What Are Your Experiences Or Feelings On Trophy Wives?

At 43, I have had friends that have married their first or second 'trophy wife'. Since these ladies were married to our friends, I have gotten to know them and though I realize their are more situations than theirs--I have come to feel sorry for these ladies.

They live a life based on their belief that the love from their husband will last forever, but still live with the knowledge and inner fear of the younger or more appropriate woman that may take their place when they have lost their youthfulness or appropriateness to be the man's wife. Just like any trophy, it sits on display for awhile, gathers dust and goes in a closet.

I know these women signed on with the knowledge that due to their looks, age and appeal the husbands wanted to marry them. They also know that once the husband stops putting them on display and their life becomes a normal routine, the danger of divorce can hit. I just think many people don't think to realize these women have feelings and fears as well as those of us who married younger, and therefore are not stigmatized as a trophy wife.

What has been your experience? less

At 43, I have had friends that have married their first or second 'trophy wife'. Since these ladies were married to our friends, I have gotten to know them and though I realize their are more situations than theirs--I have come to feel sorry for these ladies.

They live a life based on their belief that the love from their husband will last forever, but still live with the knowledge and inner fear of the younger or more appropriate woman that may take their place when they have lost their youthfulness or appropriateness to be the man's wife. Just like any trophy, it sits on display for awhile, gathers dust and goes in a closet.

I know these women signed on with the knowledge that due to their looks, age and appeal the husbands wanted to marry them. They also know that once the husband stops putting them on display and their life becomes a normal routine, the danger of divorce can hit. I just think many people don't think to realize these women have feelings and fears as well as those of us who married younger, and therefore are not stigmatized as a trophy wife.

What has been your experience? less

Who cares? I mean, really, ask yourself why do you care? If the arrangement works for them it shouldn't matter what other people think. We're talking about two consenting adults making a mutual lifestyle choice. Nobody has the right to judge them in much the way nobody had the right to judge your lifestyle choices. less

Who cares? I mean, really, ask yourself why do you care? If the arrangement works for them it shouldn't matter what other people think. We're talking about two consenting adults making a mutual lifestyle choice. Nobody has the right to judge them in much the way nobody had the right to judge your lifestyle choices. less

Why does anyone care about anything? I thought this was a good discussion question & feel someone starting their comment with "Who cares?" is basically saying this topic wasn't worthy of being posted. I don't know if you meant it that way, but that was my reaction, for what it's worth. Look, there are lots of things people care about that don't affect themselves & I don't see why that is a reason not to discuss something or be interested in it. I think talking about topics like these can enlighten people if others bring new perspectives to the table. For instance, Stormy, I see you claim to be a trophy wife. My impression of you from the short time I've been on Eden, is that you are not at all like my impression of what a trophy wife is, meaning someone with low self-esteem & focused solely on what their looks can provide them. I already stated I have no personal experience with them, so media coverage is the most I have seen. How do you define what a trophy wife is? Will you be moving on from your arrangement with your husband when your looks fade? This is an opportunity to enlighten people, if you want. Maybe the issue lies in many people not knowing what "trophy wife" means. I suspect there are different interpretations, but the one js250 mentioned is the only one I am familiar with. less

I'm well aware that part of our attraction to each other is due to age difference. But guess what? I'm ALWAYS going to be sixteen years younger than he is...always...

It doesn't matter what I actually am...you guys have seen the intelligent, hard working, dedicated side of me (which is actually 99% me) but on a first glance, flash in the pan impression, people think I'm a trophy wife because I'm the following:

Sixteen years younger than my husband
Fit and petite
Submissive to him by nature, will and desire
I'm pretty by society's definition, aka girl next door

Therefore it's really easy for them to assume the following:

I am taken advantage of
I am being mistreated
That our relationship is based on sex and/or money

It's wrong, but it's their first impression and we've had people say it to our face. It's not until they see us banter and bicker and play that they're like "holy shit, they do love each other!!!" and then it all starts to sink in and they start to appreciate the real me, the me you all know.

People spend far too much time trying to figure out other people's relationships and that's why oxygen reacted the way she did. What difference does it make to anyone as long as the people involved are happy?

If a woman doesn't feel fulfilled in life, that's her problem. Not her husband's. You can't blame him, hell in a lot of cases where a woman really is a trophy wife it would be her husband's greatest dream come true if she would figure out something to do that would make her happy and keep her occupied. That's all he wants, is for her to be happy and shielded from life's uncertainties and bullshit and if that's something to feel sorry for then I just don't know what to say anymore... less

I have been doing a great deal of reading on the term "trophy wife" since I stumbled across this thread. When we studied it in my psychology course, it was perfectly cut and dry, however I wished to further research to ensure that I didn't miss anything.

By definition, a trophy wife relationship is one based on an affluent male exchanging his power and/or money for a specific kind of female's companionship. It is not primarily based on love - there are plenty of relationships that have age discrepancies or significant financial differences that have jack shit to do with one of the members being "kept," and just because one person is older, richer or has a high status doesn't make the marriage an example of a trophy wife set up. My parents are almost ten years apart, my mother was a drop dead gorgeous size zero knockout (after popping out three kids and everything) until medical problems a few years back and caused her to gain some weight, and she was unemployed for most of my childhood while my father worked. No one would ever have looked at them and judged them as anything but having married for love despite past marriages, age or financial status. My partner's father took a far younger woman as his second wife as well, (and she's petite, smart as a whip and was of significantly less social status than he at the time of their marriage) however no one ever judges them to be married for anything other than love either. I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you have shared in this thread, Stormy, but in your first post, you said that you were a trophy wife. Reading your second, however, you said people just /think/ that you are a trophy wife and make wrongful assumptions based on that. I am a little confused about where you're coming from - are you in a relationship where something is exchanged (and if so, since you've implied that sex and/or money is a wrongful assumption, does your husband have significantly higher social status than you do? Please enlighten me - I've been researching this dynamic for a while and I'd love to hear about your particular arrangement). Since you've said that you and your partner love one another, how long did that come after the marriage (or were you simply saying that you were a trophy wife in your first post because people assume that you are and not because that's actually your dynamic?)?

Personally, I have had some experience being a trophy date in the past. I have absolutely no problem at all with a "trophy wife" arrangement where a couple has a mutually beneficial exchange of goods. I have been wined and dined, taken to galas, taken shopping and appeared as needed at social events with older/richer/more powerful gentlemen. In exchange for being intelligent arm candy, I've received money, gifts and the pleasure of meeting people that, as a poor college student from the sticks, I would otherwise not. I'm personally not interested in exchanging sexual favors with these people, however were I, I could be engaged to a successful investment banker, spending his money as I pleased, instead of slaving away to save up for medical school. To me, that is the absolute difference. I would never ever feel sorry for myself or for anyone in a situation where they were fully in control. I consider a trophy wife dynamic to be like a business arrangement, and I would not get in to one with someone that I loved. I would also have a predetermined contract stating what would happen when/if our relationship were terminated by either party. If I happened to love a rich/powerful/whatever person, I wouldn't bother to marry him. I would keep my own bank accounts and have my name on possessions, but I don't need a piece of paper telling me that things are official. I wouldn't love someone who just threw money at me instead of actually showing that he cared for me, and then I wouldn't be any more shocked if he left me than I would be if my poor, unattractive, unknown husband did.

The kind of dynamic described by js250 and Wicked Wahine is the one that I find problematic, but quite frankly I find a lot of relationship dynamics problematic. As Oxygen said, what do I care? I don't have to care, but if my friends are in a shitty relationship, it doesn't matter to me what makes it shitty, I'm still going to feel sorry for them and want to help. Rich or powerful men don't have any more right to make their wives miserable than anyone else does, and if a woman (or man) feels trapped in a relationship or at risk of being left, s/he should discuss that with her partner rather than freaking out about it. If no one made prejudgements, then humans would be a heck of a lot less socially gifted than they are. Judging people is an absolutely necessary part of daily life, and we wouldn't be able to interact without it. The problem lies when a judgement isn't flexible and can't be made to account for individual differences. I don't give a shit if strangers (or even some of my friends) judge me for any reason, and I am much happier for it. If they are around me long enough to get to know me, they will see that some of their judgements were wrong. If they reassess and decide that they like me, great! If not, then I'm not missing out on anything. If they take one look at me, decide that I'm something that I'm not (or that I am), and leave, then what should it matter to me what they think? less