Were you a "Bully" when younger, or a "Bully Victim"? Either way, has that status effected you in any way?

Bignuf Bignuf
Has that fact of your youth stayed with you in some way? Do you act differently today, because of that history in your past?
08/03/2013
  • Weekly Special; Buy 1 Vibe, get 1 FREE
  • Save 15% on Luxury Brands
  • Annual Clearance - Save 30%
  • Buy Cascade vibe and save 50% on lubricants!
  • Save 20% on self-lubricating Cascade vibe and sleeve kit
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Sincerely Yours, N Sincerely Yours, N
I don't know. I personally think that a lot of this is just modern media hype. It's just like the plethora of students coming out of schools today unable to write properly because teachers can be fired for "putting down" a student by telling them that they write poorly.

I was a bully victim in middle school. I hated it. But then I grew up, as did my bullies and everybody else. I'm not different because of it - I knew it was a natural part of middle school and I knew it would eventually be over. Bullies have been around for as long as intelligent beings have been around. We just feel the need to sugarcoat kids these days and act like it's such a huge deal.

Mind you, I'm only 21. This isn't a cranky old woman talking. I just hate seeing what this constant sugarcoating is doing - it's producing a generation of egotistical adultchildren that can't handle criticism and think that every little thing they do is perfect. Not all, of course, but many.
08/05/2013
Mwar Mwar
I was a bit of both. When I moved, people were, of course, mean to the new kid. I was also smaller than most kids grades younger than me, let along my grade.

I started asserting myself too much sometimes. It really was because I was afraid of being a target. No excuses, it was just how I felt at the time.
08/07/2013
lalalalove lalalalove
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Has that fact of your youth stayed with you in some way? Do you act differently today, because of that history in your past?
I was bullied in middle school. It hasn't like changed my life dramatically but it definitely taught me a good bit about how to treat others and how bad it feels to be victimized.
08/07/2013
Gr8pumpkin Gr8pumpkin
Quote:
Originally posted by lalalalove
I was bullied in middle school. It hasn't like changed my life dramatically but it definitely taught me a good bit about how to treat others and how bad it feels to be victimized.
I was bullied in grade school and still have the emotional scars that it caused.
Thankfully I survived ok, I do believe the situation had an effect on my entire life, it took serious professional counseling to get past it.
My heart goes out to anyone who is the target of bullies, they likely have no idea of the consequences of their actions in the long term.
08/07/2013
Taylor Taylor
I was bullied quite a bit, I do think it has made me more sensitive towards others' feelings as an adult.
08/07/2013
Ansley Ansley
I was tormented throughout school. So much so that I dropped out the day after I turned 17. I was over it. It was like all of these people were trying to figure me out but no one bothered to actually ask me anything or have a discussion with me so it was all superficial judgment. I always had one or two really close guy friends who stuck by me but I stayed away from a lot of the girls. I wasn't interested in shopping or fashion or boys in the way they were and my mom never really let anyway come over so there were always question marks about me. It was one of those things that is hard to explain with examples of exactly what was done but it was the general approach everyone took with me regardless if we'd ever interacted before or not. I have been told countless times that I'm intimidating to a degree and that's what my mother always blamed it on. She would constantly tell me it was just jealousy and I found that extremely difficult to believe because their words were far more powerful than her's. (She would also occasionally back it up with a few insults of her own after having a cocktail or six.)

While all of this was happening, I became very shy and withdrawn. There are times where I still feel bullied as an adult, but there are subtle differences between then and now. Now, it's more of a "bullied by manipulation" instead of by aggression and gossip. I don't know, it's hard to explain.

I try my best not to buy into insults and things like that. It's impossible to be liked by everyone all of the time. I also think it's somewhat telling of a person's personality if everyone does love you. To me, it suggests you're willing to alter your personality or only divulge aspects of your personality to certain people. It's disingenuous to a degree and I don't see how someone can truly be happy that way.

(Example: One day you're hanging out with someone who hates vanilla ice cream so you say you hate it as well and the next day you're hanging out with someone who loves vanilla ice cream and you proclaim it's your favorite flavor ever -- well, which is it?)
08/08/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Sincerely Yours, N
I don't know. I personally think that a lot of this is just modern media hype. It's just like the plethora of students coming out of schools today unable to write properly because teachers can be fired for "putting down" a student ... More
Didn't think of that aspect. My husband was bullied as a child. He was a "little guy". It turned him into a tough and ripped athlete. He turned around his whole physical and mental situation, specifically to not be bullied, and interestingly, bullies hate to have someone capable of standing up for themselves. No one bullied him again, after he started weight lifting and wrestling. One he got into Karate...well, that was the end of it entirely...those prior bullies of his youth avoided him like plague.
08/08/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
I was bullied quite a bit, I do think it has made me more sensitive towards others' feelings as an adult.
That is what I have seen in more people then not.
08/08/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Gr8pumpkin
I was bullied in grade school and still have the emotional scars that it caused.
Thankfully I survived ok, I do believe the situation had an effect on my entire life, it took serious professional counseling to get past it.
My heart goes out to ... More
My hubbies response was to "buff up" and become very competent at "taking care of himself". His grade school "victim" status turned him into a "high school, no one messes with him" guy, and by college, he really believes it made him the strong man, and yet compassionate man, he is today. He is not going to be "pushed around" in any situation, and he will not ever allow anyone else to be "victimized" or "pushed around". I really don't want to go into too much detail, but once, vacationing in a major US city, we witnessed a "robbery" of a young lady, in progress, by two violent young men (beating her while trying to grab her purse). While it might not be the smart or safe thing to do, my hubby was not about to wait around and do nothing (as a hundred other people who literally walked by, turning their head did), but he said "stay here", crossed the street quickly and in about thirty seconds made sure that these two "tough guys" would think twice about ever, ever doing anything like that again. As the victim ran off, and he crossed the street to rejoin me, the police car arrived (this was LONG pre cell phone era, and someone, somewhere must have called), and as the cops pulled up, one of them must have realized he was the one "leaving the scene", and one of the two of them literally tipped his hat and mouthed "thank you". Yes, it was a "different era (people didn't get shot as much, when helping someone), but my hero of a husband sure showed me he went from "bully victim" to "serious brave hero", in just a few years, and so...honestly, you can turn those "scars" into badges of pride.
08/08/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Mwar
I was a bit of both. When I moved, people were, of course, mean to the new kid. I was also smaller than most kids grades younger than me, let along my grade.

I started asserting myself too much sometimes. It really was because I was afraid of ... More
Very understandable. It was a protective mechanism. Who could blame you?
08/08/2013
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
I was bullied quite a bit, I do think it has made me more sensitive towards others' feelings as an adult.
It is interesting that we all have "victim" history, but no one claims to have "been" a bully. Come on folks, you must be other there. You know who you are (or were). Where is your story?
08/08/2013
kistme kistme
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Has that fact of your youth stayed with you in some way? Do you act differently today, because of that history in your past?
I was neither.... for many years.

But there was a new girl that began riding our bus, and for whatever reason, she LOVED to torment me. I didn't (and neither did my friends) know how to deal with her. One day, I just snapped, got in her face. I'm not sure what she saw in me that day... but it must have convinced her to back off. She never bothered me again.

A few years later, I became a victim of molestation by a family member. Again, I couldn't figure out how to deal with it. This went on (intermittantly, at the oddest times) into adulthood. I guess he just saw me as a victim. He also saw himself as God's gift to.. well everyone.

My profession takes me into contact with young people. One thing I *DO NOT PERMIT* is ANY form of bullying.

Call it my way of fighting back. I had difficulty protecting myself, so I fight to protect others.
08/11/2013
KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
I was bullied for one year, which was when I switched from private school to public school. I was smart and the current smartest student didn't like the competition. So, she started a bunch of rumors about me and made it so the other girls had to choose between the two of us. It was terrible. However, I got a boyfriend and made a few solid girl friends right away. With time, the other girls realized I was down to earth and not out to be better than anyone else. Basically, it all worked out in the end and didn't affect my life afterwards.
08/12/2013
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 9