The suicide solution--seriously, what has stopped you?

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The suicide solution--seriously, what has stopped you?

js250 js250
I have been looking back over my life and the choices I have made along the way. Right now there are so many I am not very proud of, the ones made out of anger or out of other people's manipulations. Honestly, I kept going back to the two times in my life that I was intent on killing myself--and the friend that I had that did. I am glad mine did not work out!! But the thought of hers--that still bothers me. I still wonder what there was that should have stopped her but did not.

So, what stopped you or a friend of yours?
11/18/2012
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VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
When I was a kid my parents were having a lot of trouble in their relationship. My dad started to spend a lot of time with a woman who was living in one of our apartments and was a lot younger than him. My mom suspected that he was having sex with her behind her back. I still to this day have no idea if my dad did any of those things or if they were just friends. I'm assuming they did but I honestly don't know because I never had the nerve to ask. One night, my mom got upset and went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of ibuprufen and Tylenol pms and starting swallowing handfuls of pills while sobbing uncontrollably, right in front of me. I was probably 12 or something. I watched the whole thing and I remember feeling frozen in terror but also a lot of confusion. I was a few feet away and she probably didn't even realize I was watching her. A close friend that lived in another apartment was an ER/ambulance driver and he was outside talking to my dad (smoke break) when all this went down. They both took her to the hospital when the came in and realized what was happening (I'm not really sure what the hell happened because they left quickly and I was left to babysit my little brother. I remember being scared and lonely but it's all a blur.) All I know is that they took her to the ER and they pumped her stomach. Thank goodness she didn't die. It's strange to say but I don't remember her coming home or any time afterwards. It's like those years were a blur because so much shit happened back then.

My mom is fine and she regrets what she did. She said she felt unloved and hurt with horrible depression. My parents are divorced. My dad lost contact with that girl soon afterwards so I don't know where she went. Back then my mom wasn't taking meds but after that she had to get some for depression and she's still on them to this day.

She's my best friend and we do everything together and I'm so thankful that she's alive and well. She's mentally stable and she would NEVER attempt to do this again. I wish she would realize back then that life would get better. I feel incredibly grateful for all the time I've spent with my mom since that terrible day. I love my mom. I'm sure she probably would have died without medical care so nothing stopped her, not even us kids. I seriously think she had depression and didn't really realize how over the edge it would send her until it happened. I can't even express how thankful I am that I didn't lose my mom.
11/18/2012
tami tami
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I have been looking back over my life and the choices I have made along the way. Right now there are so many I am not very proud of, the ones made out of anger or out of other people's manipulations. Honestly, I kept going back to the two times ...
When you battle depression, and suffer from PTSD, and have other issues to add to your already stressed out mind it is easy to let your self slip into the madness. It almost becomes a relief to think even if only for a split second that the pain and despair will end soon, it is almost comforting to think of ending the pain. Most people that commit suicide are killing the pain not themselves (although it is one and the same a tortured mind sees know difference). When you suffer from a mental illness you cannot control the thoughts sometimes. Luckily medication and in some cases therapy help tremendously!
My children (no matter where they are, and my grandchildren) are what keep me going and anti-psychotics help keep me on a path free of suicidal thoughts and actions. Hubby (poor guy) has really had the blunt end of most of my tortured thoughts and he does get fed up at times but at most crucial times he is the one that has helped push doctors to get the right medications for me. Anti-depressants took the edge off and for half the time I had some relief but they just were not enough so he was a large factor in helping me at the shrinks office to get the point across to her that I needed something different. any way long story short. In the end it is my kids and grandkids and hubby that keep me going, and the fact that I am not ready to leave this world yet!
11/18/2012
Neotigress Neotigress
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I have been looking back over my life and the choices I have made along the way. Right now there are so many I am not very proud of, the ones made out of anger or out of other people's manipulations. Honestly, I kept going back to the two times ...
I have fibromyalgia, many of Dr. Kavorkian's patients had fibro, and people with fibromyalgia are statistically 9x's more likely to commit suicide.... so I've wrestled with this most of my life (chronic pain, debiliating insomnia, and severe depression... among other not so pleasant things).

It was always in the back of my head as a possibility. But this article made it a non-option for me.

The Ten Minute Suiced Guide - Cracked.com
link

Specifically the part (paraphrasing here) that we are here to help people and learn things, and when we kill ourselves we break that cycle or lesson and it just makes it harder to learn either when you come back around or go to the after life. (and if you believe in God then most folks believe that suicide sends to right to hell... ). Might as well man up and learn the lessons and deal with the pain and not have to deal with the consequenses in the after life.... that and the story about the kid with the skin thing.... if he can have that kind of pain, then I need to quit being a such a pussy.
11/18/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I tried when I was younger and obviously it didn't work. I'm glad now that it didn't because I have a wonderful husband and son I would have missed out on.

Now when things get bad my son keeps me alive. I think about how much he would miss me and needs his mom in his life. Even if I feel like my life is misery, I don't want to cause him that same pain. I always tell my doctors it's a good thing I had a kid or I probably wouldn't be here.
11/18/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
I tried once. I was at the end of my rope and had nothing left in me to deal with the situation my husband had put us into, my dysfunctional job, and I simply couldn't live with my husband any longer. I didn't want to hurt him by divorcing him ...

I snapped the day we got our second eviction notice because of his doing (the first eviction notice a few years before that was due to him, too). I had just got back home from a stressful day a work. I got back into the car and drove to the local bridge, fully intending to jump off to end all the pain and hopelessness. That river was notorious for killing people. I actually stood there and looked for a rock below that would split my head open on one dive.

I've no idea how I ended up going back to the car and in my therapist's office, asking to be committed. I spent that first night shivering in a fetal knot in a crisis center. The next week in that crisis center, with therapy and reading, began the decision to divorce him and start everything over by going back home to my family.

That was three years ago this past September. I intend to offer my wedding ring as sacrifice to that river instead of my life when I go back there to get the rest of my possessions in storage.
11/18/2012
Anne Anne
I have considered suicide many times... up until I started taking lithium, I was on a ritual of making suicide attempts. I would say lithium helped me alot surprisingly... and I would highly recommend it to anyone if nothing else helps. I don't know how, but it helps.
11/18/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Anne
I have considered suicide many times... up until I started taking lithium, I was on a ritual of making suicide attempts. I would say lithium helped me alot surprisingly... and I would highly recommend it to anyone if nothing else helps. I don't ...
Probably best to talk to a doctor about medications. Some people don't respond well to lithum. I've taken it myself and the side effects killed it for me.
11/18/2012
KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
Honestly, it was a mix of not wanting to hurt my mother that way and one really stupid thing I did that made me reflect a bit on my life and realize there was still so much I want to do before I go.

One day maybe five or six years ago I was really upset and wanted to cut (I had been doing that for a while), but each time it was taking more cuts and more blood to get the same sort of "high" that dulled the emotional pain.
I think I might have even been addicted to it at that point, and I decided to try a new way of cutting in hopes it would work better.
So I dismantled a new disposable razor and used one of the paper thin blades to cut my arm where I usually did.
Now normally I used a diabetic testing lancet thing and needed a fair bit of pressure, so I applied the same pressure to that razor and it cut far deeper than I meant it to.

I remember sitting there watching it just bleed and bleed, it soaked through two large bandage pads before it finally slowed down and clotted.
I was panicking and wondering what if I needed stitches, how would I ever be able to explain it to my mother, what if they committed me and I had to stay in for a few days....and freaking out about all those things that should be insignificant if I really wanted to die made me realize how much I actually wanted to live...and how much I still had to live for.
11/18/2012
Total posts: 9
Unique posters: 8