Reality or bad manners? (poll about flaking on plans)

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Reality or bad manners? (poll about flaking on plans)

liilii080 liilii080
I've made plans with two different girl friends over the last few weeks and each time, the day we're supposed to go out, they call and cancel and this drives me crazy! My younger sister says that's just the way this generation is but I think it's bad manners. What do you think?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Get used to it, flaking is the new normal.
PussyGalore , kawigrl , Liz2 , Karakaten , sixfootsex , Eva Schwaltz , kellyg , subwayrailings , ViVix
9  (5%)
That is just rude and bad manners.
Envy , Elliotstar , Lucidity , Jul!a , Eliza , Vaccinium , Gunsmoke , Coralbell , Chilipepper , Kindred , Xander Knoblock , MeliPixie , Victoria , ~LaUr3n~ , Morganna , Fun Lover , ZenaidaMacroura , Jemztone , imp , Yoda , Angel deSanguine , Sammi , Emma (Girl With Fire) , *HisMrs* , potstickers , Selective Sensualist , C4ss , Danielle915 , Dillicious , girl next door , lamira , buzz , onehotmomma , Redboxbaby , VenusianThunder , REDRUM , Miss Madeline , Mistress M. , Miss T , dv8 , tickle me pink , SamsDelight , MaryExy , Inwitari , slynch , Sex'и'Violence , Rossie , Misfit Momma , purplekidney , DeliciousSurprise , I Wear The Pants , UnknownGirl , dhig , Lio , cobiffle , Lady Marmelade , Lummox , xX Plepsyt Xx , mb , Valentinka , zeebot , leatherlover , chidoll , zracer , wetone123 , newlady , secretside , GravyCakes , teeny <3 , Miss Morphine , big b , EJ , Errant Venture , Shellz31 , Pixel , meitman , Howells , Pinkhare , JessCee , mandiegk , amandaco2011 , Eucaly , KinkyDesire , I'mNotYourToy , padmeamidala , null , v23 , kinkymanda , Jenyana , Illumin8 , Bignuf , Angelica , js250 , AndroAngel , SaMiKaY , Pink Jewel , EvilHomer , BabyL0ve , Ms. Spice , angel142stx , LilLostLenore , Apirka , LovesAPoet , 12345678 , eeep , Harpina is gone , Aberrant , Andrey2052 , SadoMas , Artishok , SaiDiscordia , travelnurse , HannahPanda , Noelle , FallFire , sexxxkitten , pirata , amazon , marshmallow , Intrepid Niddering , GONE! , XxFallenAngelxX , bedorerc , Living Doll , Rod Ronald , Trysexual , TheirPet , Toy Fiend , KinkyNicki92 , Lady of the Lab , Kat and Aaron(aaron) , ARPKasso , chicmichiw , chantalgiardina , caligaliber , FrankieChemical , AwesomeAmanda , Creepellah , Cat E. , RedKyuubi
140  (85%)
I have another theory and I'll post it below.
closed account , Beaners , P'Gell , Ansley , ThoughtsAblaze , Kkay
6  (4%)
Other
Naughty Student , darthkitt3n , sbon , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , indiglo , clp , The Curious Couple , Rin (aka Nire) , joja , gsfanatic
10  (6%)
Total votes: 165
Poll is closed
01/21/2011
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Elliotstar Elliotstar
Urgh, that's really annoying and pretty rude.
01/21/2011
Envy Envy
I would be pissed, too. i can see if it was a last minute plan, then it gets canceled, makes more sense. But to plan ahead and cancel last minute is not acceptable, at least to me.

I also tell my friends "I can make no promises, so if something comes up i will call you." It doesn't always happen, but I at least have the courtesy to give a heads up so if things can't be done they can have a backup plan.
01/21/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
I would be pissed, too. i can see if it was a last minute plan, then it gets canceled, makes more sense. But to plan ahead and cancel last minute is not acceptable, at least to me.

I also tell my friends "I can make no promises, so if ...
I do the same thing, if I think there's a possibility that something else might come up to force me to break my plans, I always leave the "making no promises" clause in the initial plan making. It's rude to have set plans and then back out at the last minute.
01/21/2011
liilii080 liilii080
What's worse is it's usually in a text too. They don't even call. So annoying.
01/21/2011
Illusional Illusional
It's rude but it's the new norm.

My friend and I made plans to go out
I dolled up, called and confirmed.

I walked three miles to the diner we were gonna meet at
Waited over 2 hours
And called and texted, nothing

Finally around 11, she's like I got distracted, night.
01/21/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I do it a lot but I usually have to cancel bcs soemthing doesn't work out(I don't text bcs I don't have a cell phone). I'm a very big loner. I don't need to get out of my appartment and see people every day to feel happy. I like being alone and sometimes I make plans and something interjects or at the last minute I change my mind.

I don't get upset if someone else does it to me bcs I do this often and I kind of expect people to do it too. People change their minds all the time, things happen. I just try not to put my hopes up real high if I plan to go out for a movie or something and it doesn't work out bcs then I would get upset and I don't like feeling negative emotions.

I'm better now though. I don't agree to anything and accept close to the last minute if I really want to go. Sometimes things appeal to me early on and then lose their glimmer of fun the more I think of the over time which removes my desire to go.

I guess it also depends on what you had planned. I planned to go work out with a friend and at the last minute he realized he forgot his student ID so he would have to pay money to enter the gym so he canceled. I didnt really care, I went anyways and enjoyed myself. However, if I had made plans to go on a road trip with a friend and we put a lot of effort in planning it and looking at what sights we would see and at the last minute they just have a change of heart/x situation happens and its all canceled I would be disapointed.

So yeah, I'm the bad friend who cancels or never says yes but shows up to randpom events.
01/21/2011
Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Illusional
It's rude but it's the new norm.

My friend and I made plans to go out
I dolled up, called and confirmed.

I walked three miles to the diner we were gonna meet at
Waited over 2 hours
And called and texted, ...
I wouldn't have gone, I would probably have got dolled up also but if I wouldn't have had a confirmation I wouldn't have gone.

Thats happenned to me too. I had to plans to go dancing and I was ready to go and called to confirm and she wasnt into it anymore which was totally fine. I stayed home and being dolled up...well lets just say I used it for other purposes.
01/21/2011
Eliza Eliza
I definitely think it's rude. Unless something drastic happens, if you make plans with someone, you should keep them. Otherwise, they deserve at least a day's notice if you're going to cancel.
01/21/2011
Vaccinium Vaccinium
When I tell someone I'm going to be somewhere or at a specific time, it is the same as giving my word. I was always taught that your word is the most important thing you can give someone, and that you shouldn't go back on it unless there is an emergency.
01/21/2011
Coralbell Coralbell
I seem to get cancelled on a lot and I think it's rude. Sometimes there's a legitimate reason, but often there doesn't seem to be. Another thing that drives me crazy is if I invite someone to do something, and they won't actually commit to coming til the last minute. It makes me think that they're waiting to see if something better comes along.
01/21/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
My favorite was when I made plans to meet a friend, I'm at the first stop light from my house, and they call "Oh, hey, a friend I promised to help move just called and reminded me it was now so ... some other time, huh?"

I'd believe you if it wasn't ten o'clock at night on a weekend.

Bad manners are expected out of everyone, so nobody feels they have to be responsible. Like Vaccineum said, when I give my word, it's like iron. It's frustrating that others don't take such things as seriously.
01/21/2011
MeliPixie MeliPixie
No, no, it may be accepted by most people but it's rude and people need to grow some manners D:<
01/21/2011
kawigrl kawigrl
at least they call and cancel
01/21/2011
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I do think this is much more common now a days but that doesn't mean I tolerate it.
01/21/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
I feel like such an ass, my husband and I were supposed to hang out with friends tonight, but ended up having to cancel pretty much last minute. He had to back out first since he ended up having to tear down an engine today, and then put it back together, rather than just assembly before going to fix another friend's car, then coming home, and us going out. So I was going to go alone, then got a phone call from my other boss asking me if I could work tonight because the other nightly guy has apparently pinched a nerve in his face.
01/21/2011
Morganna Morganna
Even though I'm fairly young, teenagers these days drive me up the wall. You should hear how some of the little ones talk. I actually had one 1st grader know that 'pussy' stood for a lady's body part. That's just sad. Kids & some grown ups need to be taught their manners. If not, I pity the world we'll grow old in.
01/21/2011
Fun Lover Fun Lover
Things come up unexpected from time to time but not all the time. Maybe its time to invite someone else, or look for new friends.
01/21/2011
Yoda Yoda
I have the same problem with some of my friends.
01/21/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Illusional
It's rude but it's the new norm.

My friend and I made plans to go out
I dolled up, called and confirmed.

I walked three miles to the diner we were gonna meet at
Waited over 2 hours
And called and texted, ...
Oh my god that's happened to me a few times and I about exploded. I don't even bother talking to that particularly "friend" anymore. Once is possibly forgivable. Two isn't right but maybe there's a reason. Three is just downright B.S.

Just because it seems to be "norm" doesn't make it acceptable! I drop those people like it's hot and move on to more worthy company.
01/21/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
My favorite was when I made plans to meet a friend, I'm at the first stop light from my house, and they call "Oh, hey, a friend I promised to help move just called and reminded me it was now so ... some other time, huh?"

I'd ...
You, me, and Illusional totally need to live closer together! We'd say screw you to the people who stand us up and hang out and have the best time ever!
01/21/2011
Morganna Morganna
I can see in hindsight now, my last comment kind of took a bit of a detour from the topic of the thread. As for flaky-ness. I have a friend that is really bad about that. She says she'll call, never does. And she's blown off other people without an excuse, I believe, and lost a lot of her friends that way. I just don't understand it.
01/21/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
You, me, and Illusional totally need to live closer together! We'd say screw you to the people who stand us up and hang out and have the best time ever!
That would be the greatest thing ever - I live near Orlando - we need to arrange a weekend to hang together in the 'Happiest Place on Earth'.
01/21/2011
Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
That is crap. I would not tolerate it at all. I need confirmation the morning of, so I can plan my day accordingly. If I don't hear back from the person by an hour or so before we are supposed to get together I cancel our plans. Unless there is a good reason for my friend to flake, once I see a pattern emerging, I confront them. If we have discussed it and they shaft me again I rip them a new one. A conversation which invariably includes this: "You think you are busy? Try working a social schedule around two small children! If I take the time to clean my house from top to bottom, find childcare, organize this whole situation and not flake then I am pretty sure you can manage!"

Of course only one of my friends has kids. The rest have a job OR school. None have both. They know what their hours and obligations are, they complain for ages that they miss spending time with me, then they flake when we actually make plans. So I stop talking to them. If they wont make time for me, I REFUSE to do so for them.
01/21/2011
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
That would be the greatest thing ever - I live near Orlando - we need to arrange a weekend to hang together in the 'Happiest Place on Earth'.
Ohhhh nice! If I had any money I would totally be in for that!
01/21/2011
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
Oh my god that's happened to me a few times and I about exploded. I don't even bother talking to that particularly "friend" anymore. Once is possibly forgivable. Two isn't right but maybe there's a reason. Three is just ...
I just totally did drop them. I deleted all the shitty friends and told them why and let it go.
01/21/2011
Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
You, me, and Illusional totally need to live closer together! We'd say screw you to the people who stand us up and hang out and have the best time ever!
Huzzah, that'd be so kickass!
01/21/2011
closed account closed account
Depends on the person. I personally have health issues that cause me to back out on plans at times. I have learned to always never say for sure on plans. When I do "flake out"....my true friends understand. they know me.

I used to feel so bad about it. Don't have many friends anymore. But i do my best.
01/21/2011
Liz2 Liz2
I find myself very busy and somewhat intolerant of last min cancellations. At this point, I just know some people will probably cancel 40/60% with the 60% toward cancellation.
I just don't put myself out for them, if they come through, fine; if not, I try to have a backup plan.
And yes, they usually cancel via text rather then a call.
Flaking is the new normal. Too bad!!
01/22/2011
darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I guess it depends on their reasons. I know this happens to me a lot with some people. I just don't bother making plans with them anymore.
01/22/2011
Total posts: 106
Unique posters: 95