Toys first vs. the "real thing" first: what's your opinion?

Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Kind of a mild rant here, so bear with me.

I've come across, from time to time, discussions about women who were first penetrated by toys. Invariably, there's usually a few voices in the crowd who believe such a thing to be wrong, a shame, sad, or just plain weird - the idea being that "the real thing" should be everyone's first experience.

My question: why?

Why is it such a big deal if a woman chooses to penetrate herself with a toy before having actual sex? Should a woman just continually deny herself while she waits for someone she's comfortable with, when all the while she could be seeking out pleasure on her own terms in a way that's pressure-free? (I know I personally would still be reluctant to even think about having actual sex if I hadn't found a few good dildos first - as it is, now I can't wait!)

The most common reason I hear is "she shouldn't lose her virginity to a toy." This seems kind of silly. Very rarely does anyone ever say that a girl isn't a virgin because she uses her fingers, so why would a toy be different? Is a man not a virgin if he uses his hand or a Fleshlight first? The hymen is often brought up, but if a woman can break it through riding a bike, stretching her legs too far, or using tampons, I don't think it should matter at all if a toy does the job. If you can be born without one, I don't see why it should even come up in these conversations.

Now don't misunderstand - I'm not trying to offend here. I don't put virginity on a pedestal, but I still realize that your first time with someone else should be a special experience. I just don't think, from any logical angle, that using a toy first will ruin that. If anything, previous exploration of what her body likes can make a woman's (or man's, for that matter) first time all the more pleasurable.

Thoughts? Comments? Also, I know this post is rather lady-centric, but feel free to post from a male angle if you'd like.
06/30/2012
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Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
I don't really think it matters if it is a toy first or the real thing. In fact, it maybe be better to experience a toy first that way there is a bit of knowing what is to come.. IDK. I'm sure this is a hot topic though. I can't wait to see what everyone else thinks.
07/01/2012
The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
Kind of a mild rant here, so bear with me.

I've come across, from time to time, discussions about women who were first penetrated by toys. Invariably, there's usually a few voices in the crowd who believe such a thing to be wrong, a ... More
Well I can honestly say being a guy, I had a friend of mine who right around the age of 16-17ish found a girl who was willing to have sex with him whom he really didnt care for. She was an older woman who turned out to have an actual sex addiction she ended up seeing a psychatrist for. I mean she actually had sex with most of the people he worked with and when it got out she left the job and moved away.

I masturbated since I was about 13-14ish and had my first actual penetration at 18-19 with somebody I really cared about and I cant say that I have ever regretted it. On the other hand my buddy who was so against masturbation and used this older woman for sex ended up really being bothered by it in later age.

I am in my later 20s now and I am married. I still masturbate as well as having sex with my wife on a pretty regular basis. My wife and I are very open to each other masturbating infront of each other or alone.

What I am really getting at here is that I cant say that I think there is anything wrong with a girl masturbating in any way before she has a guy for the first time. An orgasm is an orgasm and even after you start having sex regularly sometimes you will find that on some occasions you really just enjoy masturbating.

I dont think a toy can ruin that experience in any way. I personally could have told you in my teens that id rather have a marathon of masturbating in my dorm room then having sex with a girl I would regret having sex with later.

I say enjoy and indulge!
07/01/2012
The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Well I can honestly say being a guy, I had a friend of mine who right around the age of 16-17ish found a girl who was willing to have sex with him whom he really didnt care for. She was an older woman who turned out to have an actual sex addiction ... More
Plus that... would that also entail shame if you were in a hot tub and had your first orgasm against a jet? Like a friend of mine? Would it be wrong if you had your first orgasm because somebody told you it would feel good and gave you an idea on how to do it?

My first orgasm, kinda freaked me out because it happened so fast and you can imagine it had nothing to do with a female. In the same train of thought my hand isnt a vagina so wouldent that be wrong? See what im getting at?

Its almost a completely different experience, having sex versus masturbation.
07/01/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Plus that... would that also entail shame if you were in a hot tub and had your first orgasm against a jet? Like a friend of mine? Would it be wrong if you had your first orgasm because somebody told you it would feel good and gave you an idea on how ... More
Heh, my first orgasm happened kind of by accident. When you're twelve and can't tell the difference between an itch and sexual arousal, and you rub rather than scratch because you don't want to hurt yourself, the results can be surprising.

I feel the same way: masturbation is self-stimulation, regardless of the methods and tools used. Sex requires another person in some capacity. What does it matter what a woman is penetrated with first, or what a man penetrates first, so long as it's safe and enjoyable to be doing so?
07/01/2012
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Loriandhubby
I don't really think it matters if it is a toy first or the real thing. In fact, it maybe be better to experience a toy first that way there is a bit of knowing what is to come.. IDK. I'm sure this is a hot topic though. I can't wait to ... More
I can honestly say (as someone who has yet to have real sex) that if it weren't for my dildos I probably wouldn't be interested in the real deal at all. I took some trial-and-error for me to see that penetration can feel good, so I'm on the far end of needing to explore first. I'm not ashamed of it. And now I eagerly await the day I become comfortable enough with a man to share my first time with him, whereas before I might have held back forever.
07/01/2012
TigerLily9 TigerLily9
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
I can honestly say (as someone who has yet to have real sex) that if it weren't for my dildos I probably wouldn't be interested in the real deal at all. I took some trial-and-error for me to see that penetration can feel good, so I'm on ... More
same here. I'm still a virgin but I use a dildo. I definately am glad I got one cuz now I know more about my body and what feels good to me
08/21/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 4