Random thought. wish my wife were more sexual.

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Random thought. wish my wife were more sexual.

misterazor misterazor
i wish my wife would get into toys. she just seems to have no interest. she seems not really into even rubbing herself...i've tried putting her hand on her clit and moving it around durring sex...incouraging her to, i don't know, not be shy. she wasn't offput by it, but wasn't into it either. i just wonder sometimes...how some women can be so open, while others are just not. i don't know what conversation this starts...it was just a thought.
12/06/2012
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misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by misterazor
i wish my wife would get into toys. she just seems to have no interest. she seems not really into even rubbing herself...i've tried putting her hand on her clit and moving it around durring sex...incouraging her to, i don't know, not be ...
be gentle.
12/06/2012
Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
Your going to have to learn to deal with it. The more you push the more doors get shut. If she's not on this site yet, try to show it to her. Maybe after time she can look around and find a toy she finds appealing. When she gets it, if she ever does, just leave her alone with it, don't force it on her by any means, just let her take it at her own pace. If she plays with it great, if not, oh well. You just need her to discover what works for her, and thats by not messing with her too much. There is a thousand factors at play here. She could be shy or embaressed. She may not like clit stimulation, especially if your grinding her hand over it. That shit is sensitive man, you need a gentle touch and some of us guys just don't have it. The best thing to do is talk and open up about it, but if you go into with your own selfish goals in mind, be ready to statrting closing those doors. You need to remember, you are married so you should feel as close as any two people can get right now. But if you get pissy or whinny, you can just go ahead and fuck the idea that she will ever open up to you about this.
You just need to give her time and personal space to allow her to figure it out on her own.
You'll be okay man.
12/06/2012
Cat E. Cat E.
Does she have a low sex drive? How is she during intercourse? Oral sex?
12/06/2012
Ansley Ansley
I think if you surveyed 100 men and asked them "Do you wish your wife was more sexual?", you would get 100 answers of "yes". I'm pretty liberal and open-minded and I know for a fact my husband would answer "yes" even if he feels completely satisfied.

Just talk to her in a non-confrontational, non-bedroom setting. Start by saying the things you like and ask her what she likes and see where you can get. Try to be patient. Women have been told that being true to our sexual nature and desires is wrong and dirty. It can be difficult to break that shell sometimes. If you care and are genuinely interested in broadening the scope of play in the bedroom, you'll eventually get there. Always remember to respect her boundaries and you'll make headway faster. Good luck!
12/06/2012
no longer here no longer here
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think if you surveyed 100 men and asked them "Do you wish your wife was more sexual?", you would get 100 answers of "yes". I'm pretty liberal and open-minded and I know for a fact my husband would answer "yes" even ...
LOL! Mr says he would be the no. If Mrs got more sexual he would be dead.

Mrs says talk to your wife. Be open and honest about it. She probably is more sexual than you realize. Hang ups...we women have them. Gotta work through them. The whole good girls don't crap!...combined with I'm a wife (even worse if she's a mother)...hang ups. Open and honest communication. Tell her you think it's hot. Tell her it is hot. TELL HER!

Another idea...from Mrs...tell her you want to touch her the way she wants to be touched and ask her to show you.
12/06/2012
anonkitty anonkitty
Just putting in my two cents here: Do you know what she likes? Rather than saying that you wish she's more sexual, maybe start the conversation by asking her what she likes. Maybe she gets off more on vaginal stimulations than clitoral stimulations. Either way, if she's more reserved, take small, incremental steps in exploring this with her. Handing her a rabbit and telling her to have fun with it would probably not be the way to go here.
12/06/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by Cat E.
Does she have a low sex drive? How is she during intercourse? Oral sex?
she does have a low sex drive, and we have discussed it...could be a result of birth control. she is wonderful durring intercourse and oral sex...it just takes her sometimes weeks to get in the mood. she seems insecure on top of a low sex drive.
12/07/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by anonkitty
Just putting in my two cents here: Do you know what she likes? Rather than saying that you wish she's more sexual, maybe start the conversation by asking her what she likes. Maybe she gets off more on vaginal stimulations than clitoral ...
the conversation is about her feeling inesecure about herself...which i get, but don't get. i mean, we are married...i love her and want her, so why feel insecure? i feel like she feels like i'm going to turn her down if she wants to have sex, which i have never done, and would never do. i would love to take a slow journey through sexuality with her, and we are in the process...i just wish sometimes it wasn't such a slow walk. i'm looking for the breaking point where she just opens up...ya know? thanks for the thoughts. much appreciated.
12/07/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by Rod Ronald
Your going to have to learn to deal with it. The more you push the more doors get shut. If she's not on this site yet, try to show it to her. Maybe after time she can look around and find a toy she finds appealing. When she gets it, if she ever ...
i have introduced her to this site...and am pretty sure she has not been back. not that she has anything against it...it's just not her thing. the funny thing is...she is very open about sexuality; always has been...she just has a low sex drive. she doesn't embaress at all. clit stimulation is a sensative thing, and i certainly don't grind away at all.

the bottom line is this...it is a work in progress. i am trying to leave doors open to her, and hoping that she walks through them. i'm going to be supportive of her, and encourage gently. i just hope i hit the perfect combination and the floodgates open. i know it's there...i can see it in her...it's just a matter of shaking it loose. thanks for the thougts. greatly appreciated.
12/07/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I think if you surveyed 100 men and asked them "Do you wish your wife was more sexual?", you would get 100 answers of "yes". I'm pretty liberal and open-minded and I know for a fact my husband would answer "yes" even ...
i think sometimes she forgets that we haven't had sex in a while. i think that's what confuses me the most. i don't need to have sex every day...and if i did i'm capable of taking care of myself...but, once a week would be nice. two or three times a week would be better! at one point i gave up trying...stopped instigating just to see what would happen. we didn't have sex for over a month. and i'm sexy. i don't get that. we have talked about it...she knows that it concerns me, and she's tried to be more aware of it...but i hoped i would not have to continue to have that conversation with her. anyway, thanks for your thoughts. i just needed to vent i think. i'm done. i just need to find a better way to inspire her, i guess.
12/07/2012
spineyogurt spineyogurt
Try maca
12/07/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by no longer here
LOL! Mr says he would be the no. If Mrs got more sexual he would be dead.

Mrs says talk to your wife. Be open and honest about it. She probably is more sexual than you realize. Hang ups...we women have them. Gotta work through them. The whole ...
good stuff. yes, girls do have hang ups. what's up with that? she's not a good girl, just does not think about sex. odd. and, i will tell her that it's hot. whatever it is...it is hot! i will ask her to show me...and if it gets wierd, i'll thank you all the more!
12/07/2012
Ivanna Ivanna
Quote:
Originally posted by misterazor
she does have a low sex drive, and we have discussed it...could be a result of birth control. she is wonderful durring intercourse and oral sex...it just takes her sometimes weeks to get in the mood. she seems insecure on top of a low sex drive.
Is she on any meds or suffering from any depression? I know that I have some problems when I'm depressed and sometimes different meds can also cause this. Does she work out? Working out really improves my moods and definately improves our sex and my drive, although I highly suggest you don't suggest she start going to the gym as it could be offensive. Maybe just ask her how she feels and if her spirits are down, help her find somethings that make her feel good. Does she get massages? Maybe buy her some massage gift certificates for christmas, massage can really improve a persons mood and confidence.
12/07/2012
misterazor misterazor
Quote:
Originally posted by Ivanna
Is she on any meds or suffering from any depression? I know that I have some problems when I'm depressed and sometimes different meds can also cause this. Does she work out? Working out really improves my moods and definately improves our sex and ...
she is on meds for migrane, it's an antidepressent...odd. and her birth control doesn't help either. she does work out sometimes, and i agree that this helps. you are right about being careful how to encourage this...as it can be taken the wrong way. funny...i just bought her a gift certificate for message for solstice. maybe it will do the trick. she needs to destress. thanks for the thoughts. they are appreciated.
12/07/2012
*Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Honestly if she isn't wanting sex and you know her meds have this effect I wouldn't keep pushing the issue because in the long run all you are doing is making her more self confidence issues. When I was on meds I lost my sex drive my ex would push and push til it got to the point I LEFT him because his sexual desires were more important then my health which was more then just the meds but I won't disclose that information. Not all women have high sex drives like most men want. In all actuality I am told mine is too high. While you may tell your wife that she is hot and sexy maybe that isn't what she wants to hear. I would prefer to her that I am beautiful,pretty,gorge ous and things like that unless I am all sexed up and in lingerie. All in all if you keep pushing her to have sex with you, you are going to just keep pushing you away. If she personally wants to up her sex drive then talking with her doctor would be ideal as well. I wish you luck with this and hope that you all can work through this.
12/07/2012
Total posts: 16
Unique posters: 9