Should the bridesmaid voice her opinion of her dress or keep her freaking mouth shut?

  • Get FREE 5 Gifts with Orders $59+

Should the bridesmaid voice her opinion of her dress or keep her freaking mouth shut?

GravyCakes GravyCakes
i love watching say yes to the dress & all those shows that deal w/ wedding dress & bridesmaids dress sales. whenever i watch a bridal party pick out bridesmaids dresses, though, it's the same every time. the bride wants a certain look for HER wedding, & the bridesmaids bitch b/c they don't like the dress's style or color or whatever. i can understand why they would if a bride is intentionally putting you in something that even she doesn't like or that you don't like just to piss you off, but most of the time, the bride wants a specific look & color to go with HER wedding. i feel that if you at least say something nicely ONCE or the bride ASKS for your opinion, then you should keep your mouth shut. on one of the shows the other day, the bride's colors for the wedding were black & red. she was nice enough to let her 2 bridesmaids pick out the dresses they wanted to wear, as long as it was flowy, knee length, & black or red. well, both the bridesmaids love the color pink & started bitching about how they wanted to wear pink & were trying on a bunch of pink dresses. they eventually ended up leaving w/out purchasing anything. IT'S NOT YOUR WEDDING!!! my sister & i have an agreement that when we get married, we'll wear whatever we tell each other to wear as long as we aren't purposely trying to make each other look like shit. i told her that if she makes me wear something ugly at her wedding, then i'll make her wear something ugly at mine. either way, we aren't going to argue & bitch & threaten to not be in the wedding if we don't get out way b/c IT'S NOT OUR FREAKING WEDDING! it's not all about you, it's all about the bride! & groom of course. how do you feel about this?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
they need to shut the hell up, it's not all about them, it's about the bride. if i want their opinion, i'll ask for it.
Mike Honcho , Cherrylane , Bignuf , Airen Wolf , dv8 , GenderSexplorations , wrmbreze , toxie m , Ryuson , indiglo , Mellifer , Eucaly , Kat Shanahan , dawnkye , lacybutton , Ash1141 , ellejay , Katastophy , SaMiKaY , AmberM , Darklyvan , shinypinkstars , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)
23  (42%)
they should say how they feel, they do have to wear the dress after all
jedent , her angelness , P'Gell , Sinfully , Kdlove , Redboxbaby , Errant Venture , Shellz31 , Tori Rebel
9  (16%)
screw that, i'd rather elope. who wants all that drama?
Alan & Michele , Katelyn , starklover , Ansley , js250 , null , GonetoLovehoney , Devy , Why , Rin (aka Nire) , Subbi , l'amour , Ms. Spice , cheetahpita , Chirple
15  (27%)
other
DeliciousSurprise , Rarity , Taylor , PunkyB , Maiden , Peggi , hpnotiqserenity , hexose
8  (15%)
Total votes: 55
Poll is closed
12/05/2011
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Mike Honcho Mike Honcho
It's the brides day..... keep your trap shut!
12/05/2011
DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
As your best friend, they should voice an opinion, but as a best friend they should always have their best friend's best interests in mind--and not enforce their own opinions.
12/05/2011
Cherrylane Cherrylane
I'm totally of the opinion they should stfu.

That said, I dont envision having to deal with this issue. I want an exceedingly small wedding and if I have a bridesmaid at all, there will only be one and I know she'll be fine with whatever, and I have no intention to make her look bad or put her in something she hates anyway.

And when I shop for a wedding dress, I will only be bringing my mom, because she knows what I like, I like and respect her taste, and frankly, everyone else's opinion can go to hell lol.
12/05/2011
starklover starklover
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
As your best friend, they should voice an opinion, but as a best friend they should always have their best friend's best interests in mind--and not enforce their own opinions.
agreed
12/05/2011
starklover starklover
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
As your best friend, they should voice an opinion, but as a best friend they should always have their best friend's best interests in mind--and not enforce their own opinions.
agreed
12/05/2011
Rarity Rarity
I think they should be able to voice their opinions, but only within reason. The colour is really up to the bride and groom to decide when they're picking out colours and themes for the wedding, but style? That's a little tricky. If one of them knows one style isn't very flattering, she should be allowed to say something but not just for their own interests. The bride should have the final say in all matters. She is the one getting married, after all!
12/05/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by GravyCakes
i love watching say yes to the dress & all those shows that deal w/ wedding dress & bridesmaids dress sales. whenever i watch a bridal party pick out bridesmaids dresses, though, it's the same every time. the bride wants a certain look ...
It is the BRIDES day...and her friends should support. ONLY voice a negative opinion if you really, REALLY think it is something critical (like NO...you shouldn't really go with a day-glow orange camisole under that white lace dress honey).
12/05/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by GravyCakes
i love watching say yes to the dress & all those shows that deal w/ wedding dress & bridesmaids dress sales. whenever i watch a bridal party pick out bridesmaids dresses, though, it's the same every time. the bride wants a certain look ...
The problem is everyone wants to look their best in a public venue! The bridesmaids are supposed to be in service to the bride who is supposed to shine like the evening star! To my mind you wear what you are asked to wear or politely beg off.
12/05/2011
js250 js250
I also agree that it is the brides choice of what she wants at her wedding. However, keep in mind that these are reality shows and drama sells!! Would you be so interested in the show if everyone acted like normal people and just kept their mouth shut? I do think that others need to respect the decisions of whomever the event is in honor of and either go with the flow or back out gracefully with enough time to find a replacement.
12/05/2011
jedent jedent
you'd be surprised how many brides are cooler these days and just giving the girls a color scheme and a "long or short" instruction and letting them just have at it. i don't see too many ugly bridesmaid dresses anymore either, which is nice.

i'm a wedding photographer, i'm in the business.
12/05/2011
Ryuson Ryuson
I feel like the bride should ask their opinions and together they should come to a conclusion. Also you should take into account the body types of your bridesmaids!
12/05/2011
null null
If I ever get married, I'm eloping, there's no reason for all that drama and wasting of money.
I think the bridesmaid should give some sort of opinion, WHEN ASKED, other than that: shush.
I occasionally watched Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids, most of the time I'd just stare in horror as these full-of-themselves bridemaids threw bitch fits because 'thisshadeofpurplemake smelookfatI'mnotgonnab einthewedding!'
12/05/2011
Mellifer Mellifer
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I have the final say in my decision making.
12/05/2011
Eucaly Eucaly
Those shows are quite extreme! But, yes, the bride gets the say unless it's something truly awful like straps that won't stay up no matter what.
12/05/2011
Taylor Taylor
What a couple of my friends have done is to pick a color, and let the bridesmaids pick the dress as long as it is that color. I think that is the best solution because then everyone can have a dress that is flattering to them. It is hard to pick a dress that flatters everyone and this lets everyone looks their best.
12/05/2011
Peggi Peggi
To be totally honest, I think that it is going to vary. It depends on the relationship you have with the bride. As a whole, though, they do need to shut up unless asked. But, on the other hand, some brides do pick out rediculus dresses!

And it depends on how tasteful you are about it. If you are rude about it, keep the mouth shut. If you are going to be respectful, go for it!
12/05/2011
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Peggi
To be totally honest, I think that it is going to vary. It depends on the relationship you have with the bride. As a whole, though, they do need to shut up unless asked. But, on the other hand, some brides do pick out rediculus dresses!

And ...
Pretty much my opinion right here. I would hope the bride would be willing to ask the opinions of her bridesmaids, if only to make sure everyone feels comfortable in wearing what was picked out. That's what my brother's wife did for us - thankfully, she had very good taste and nobody objected to her choices.

I know it's supposed to be the bride's big day, but in that position I'd want to know my friends weren't spending the day feeling like laughing stalks due to ridiculous-looking clothes.

As for me, I'd just elope. More fun and less drama. Also more money to spend having fun on the honeymoon!
12/05/2011
Subbi Subbi
I feel that its the brides day so it really should be her choice, as long as shes not just putting them in something crazy to be mean......


But for me I'd rather just elope! So much easier!
12/05/2011
PunkyB PunkyB
I cant believe nobody has voiced an opinion about cost as well. I know that most brides maids these days buy their own dresses. I think yes the bride should have veto but if your asking someone to dish out the several hundred dollars its going to cost on a formal gown you should be open for input.
12/05/2011
Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding this past summer, and I don't think I would have said anything about the dresses she chose *unless* I really, honestly felt the dress was too expensive (at the time I wasn't working, and as it was, I was already having to travel six hours for the wedding and assorted activities.)

Luckily, though, she has very similar tastes to mine. Now, her maid of honour (her sister)...now she was another matter. *L* She's a total tomboy and she just doesn't "do" dresses. Or heels. Or makeup. Or jewellery. So getting her into a dress was a major battle.

For the most part, I do think bridesmaids should keep their mouths shut about the dresses, unless there's a matter of prohibitive cost. In that situation, if a compromise can't be reached, then I think maybe the bridesmaid in question should bow out (as much as that might hurt; I know it definitely would have killed me to not be in my BF's bridal party!)
12/05/2011
dawnkye dawnkye
I vote for the first option (stfu, it's not about you, it's about the bride). But nicely.
12/05/2011
her angelness her angelness
i wouldn't want someone to buy a dress she doesn't like, so i would compromise.....but ultimately i get the final say.
12/05/2011
Maiden Maiden
Ultimately I have to agree that it is the bride's day and they should just suck it up. There are two instances where I feel they should voice their opinion. One: the dress doesn't look well on their body type. I know as a plus sized woman, I would feel very uncomfortable in a strapless, too short, too tight dress. I think in this case a bride should be willing to compromise and find a dress similar or have the dress altered to have a better fit. Two: In the instance where the bride is requiring the bridesmaid to buy her own dress. First of all, I disagree entirely on this issue. A bridesmaid should never be made to buy her own dress unless the bride doesn't care what she wears at all. In that case the bridesmaid should at least be able to buy a flattering dress that she can wear at many different occasions. If the bride wants her bridesmaids to buy their own dress, they shouldn't really have any say about what dress they buy. That's just my opinion.
12/05/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
At my wedding we kept it simple. We had ONE Maid of Honor and ONE Best Man. That was it. No line of weirdly dressed girls and boys itching and being squeezed out of their minds. Four people in the wedding party, including the bride and groom. There was very little drama, some (my MoH was a Drama Queen) but not much.

Here's how I did my Maid of Honor's dress;

1) Walk into store

2) Show MoH my wedding dress (which she helped me shop for, but for the most part said little about)

3) Say to her, "Pick out whatever you want and whatever you can afford."

End of drama.

I don't get off on controlling people. Our wedding was as drama free as possible. We planned it in six weeks did it and got on with the business of being married.

The "Wedding" wasn't really all that important. What was important is that I was marrying the man I love.

I couldn't give a shit if my Maid of Honor wore a potato sack or a designer gown. As it turned out she picked out a beautiful dress in rose that complimented my dress and made her look lovely. By the end of the day, nobody EVER thought about either of our dresses again.

Please keep that in mind.

After the ONE day is over nobody gives a crap what you were wearing. I think if people concentrated more on being married rather than getting married they would be a lot happier (if marriage works for them at all, that is.)

And I have to say, most of my friends (and my daughters' friends) who put all kinds of "effort" and drama into their "Wedding Day" ended up disappointed, wrung out, in debt, sad and usually broke up in a short amount of time. Most of the people I know who concentrated on being married (which is the reason you get married) usually lasted and are usually fairly happy.

Please keep that in mind. After that day (and for a lot of people even ON that day) Nobody cares what you or your bridesmaids are wearing. Really. I can't recall a single thing or detail about a wedding dress or a bridesmaid dress to a single wedding I've been to in the last 20 to 25 years. (I think my brother's 3rd wife choose white or off white dresses with black sashes, as my daughter was their flower girl, we got one, but aside from that, I don't remember ANY dress from any of the scores of weddings I've been to in my life.)

IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER all that much. Plus, a bride's maid should wear what she is comfortable in, what she thinks looks good on her and what she can afford. But, aside from that.... nobody really notices what the wedding party wears.
12/05/2011
JessCee JessCee
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
At my wedding we kept it simple. We had ONE Maid of Honor and ONE Best Man. That was it. No line of weirdly dressed girls and boys itching and being squeezed out of their minds. Four people in the wedding party, including the bride and groom. There ...
you're always a voice of reason Well said, P'Gell.
12/05/2011
lacybutton lacybutton
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
What a couple of my friends have done is to pick a color, and let the bridesmaids pick the dress as long as it is that color. I think that is the best solution because then everyone can have a dress that is flattering to them. It is hard to pick a ...
I've had this situation as well, where the bride picks a color and length and lets her bridemaids choose dresses that flatter them - I really appreciate brides who recognize that their bridesmaids may have different body types and what looks great on one may look awful on another. It's a giant bummer when you have to shell out more money than you'd actually ever spend on a dress you like on a dress you loathe. I think both parties need to be understanding of each other, but ultimately it is the brides wedding and if you want to stay a part of the wedding party, you go with it.
12/05/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by JessCee
you're always a voice of reason Well said, P'Gell.
Thanks.

I just think, assuming marriage is going to be the thing for you, that being married is so much more important than making getting married into a scream inducing, friend blocking, hard feeling making, drama causing mess.

12/05/2011
Ash1141 Ash1141
I think it's the brides day
12/05/2011
Sinfully Sinfully
I would say how I feel but wouldnt bitch about it.
12/05/2011
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 44
Unique posters: 40