering me to start making babies ("You've been married for seven years! You should have kids already!"). Any time one of them had a baby, they'd leave me to hold it on my break, which they would stretch into a half-hour of me holding their kid, and they'd come back and ask, "Any maternal feelings yet?" "No, but I think it messed it's diaper; your turn."
My friends with kids are okay with me - I've become the "Cool Aunt" type, so they have no problem with having me about. Although they're usually not available for hanging out because of family life, so the socializing is a bit limited. Nobody's resentful about it.
The most I heard before my tubal was "You'll fall in love with your baby when you finally hold it." My maternal grandmother never did, and she had four because it was expected of her - all of her children are in their 50's now and are still going to therapy because of having her for a mother. I wouldn't risk the "love at first site" gamble with a baby's well-being.
People are more sympathetic if there's a medical reason for not having children - there's always adoption so you can conform to society's expectations of normalcy. In the case of not wanting any, you're regarded with suspicion of not being human (good thing I'm already weird, so the vibes don't feel any differently to me).
12/23/2012
Quote:
I'm constantly pestered.
Originally posted by
T&A1987
have you ever felt ostracized by your friends or family for not having children (yet)? ostracized in any manner, from snide comments, to being pestered to have kids or just being left out of the group.
They fail to understand that I don't have any kind of desire for human children.
12/23/2012
Nope, not in any way.
12/23/2012
I had the opposite problem. I was constantly talking about having a kid from about 18-24, much to the annoyance of my parents. Lately I had been going back and forth from wanting a baby so badly to feeling intimated by the whole pregnancy/raising a child thing, but I'm now pregnant so the deed is done.
12/23/2012
I'm still young (I just turned 20) so I haven't felt any pressure or disapproval yet.
12/23/2012
No they just pester me to get a boyfriend and get married, I'm sure after that happens I will have more pressure to have kids
12/24/2012
Nope not yet.
12/24/2012
Yep. I'm engaged and about to graduate college. My best friend has a 13 month old. I'm constantly hearing how I should have a kid now too.
12/24/2012
I'm still young (19), so I'm not getting too much pestering about it yet. I often get asked when I'm going to get married and/or move in with my boyfriend though.
12/24/2012
People sometimes pester me about having kids. My family doesn't because they know I don't like kids. A friend of mine tells me it'll probably get worse once I get married. She says once she got married people were constantly checking out her stomach and asking if she was pregnant yet. I think that is pretty nosy and rude. I would probably end up telling a few people off if I got a lot of it.
12/24/2012
Quote:
We use to before we had our first child. I had some friends from work that had kids that would constantly ask my wife when she was going to have a baby. It would tear her up inside. We stopped hanging out with them after awhile because honestly, the women were just flat out annoying.
Originally posted by
T&A1987
have you ever felt ostracized by your friends or family for not having children (yet)? ostracized in any manner, from snide comments, to being pestered to have kids or just being left out of the group.
12/24/2012
My mom hates that I don't want kids. She wants me to pass on my genetic material hardcore. My boyfriend's parents are also expecting us to have kids but I don't get that since when I went to see him they hated any idea of us having sex.
I know we're young but both of our parents have asked if we are planning kids in the future and I just can't see myself sharing my time between kids and him.
Also, I do have those "approaching 40" friends who are FREAKING OUT about having kids and I think those are the most annoying bunch of people I've ever met because when I say I don't want them and they have been trying to get preggers they give me nasty looks and I say "If you want my ovaries, take them."
I know we're young but both of our parents have asked if we are planning kids in the future and I just can't see myself sharing my time between kids and him.
Also, I do have those "approaching 40" friends who are FREAKING OUT about having kids and I think those are the most annoying bunch of people I've ever met because when I say I don't want them and they have been trying to get preggers they give me nasty looks and I say "If you want my ovaries, take them."
12/24/2012
my girl friend's friend asked me what I bought her for christmas. AFter she hoped I either got a wedding ring or had impregnated her even though I'm only making $12K.
12/24/2012
For the most part, my friends and family are fine with it. My mom's fully accepted it and my brother doesn't seem bothered by it, though he thinks I shouldn't get my tubes tied like I want to (not like any doctor would do so for a 23 year-old anyway) - even though if I did want kids, I'd adopt since pregnancy holds no appeal for me.
My dad is the main hurdle at the moment. He's not pushy and the subject doesn't come up much, but he has this dreamily happy idea that someday I'll magically change my mind and suddenly want children. Granted, I'm aware that this is possible, but I think it's pretty unlikely (the only reason I wanted kids when I was younger was because it hadn't occurred to me that I didn't have to have them).
And few things bother me more than the whole, "You'll understand after you have one!" bullshit line that gets tossed around from time to time. It's probably one of the most irresponsible notions in existence!!! Besides, if it were true, child abuse would be much rarer than it is.
My dad is the main hurdle at the moment. He's not pushy and the subject doesn't come up much, but he has this dreamily happy idea that someday I'll magically change my mind and suddenly want children. Granted, I'm aware that this is possible, but I think it's pretty unlikely (the only reason I wanted kids when I was younger was because it hadn't occurred to me that I didn't have to have them).
And few things bother me more than the whole, "You'll understand after you have one!" bullshit line that gets tossed around from time to time. It's probably one of the most irresponsible notions in existence!!! Besides, if it were true, child abuse would be much rarer than it is.
12/24/2012
no one has ever made it an issue for me my whole life & I'm now in my 50's and it can never happen now.
12/24/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 15