Relationship Abuse... A research question.

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Chastity Darling

I am doing a bit of research (that may or may not become a SexIs article) on relationship abuse. I am hoping that some of you will share your stories or experience here on the forum, but if that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to send me a message or email (ChastityDarlingPlaygr ound [@] gmail {dot} com)and be assured that it will remain in confidence.

There are many types of abuse that can be experienced within a relationship. Some types of abuse are easier to detect (physical) while others show no outward evidence (emotional). There are a series of answers of below (you can choose as many as apply) I just ask that you answer them as honestly as possible. I would love to read your story, should you choose to share.

Thanks

Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):

I identify as female and...

I identify as male and...

I have experienced physical abuse

I have experienced emotional abuse

I have experienced sexual abuse

I have been the perpetrator in physical abuse

I have been the perpetrator in emotional abuse

I have been the perpetrator in sexual abuse

I am currently in an abusive relationship

I am no longer in an abusive relationship

I received help to leave my abusive relationship (friends/family/organization)

I was able to leave my abusive relationship by myself

I need help to leave my abuser

I do not want to leave my abuser

I experienced abuse as a child

I did not experience any kind of abuse as a child

I have children

I do not have any children

I have received some form of counseling

I have not received any kind of counseling

Total votes: 235 (40 voters)

Poll is closed

05/02/2013

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treehugger

You left out quite a group of people; some of us don't identify as 'male' or 'female'...

05/02/2013

Chastity Darling

Quote:

Originally posted by treehugger

You left out quite a group of people; some of us don't identify as 'male' or 'female'...

I apologize for that. I thought about it but had no idea what the proper terminology would be and did not wish to offend anyone in any way. What would you like to see for next time?

05/02/2013

Trysexual

Also no option for not having or given abuse.

05/02/2013

snowminx

Quote:

Originally posted by Trysexual

Also no option for not having or given abuse.

Maybe she just wants people that have been abused for her research?
Not trying to be smart just saying that she might not want to include people that have had no abuse because it might not be beneficial to what she's looking for.

05/02/2013

PropertyOfPotter

I'm female and dealt with emotional and verbal abuse as a child and now. My husband has made a lot of progress, but it's still an issue at times. I have children and have been to counseling.

05/02/2013

js250

I am female and have been physically abused in the past by my parents and husband. Emotional abuse has been from my past to current by same people. I have been to extensive counseling and am still going. I also volunteer at the local SAFE house.

05/02/2013

K101

Quote:

Originally posted by Chastity Darling

My votes are a little strange, so I'll explain. I experienced physical abuse from a guy I was dating, two actually, but one slapped me across the face and the other actually beat me up. I was able to leave on my own because I was really young & wasn't in any way really attached or stuck in the relationship. I had it easy. I did not get counselling from either of those because, well, while it was very upsetting to have a guy slap me & then to have one be abusive to me twice in the time I was with him, I wasn't that bad off because as I said, I was young & not in any way (other than emotionally) attached or stuck.

I also voted on the sexual abuse one, but that was not done by the abusive guy or the slapper. Lol. It was a stranger and a totally separate "incident." So while I marked physical abuse and sexual, it wasn't from the same person.

In that case, I didn't ever go get professional help or counselling, but am still involved in a support group (although not as frequent) for that. Other than that, the only help I took was that of my current partner. Not saying that's a good thing, as it probably would've been better not to put it on him & to actually have gotten help, but here we are. It wasn't easy to find help in my area & I was scared to do something like that.

05/02/2013

Ryuson

(Review Program Mentor)

Out of curiosity, what do you define as ' in a relationship?' Romantic? Platonic? Familial?

05/02/2013

Chastity Darling

Quote:

Originally posted by Ryuson

Out of curiosity, what do you define as ' in a relationship?' Romantic? Platonic? Familial?

No set definition. Whatever relationship may mean to you. I am really hoping I can get a few personal stories like above to help flesh out the answers a little...

I voted myself for both familial abuse and romantic relationship abuse because I personally defined relationship as both.

05/02/2013

mjtheprincess

I am a girl, and had never experienced any kind of abuse in my childhood or from my family. About three years ago, I dated a guy who was...for lack of a better word...a total dick. He had convictions of abuse (emotional and physical) on his ex girlfriend. I ended up leaving him on my own (but through the help of my family) after about five months. Most of the time I do not consider what occurred in our relationship abuse, but that could be because my thinking I "loved" him made me view abuse as just anger. I have been in all healthy relationships since then, and have no children.

05/02/2013

Ryuson

(Review Program Mentor)

When I was younger I was in a really crappy relationship. This girl threatened me into a relationship (and into sexual things) by threatening to harm or kill herself, and in return I was pretty emotionally cold, mean, and often would do things to lash out and hurt her. It was a pretty abusive situation both ways. Eventually I just told her to off herself if she wanted, here's the Crisis line's phone number, and that I had to leave. (She didn't, in case you're wondering)

Some other... Not-bodily-harmful abusive things happened when I was a kid/young adult. I've talked a tiny bit about it to people, but it's really something I just try to work through on my own. My main struggle is to not blame things on my life, if that makes sense? I re-remember an A Softer World comic when I worry that goes:

"The terrible things that happened to you didn't make you. You always were. (It isn't the storm that makes the ocean dangerous.)"

I try to believe that my problems are my own and aren't because of stupid things stupid kids did. I dunno, I really don't like to talk much about my emotional stuff. I hope I helped you with your research!

05/02/2013

Gunsmoke

I was not abused as a child - or adult, nor have I abused anyone. My father was abusive to my mother - but it didn't extend to the kids.

I have a lot to be thankful for - I pray for those trying to deal with abuse, it's really tough.

05/03/2013

twelve13

I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before. My friends and family say it was, but I still have trouble believing that 100 percent.

05/03/2013

Soulsekrou

Abuse free here.

05/03/2013

Chastity Darling

Quote:

Originally posted by twelve13

I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before. My friends and family say it was, but I still have trouble believing that 100 percent.

May I ask what it was that they saw as abuse? And what makes you uncertain that it was, in fact, abuse?

05/03/2013

Chastity Darling

I notice that there is a vote for "I need help to leave my abuser" and 2 votes for "I don't want to leave my abuser." If anyone would like someone to talk to or needs some kind of help, please do not hesitate to message me. I would be happy to listen or extend any help that I can.

I want everyone to know that you do not have to remain in an abusive relationship, and that you deserve to be treated well. Please, reach out for help if you need it. I would be happy to listen and do what I am capable of... I can also give you some information on programs or other places that you can receive help or counseling. You do not have to live an unhappy life! You do not have to endure any type of abuse. There are people here to help, all you have to do is ask!

05/03/2013

TheirPet

I am female bodied but masculine leaning trans identifying. I have been neglected by one parent that later left after a divorce. I had one parent that was very loving and strong.

I suffered from sexual, physical and emotional abuse and neglect from an ex partner. I was lucky enough to get out (leave the state) with the help from several family members and the police department before I was killed.

I am still cyber-stalked by my ex 11 years later.

05/03/2013

Hallmar82

I've never been in a physically or sexually abusive relationship

05/03/2013

stacylyn

Quote:

Originally posted by treehugger

You left out quite a group of people; some of us don't identify as 'male' or 'female'...

oh so true

05/03/2013

spiced

I'm sure some would consider the way my father treated me to be abuse (LOTS of yelling and corporal punishment, almost no positive reinforcement or encouragement), and I saw it as abuse when I was younger. Now, I just think he had no clue how to be a parent.

I dated a woman who'd just come out of an abusive relationship, where her ex-husband had verbally, physically, and sexually assaulted her. It was only when he started being cruel to her CAT that she decided it was time to go. He even stalked her for awhile after she left. I wanted to confront him and just settle it in some big macho scene like in a bad movie, but fortunately, she talked me out of it.

05/03/2013

TJax

No emotional or sexual abuse in my life. Only drug abuse I have always stayed away from anything physically addictive but my roommate, a recovering opioid addict OD'ed on methadone in my living room.

05/04/2013

SourAppleMartini

I have experienced physical abuse from a family member (not my parents) on more than one occasion. As a kid there was nothing I could do about it, but I refuse to understand women who voluntarily choose to stay in abusive relationships.

05/04/2013

Beautiful-Disaster

Yeah, I had a boyfriend 6+ years ago who stomped my face in.. & would choke me out a lot.. & not only was he physically abusive.. But mentally abusive as well... Fun times... Anyways, he left out of state, and I finally got over him.

05/04/2013

Pete's Princess

(Review Program Mentor)

I am a woman. I was sexually abused once when I was 12 while I was volunteering by an older man who was also a volunteer. So it was not in any type of relationship. I was not sexually abused in any of my relationships.

I was emotionally abused as a child and throughout my marriage and after I left by my ex. While I was married, I didn't see how pervasive the emotional abuse was. In fact, I didn't really see it as abuse. I even volunteered with an organization that helped abused women and set up a program where I worked to increase awareness. I think working with that group kept me from recognizing the emotional abuse as abuse. When you are helping people who have been beaten up, had bones broken, had their dogs killed by their partners, you do not see being torn down emotionally as being "real abuse". In fact my ex used to say, "I am not such a bad husband, I never hit you or cheat on you." Like that make him a saint. I thank God everyday that I am no longer with him.

I lost everything I had worked for (house, car, retirement plan, etc.) but it was worth it to be free.

05/04/2013

cowboywill87

Quote:

Originally posted by Chastity Darling

You forgotten Financial Abuse! Good luck

05/04/2013

RigWife

You left out an bunch of things like I have a friend who's in one and she is gunna die if she don't get out.

05/04/2013

treehugger

Quote:

Originally posted by Chastity Darling

I apologize for that. I thought about it but had no idea what the proper terminology would be and did not wish to offend anyone in any way. What would you like to see for next time?

There's no one category you have to include, I'd just add an option like "I don't identify as a binary gender" or "I identify as a gender not listed" or something similar.

05/04/2013

Total posts: 28 Unique posters: 22

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