Has your spouse ever said something really awful to you and you can't forgive them?

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Has your spouse ever said something really awful to you and you can't forgive them?

LovesToPlay LovesToPlay
My husband and I was arguing (very heated argument) . He is not a violent man usually its me that has the temper and yes i admit that we have had a few go arounds nothing major after a few days we laugh about it.. But this time it really was a stupid argument but damnit i needed help with our 2 yr old that we are trying to potty train! He was asleep and i yelled at him to come help me out a bit bc i was loosing my patience with her after being up all night with her and him sleeping it just pissed me off more! He slept all night while i argued with her to go to bed, we are also trying to get her to sleep in a toddler bed. But anyways he got pissed that i woke him to help out a bit instead of being lazy! We go into an argument of why i woke him up and he threatened to beat the fuck out of me of course with my smart mouth i said bring it big boy he called me a bitch and that i walk around here like a queen bitch blah blah blah.. Really for once i didnt say anything i just let him scream but then he said something that just stabbed my heart (its probably nothing to yall but i have never heard something so disrespectful) he said, why dont you learn how to shut your cock sucking mouth! I honestly was in shock and couldnt believe he said something like that to me! I was hurt and i was hurt bad by those words! That man that said that to me was my best friend my husband and i gave him everything!! He was my first everything!!!! i have not said a word to him other than a few text since saturday. he has tried to apologize and tried to hug me sunday but i honestly dont want him to touch me and just im sorry and i love you is not going to fix this??! i dont want him to buy me anything i just want him to actually put effort into his apology do you know what i mean? but for the past 2 days he hasnt made an effort to even talk to me. He wont call me or text me.. Im only getting madder that he doesnt care enough to actually do anything to show me that he really is sorry! He doesnt even say goodbye when he leaves to work and always has even when we had real fights? I dont understand what the problem is i havent done anything. I got hurt and he acts like he doesnt care i cant talk to him right now bc everytime i think about it i just get madder and i know it will end badly if we start arguing!! can anyone give me some advice on what to do?? If all you are going to say is we dont need to be together or tell me that i am being stupid then dont post anything because its not stupid to me!!
03/28/2012
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Mwar Mwar
Quote:
Originally posted by LovesToPlay
My husband and I was arguing (very heated argument) . He is not a violent man usually its me that has the temper and yes i admit that we have had a few go arounds nothing major after a few days we laugh about it.. But this time it really was a stupid ...
I would be concerned if your toddler was in ear shot of this.

Children are very perceptive, even at that age. If she sees her parents in this matter, she's going to think that yelling is the only way to communicate and being insulted is expected of a man.

I would bring up the concern of having that negative energy around your little girl. One of the wirst things a parent can say is they're fine to their child when they're not (I don't know if you do this, just saying as a PSA, I guess).

Also, he stated this as a means to degrade you. I only know things from this post, so I can't guess if your husband exhibits controlling behavior or any other red flags.

Either way, I would have a discussion centering around concerns for your little one. That should be easy middle ground compared to other things since you both want best for her. You can then bring up exactly what he said and how that hurt, and how that language could affect your family.

I truly wish you the best, and hope I have assisted in some way. Good luck.
03/28/2012
js250 js250
Yes, he has, he is the king of saying cutting and hurtful things during an argument. On the flip side-I also have said very hurtful things in retaliation to being hurt by him as well.

It sounds like you were exhausted and frustrated from being up so much with your child and this escalated into a serious argument. When you rejected your husband's apology, you in effect rejected him. That would have been a good time to talk about how hurt you were instead of letting it fester up into more anger. When you reject someone, they tend to fester their own anger and then the situation becomes very volatile for everyone involved.

If you want to work out your issues, someone needs to say they are sorry. You would not be 'giving in' to put your feelings to the side, plan a bit of time together and apologize for acting out after he hurt you with what he said, this would open the door for him to apologize as well. If the relationship is worth it to you, figure out how to deal with your anger-don't take it to extremes.

Have you made hurtful comments to him when you are mad? How did he react? And what about your child? Is this healthy for them to experience? Maybe learning how to deal with your tempers would even out your relationship, help your child to learn to reason and not act out and pull you guys together to become a happier more stable family. I had to do this myself. It is not easy, but in the long run when you have raised a child and see the effects of your changes in their healthier more reasonable outlook on life--it is SO worth it!! And take a break sometimes, schedule you time and couple time away from your child, you both need it!!

Message me if you need to talk to someone, I have worked through a lot of stuff in my 15+ year relationship and might be able to help a bit. Good luck, hun, I will be hoping for the best for you and your family.
03/28/2012
LovesToPlay LovesToPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
I would be concerned if your toddler was in ear shot of this.

Children are very perceptive, even at that age. If she sees her parents in this matter, she's going to think that yelling is the only way to communicate and being insulted is ...
Unfortunatly this time she was in the same room as we were. Usually we have our fights at night when she goes to bed! He is not controlling i promise you that it was just a bad fight we talked about it last night and its been settled! i think your right on the degrading part but he has never said anything like that before and i dont think he will! MY daughter asked me 100x's why i was crying and i would tell her mommy was sad and she said it would be ok! we never fight in front of her but this time we did! Thank you for your concern and kind words! My dad was a very insulting man and hit my mom often i seen it to many times to count and i have been hit by him to! So i was always used to fighting, we do our best not to fight in front of her but this time it happened!
03/29/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by LovesToPlay
My husband and I was arguing (very heated argument) . He is not a violent man usually its me that has the temper and yes i admit that we have had a few go arounds nothing major after a few days we laugh about it.. But this time it really was a stupid ...
No man would ever speak to me like that and still have his balls. However, I wish you the best of luck in resolving everything!
03/29/2012
LovesToPlay LovesToPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Yes, he has, he is the king of saying cutting and hurtful things during an argument. On the flip side-I also have said very hurtful things in retaliation to being hurt by him as well.

It sounds like you were exhausted and frustrated from being ...
I can honestly say i have never said anything like that to him. I have cussed at him but never something like that. I was proud of myself bc i held myself back and didnt go for the kill to say! And he pushed me 20 times and it really enraged me but i didnt react bc our daughter was there! We never fight in front of her this was the first time, we usually wait till she is asleep then have our arguments! I had no sleep in like 3 days and he had slept the whole time no problem! I was ill but he should have been up and helping me instead of napping after he had slept all night! Stuff like that gets under my skin quick! Us as mothers we never sleep (well i dont) but he sleeps all night without a bother and then gets to nap on the days he is off to me thats bullshit he could spend time with me if she is asleep or go do something that i have asked 100 times to do! Thank you for your offer and i will follow you so i can have that source! i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this stuff bc my mother has bipolar disorder and manic depression so i dont talk to her about my issues ever! it would only make her worry about me and honestly the woman needs to worry about herself!! I am young i became a mother young and was married at 19 i grew up very fast! i am mature for 21 and have been through a lot in my life! I have seen her try to kill herself in front of me, i have seen and have been abused by my dad, at the age of 5 he picked me up by my throat and slammed me into a wall. Our daughter was born 3 1/2 months early i didnt even know how to hold a baby when i had her! I stayed with her for 45 days until she was released from the hospital! I have taken care of her myself everyday since she came home without any help! He works really long hours and only sees her for 2 hours at night if that! so i never get a break until now she started day care a few days a week! Like i said i grew up very fast and learned how to do everything myself without a hiccup! Rylyn had a lot of special needs as a preemie being feed every 3 hours gaining weight was a huge issue she came home only weighing 3 1/2 pounds she was so tiny she had dr. appointments all the time! we had to stay in the house for 6 months due to her undeveloped immune system!! But bc i was very disciplined and did what i had to to keep her from getting sick, she is super healthy today and has only been sick knock on wood one time he whole life!!! I think i did a damn good job being only 19 and had never been around a baby in my life! She is polite says please and thank you has a few minor health issues eczema and hard time using the bathroom but we have meds for that too! i dearly love my husband and daughter with all of my heart i would die for them and never regret having either one of them in my life i just feel that im not appreciated. And it seems he didnt see everything i gave up for them!!
03/29/2012
LovesToPlay LovesToPlay
Quote:
Originally posted by ViVix
No man would ever speak to me like that and still have his balls. However, I wish you the best of luck in resolving everything!
we talked about it last night and i told him something to that nature lol he knows i dont have a long fuse so i dont think he will be saying anything like that again!
03/29/2012
js250 js250
I am so glad you were able to talk this out!! Please do, follow and message me!!! I am always here for you to talk to, sometimes it is just the getting it off your chest before it escalates that helps. Hugs!!!!
03/29/2012
Total posts: 8
Unique posters: 4