Tell on a cheater?

  • Get FREE 5 Gifts with Orders $59+

Tell on a cheater?

Zombirella Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Tell the other person
SexyStuff , Rin (aka Nire) , Brandonn , LusciousLollypop , Sohotdinosaur , covertwallace , ellieprobable , Leather & Lace , MistressDandelion , ilikepies2 , Boyfriend , PandaRouge , damnbul12 , Zandrock , anon195
15
Stay out of it
aliceinthehole , Ms. Spice , EdenJP , darkkitty , MrWishyWashy , Baby-Baby , Valentinka , Diabolical Kitty , acessorie , CreamySweet , moonch1ld , DeliciousSurprise , Beck , Gracie , UnknownGirl , ViVix , El-Jaro , Tori Rebel , dv8 , wrmbreze , DiamondKoala , Lummox , SaraU29 , brevado , Supervixen , ksparkles16 , Rey , Sera26 , Abombadong , travelnurse , heather-mooney , Geography , Stinkytofu10 , kkybf , souviet
35
Other (explain if you want)
Secret Pleasure , Deidrenicole , Rod Martini , switzerland , gone77 , OhMy! , LittleBird , duff , eeep , T&A1987 , K101 , ~LaUr3n~ , mpfm , Fun with Dick & Jane , El-Jaro , Sunshineamine , MissCandyland , DiamondKoala , cottonxcandy , Mwar , gsfanatic , Abombadong , T&L , CaliGirl , Bleu , Real or memorex , Aishiteru , Martiniman
28
Total votes: 78 (75 voters)
Poll is closed
02/15/2012
  • Buy 3 Items for $70
  • Buy 3 Items for $50
  • Buy 3 Items for $30
  • Save 20% on Luxury Toys
  • Add Some Buzz To Your Favourite Toy & Save 60% On Kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
that's way too sticky a situation. you've got to stay out of it to keep your sanity. if it's going to explode, it will come out eventually, or the relationship will flop on its own. if you're friends with them both, do them both a favor, and try to forget about it.

i'm sorry you have to deal with that though. sounds pretty freaking awful. how did you find out? did the cheater tell you? did he/she tell you they were thinking about telling their partner? geez. cheating is so shitty and sticky of a situation. best to keep a mouth closed though. this i've learned from past experiences.
02/15/2012
Deidrenicole Deidrenicole
I would talk to the cheater and try to convince them to either leave their partner before hurting them more or to quit cheating and commit to their partner but i would never tell the other person because its not my duty or right.
02/15/2012
Secret Pleasure Secret Pleasure
I voted other because this can get very tricky. I think it depends on the circustances who are you closer to? did they only cheat once or is it ongoing? are there kids envolved ect. I try and make it a point to stay out of others business but when you know something like that exspecially if its cause the cheater told you they kinda made it your business. I am not saying i would or wouldn't tell causer honestly idk alot would factor in. I say though do what you feel is best and right.
02/15/2012
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
I've had this situation happen when my best friend was cheating. And you know what I did? I kept my mouth shut. I didn't think it was her shining moment, by any means, but I didn't tell her partner.

If you do say something, the cheated may not believe you and possibly accuse you of something, such as trying to break up the relationship or trying to upset him or her. You can't accomplish anything when this happens.

IF, and only IF you are asked, give your opinion of the situation. Stay away from statements that are harsh or judgemental. Also, I would recommend not volunteering your opinion whenever you feel like it. If the cheater didn't ask, keep it to yourself. The cheater may feel like they're being judged, and it will only shut them off from you, which could be incredibly bad if and/ or when shit hits the fan.
02/15/2012
EdenJP EdenJP
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
Stay out of it
02/15/2012
Zombirella Zombirella
I found out because I actually witnessed it =/. I haven't said anything and am too afraid to anyway. I've been on the cheating end before (I mean I was cheated on and someone told me) and when I was told by more than one person I didn't believe it and accused them of lying. I was in complete denial but I was 17 and naive. I've thought about how I handled it and that is why I have kept out of it and plan to. I was just curious as to what other people would do. Even though I was told more than one time of the cheating I had to see it myself to believe it and accept it.
02/15/2012
Rod Martini Rod Martini
It really depends on how close you are to the person. Then again, If I were being cheated on I would want to be told by anyone who knew for sure that I was being cheated on.
02/15/2012
darkkitty darkkitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
I stay out....
02/15/2012
MrWishyWashy MrWishyWashy
I would stay out of it.
02/15/2012
switzerland switzerland
i'd definitely talk to the cheater first and find out whats up. if that person refuses to spill, i probably would.
02/15/2012
Baby-Baby Baby-Baby
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
Stay out of it.
02/15/2012
gone77 gone77
I don't know if I'd tell the friend who's being cheated on, but I'd go off on the friend doing the cheating. I don't think I could be friends with someone who's cheating on someone else.
02/15/2012
Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Stay the hell out of it!
02/15/2012
LittleBird LittleBird
I'm really not sure.
02/15/2012
duff duff
confronting the cheater might be a better idea. If he/she does nothing, their mate is obiously not important and they should be warned
02/15/2012
acessorie acessorie
always bites ya in the ass... stay far away.
02/16/2012
SexyStuff SexyStuff
I would want to know.
02/16/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
I would want to be told, so I'd probably tell someone else, though perhaps not before asking the cheater to talk with them first. I feel it's better to find out sooner from a friend than later on your own, and the longer it goes on the more damage it may cause.
02/16/2012
CreamySweet CreamySweet
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
I would stay as far clear of that as I could. On the one hand I understand your feelings and wanting to do what you think is moraly right but there is NO way for this to end well on all fronts for you if you get involved. If you confront the cheater you will ruine the relationship you have with him/her because if they don't then confide in you which will open up an entire new goatfuck of problems, they will pull away and distance themselves, not trust you and keep you as far away from them and the other person. If you tell the "victim" that will blow up and drag you in as the one who told...and what if your wrong? I would just distance yourself a bit and let it go. If one or the other directly asks you if you know if/that the other is cheating cross that bridge then. Shot story... I am in a sexually open marriage and can have sex for fun with anyone I choose provided its talked about first and my husband and I agree on the who, where and when. Well meaning neighbor frets and stews for a couple weeks before she catches my hubby coming home one day. She tells him "I have seen a man come to your house a couple times in the past week. I saw your wife kiss him when he left. When I was walking my dog past your house I heard them and it sounded like they were having sex". My husband of course knew all about my playdates tells her "Oh if it was a black jetta thats ok - its my wifes sex therapist and hes teaching her 101 ways to have a better orgasm". Ok... first I don't have a sex therapist ... second I have told her twice I don't have his phone number to give for her to get an appointment! Ok in truth he tells her this and she nearly passed out in shock and had no idea what to say. She just smiles and waves now but doesnt really ever say anything lol. I'm sure in the case your talking about it probably is plain old cheating... but I still think unless you want to loose both of them you should leave it alone if possible. Xox Creamy
02/16/2012
K101 K101
Very hard! In my opinion, I would have to make the decision based on a lot of things. One major thing would depend on who I was closer with. In my life, it'd probably be the female. I'd also be able to relate. I've been in this situation with a family member and they were married. It was terrible, but if it were your actual sister, you'd be wrong not to tell.

I always, always, always go by 'I'd EXPECT you to tell me if a partner ever cheated on me, as a friend. Would you expect the same from me?' you'll usually get a reaction strong enough to know just what to do. In all of my close friendships, this has came up and most of my girlfriends did/do expect me to tell. I'd be furious if one of my friends knew my partner cheated and didn't tell, but I'd also keep it confident if they told me. If the friend says they would want you to tell, but their expression/body language says otherwise then don't. Really, this has always proven to be a good way to decide. It'll never be an easy thing to do whether you tell or keep it a dirty secret. The decision is ulitmately yours.

I would test the waters first. I suppose if you could not bring yourself to tell, but you were 100% sure you needed to, there are ways to make it known without letting them know who told. I had a girlfriend who's husband was cheating on her and she didn't want to believe it, but one of her friends had seen him cheating a lot. She finally took photos with her phone when she saw the 2 of them out at a ball game. That done the trick. Just remember to be sensitive to your friend's feelings.

Best of luck to you. I know it's an awful situation. Quite honestly though, if the person told you themselves that they were cheating, I'd kick their ass for ever putting me in such a situation! That's not very nice.
02/16/2012
moonch1ld moonch1ld
Definitely stay out of it.
02/16/2012
Beck Beck
I would mind my own business. It never turns out good, unless you have solid proof then don't mention a word. Even if you did have solid proof I wouldn't tell them, I would drop the evidence in an envelope somewhere they will find it later. Telling a friend something like that usually makes the friend upset with you even though you are trying to be a good friend. I would probably pull aside the cheater and tell them I know who you are and what you are doing, I don't like it! Maybe they will change their ways, but maybe not.
02/16/2012
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Depends who is cheating and which I'm closer to.
02/16/2012
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Stay out of it. I've been in that situation and it doesn't end well for anybody if you rat the cheater out.
02/16/2012
Brandonn Brandonn
If it's your best friend, you gotta tell them. Otherwise stay out of it.
02/16/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
What would you do if you are friends with two people who are in a relationship and you find out one of them is cheating? Should you tell on the cheater or stay out of it? You're supposed to be friends with BOTH so what do you do?
Stay out of it. Nothing like being shot as the messenger.
02/16/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by gone77
I don't know if I'd tell the friend who's being cheated on, but I'd go off on the friend doing the cheating. I don't think I could be friends with someone who's cheating on someone else.
Tru dat yo!

I'd stay directly out of it, but I might force the issue between them. I'd try to indirectly bring the cheating to light. Cheating partners suck, it's worse when everyone knows but the person being cheated on.
02/16/2012
Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
If it's a really good friend you have to tell them. If a friend knew I was being cheated on and never told me about it I would be really upset.
02/29/2012
MissCandyland MissCandyland
I feel like you should treat people the way you would want to be treated. If you would want to know, then you need to say something.
02/29/2012
  • 1
  • 2
Total posts: 59
Unique posters: 58