What Are Your Experiences Or Feelings On Trophy Wives?

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What Are Your Experiences Or Feelings On Trophy Wives?

js250 js250
At 43, I have had friends that have married their first or second 'trophy wife'. Since these ladies were married to our friends, I have gotten to know them and though I realize their are more situations than theirs--I have come to feel sorry for these ladies.

They live a life based on their belief that the love from their husband will last forever, but still live with the knowledge and inner fear of the younger or more appropriate woman that may take their place when they have lost their youthfulness or appropriateness to be the man's wife. Just like any trophy, it sits on display for awhile, gathers dust and goes in a closet.

I know these women signed on with the knowledge that due to their looks, age and appeal the husbands wanted to marry them. They also know that once the husband stops putting them on display and their life becomes a normal routine, the danger of divorce can hit. I just think many people don't think to realize these women have feelings and fears as well as those of us who married younger, and therefore are not stigmatized as a trophy wife.

What has been your experience?
05/10/2013
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
My ex-husband joked he was getting a trophy wife with me - I was younger, "beautiful", intelligent, and creative. He turned me into his caretaker because he really wanted his mother. *eyeroll* Anyway ...

I've never known any trophy wives personally, but I've always known it wasn't a good place - it was just a legal version of being a bird in a gilded cage. There was no security or trust in such a relationship.

I sometimes envy it - being kept as a beautiful pet - but that's just my sub side talking. I couldn't accept such an arrangement based just on my looks and age and his ego, which are too volatile to control.

Incidentally, anyone see the Trophy Wife Costume that came out a few years ago? (Gold dress with a trophy stand on the bottom of it.) I was tempted to get it and apply my razor sarcasm interpretation to it. *evil smiley*
05/10/2013
Hentialover Hentialover
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
At 43, I have had friends that have married their first or second 'trophy wife'. Since these ladies were married to our friends, I have gotten to know them and though I realize their are more situations than theirs--I have come to feel sorry ...
I am not impressed by it when it comes to the husbands, but I do have the opinion that they are both adults, and all though I worry it might end badly, as long as they aren't hurting anybody, and they know what they are getting into, I see no reason for me to really comment.
05/11/2013
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
At 43, I have had friends that have married their first or second 'trophy wife'. Since these ladies were married to our friends, I have gotten to know them and though I realize their are more situations than theirs--I have come to feel sorry ...
I have the experience of being a near trophy wife, but I'm realistic, and I know that looks and youth fade. That being said, I'm not dating that person.
05/11/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
I will be honest & say I do have a degree of contempt for the husbands who do this. I'm not going to explain or defend my prejudice on that. What I think about the women is they think, deep down, that he is going to fall so in love with them & that their situation will be different from other's. The same thinking is what keeps women with abusers & other people who are bad for them. They think, surely this person will see their inner worth & things will turn out okay. Ironically, these are the same people who tend to have a low sense of their worth, i.e, low self-esteem. They have learned their value lies in their looks & this sets up a faulty foundation for any confidence they might build, because looks are fleeting. If they all really were fine with it as a business transaction, exchanging their looks for a limited run as a trophy wife, why are there so many bitter, disillusioned ex-trophy wives? It flies in the face of common sense. You have an unequal power dynamic in the relationship & the discarded person is going to feel used or burned, it's inevitable. I have no personal experiences with this, nor know anyone who has, but you can't help but form an opinion about things you see happening in society & this particular situation is as old as time.
05/11/2013
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Who cares? I mean, really, ask yourself why do you care? If the arrangement works for them it shouldn't matter what other people think. We're talking about two consenting adults making a mutual lifestyle choice. Nobody has the right to judge them in much the way nobody had the right to judge your lifestyle choices.
05/11/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
Who cares? I mean, really, ask yourself why do you care? If the arrangement works for them it shouldn't matter what other people think. We're talking about two consenting adults making a mutual lifestyle choice. Nobody has the right to judge ...
Precisely. I'm a trophy wife and the only people who dog our relationship are jealous, bitter bitches who are insecure on their own marriages because they can't figure out what makes our relationship work when their's is failing miserably.
05/11/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by UnknownGirl
Who cares? I mean, really, ask yourself why do you care? If the arrangement works for them it shouldn't matter what other people think. We're talking about two consenting adults making a mutual lifestyle choice. Nobody has the right to judge ...
Why does anyone care about anything? I thought this was a good discussion question & feel someone starting their comment with "Who cares?" is basically saying this topic wasn't worthy of being posted. I don't know if you meant it that way, but that was my reaction, for what it's worth. Look, there are lots of things people care about that don't affect themselves & I don't see why that is a reason not to discuss something or be interested in it. I think talking about topics like these can enlighten people if others bring new perspectives to the table. For instance, Stormy, I see you claim to be a trophy wife. My impression of you from the short time I've been on Eden, is that you are not at all like my impression of what a trophy wife is, meaning someone with low self-esteem & focused solely on what their looks can provide them. I already stated I have no personal experience with them, so media coverage is the most I have seen. How do you define what a trophy wife is? Will you be moving on from your arrangement with your husband when your looks fade? This is an opportunity to enlighten people, if you want. Maybe the issue lies in many people not knowing what "trophy wife" means. I suspect there are different interpretations, but the one js250 mentioned is the only one I am familiar with.
05/11/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
Why does anyone care about anything? I thought this was a good discussion question & feel someone starting their comment with "Who cares?" is basically saying this topic wasn't worthy of being posted. I don't know if you meant ...
I'm well aware that part of our attraction to each other is due to age difference. But guess what? I'm ALWAYS going to be sixteen years younger than he is...always...

It doesn't matter what I actually am...you guys have seen the intelligent, hard working, dedicated side of me (which is actually 99% me) but on a first glance, flash in the pan impression, people think I'm a trophy wife because I'm the following:

Sixteen years younger than my husband
Fit and petite
Submissive to him by nature, will and desire
I'm pretty by society's definition, aka girl next door

Therefore it's really easy for them to assume the following:

I am taken advantage of
I am being mistreated
That our relationship is based on sex and/or money

It's wrong, but it's their first impression and we've had people say it to our face. It's not until they see us banter and bicker and play that they're like "holy shit, they do love each other!!!" and then it all starts to sink in and they start to appreciate the real me, the me you all know.

People spend far too much time trying to figure out other people's relationships and that's why oxygen reacted the way she did. What difference does it make to anyone as long as the people involved are happy?

If a woman doesn't feel fulfilled in life, that's her problem. Not her husband's. You can't blame him, hell in a lot of cases where a woman really is a trophy wife it would be her husband's greatest dream come true if she would figure out something to do that would make her happy and keep her occupied. That's all he wants, is for her to be happy and shielded from life's uncertainties and bullshit and if that's something to feel sorry for then I just don't know what to say anymore...
05/11/2013
Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I'm well aware that part of our attraction to each other is due to age difference. But guess what? I'm ALWAYS going to be sixteen years younger than he is...always...

It doesn't matter what I actually am...you guys have seen the ...
See, I thought a trophy wife was a pejorative term! That the one spouse, usually the woman, is only there to provide a trophy to show off to others, the value of the trophy being it's looks & usually significantly younger age & then when she ages, she is replaced.

I didn't think, & don't think other's who use the phrase, are referring to a marriage based on love. Isn't it insulting to call someone a trophy -- I thought that was the basis of the phrase? I thought these were relationships based on anything but love. Since the trophy wives in the cases I mentioned are usually young & focused on only their physical worth, they do end up getting hurt & that is partially why I think people have an interest in it. Not all women are empowered & some end up victims, even though they chose their own path. There will always be interest in other people's lives, especially when someone is hurt. It's human nature to be interested in other's plights as long as we live with in a society.

I think the vicious people who have harassed you & your husband are off the mark in calling you a trophy wife, let alone commenting about it to your face! I can't imagine anyone thinking a loving marriage anything like a business transaction where your husband is leasing you until you age & a younger model can be brought in. How the hell would someone even ask another such an insulting question? What they are is jealous, as you said & also spiteful to want to hurt you. This discussion isn't any of those things or so motivated.

Obviously, it's a hot button issue for some people. I think part of the problem is the differing understandings of what the phrase "trophy wife" means. But I also think it is disingenuous to expect people on a discussion forum of all things, not to discuss topics like this. Instead of knee-jerk responses, a thoughtful dialog would better serve for change, but if it is too exasperating, I would just stay away from the topic altogether.
05/11/2013
surreptitious surreptitious
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I'm well aware that part of our attraction to each other is due to age difference. But guess what? I'm ALWAYS going to be sixteen years younger than he is...always...

It doesn't matter what I actually am...you guys have seen the ...
I have been doing a great deal of reading on the term "trophy wife" since I stumbled across this thread. When we studied it in my psychology course, it was perfectly cut and dry, however I wished to further research to ensure that I didn't miss anything.

By definition, a trophy wife relationship is one based on an affluent male exchanging his power and/or money for a specific kind of female's companionship. It is not primarily based on love - there are plenty of relationships that have age discrepancies or significant financial differences that have jack shit to do with one of the members being "kept," and just because one person is older, richer or has a high status doesn't make the marriage an example of a trophy wife set up. My parents are almost ten years apart, my mother was a drop dead gorgeous size zero knockout (after popping out three kids and everything) until medical problems a few years back and caused her to gain some weight, and she was unemployed for most of my childhood while my father worked. No one would ever have looked at them and judged them as anything but having married for love despite past marriages, age or financial status. My partner's father took a far younger woman as his second wife as well, (and she's petite, smart as a whip and was of significantly less social status than he at the time of their marriage) however no one ever judges them to be married for anything other than love either. I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you have shared in this thread, Stormy, but in your first post, you said that you were a trophy wife. Reading your second, however, you said people just /think/ that you are a trophy wife and make wrongful assumptions based on that. I am a little confused about where you're coming from - are you in a relationship where something is exchanged (and if so, since you've implied that sex and/or money is a wrongful assumption, does your husband have significantly higher social status than you do? Please enlighten me - I've been researching this dynamic for a while and I'd love to hear about your particular arrangement). Since you've said that you and your partner love one another, how long did that come after the marriage (or were you simply saying that you were a trophy wife in your first post because people assume that you are and not because that's actually your dynamic?)?

Personally, I have had some experience being a trophy date in the past. I have absolutely no problem at all with a "trophy wife" arrangement where a couple has a mutually beneficial exchange of goods. I have been wined and dined, taken to galas, taken shopping and appeared as needed at social events with older/richer/more powerful gentlemen. In exchange for being intelligent arm candy, I've received money, gifts and the pleasure of meeting people that, as a poor college student from the sticks, I would otherwise not. I'm personally not interested in exchanging sexual favors with these people, however were I, I could be engaged to a successful investment banker, spending his money as I pleased, instead of slaving away to save up for medical school. To me, that is the absolute difference. I would never ever feel sorry for myself or for anyone in a situation where they were fully in control. I consider a trophy wife dynamic to be like a business arrangement, and I would not get in to one with someone that I loved. I would also have a predetermined contract stating what would happen when/if our relationship were terminated by either party. If I happened to love a rich/powerful/whatever person, I wouldn't bother to marry him. I would keep my own bank accounts and have my name on possessions, but I don't need a piece of paper telling me that things are official. I wouldn't love someone who just threw money at me instead of actually showing that he cared for me, and then I wouldn't be any more shocked if he left me than I would be if my poor, unattractive, unknown husband did.

The kind of dynamic described by js250 and Wicked Wahine is the one that I find problematic, but quite frankly I find a lot of relationship dynamics problematic. As Oxygen said, what do I care? I don't have to care, but if my friends are in a shitty relationship, it doesn't matter to me what makes it shitty, I'm still going to feel sorry for them and want to help. Rich or powerful men don't have any more right to make their wives miserable than anyone else does, and if a woman (or man) feels trapped in a relationship or at risk of being left, s/he should discuss that with her partner rather than freaking out about it. If no one made prejudgements, then humans would be a heck of a lot less socially gifted than they are. Judging people is an absolutely necessary part of daily life, and we wouldn't be able to interact without it. The problem lies when a judgement isn't flexible and can't be made to account for individual differences. I don't give a shit if strangers (or even some of my friends) judge me for any reason, and I am much happier for it. If they are around me long enough to get to know me, they will see that some of their judgements were wrong. If they reassess and decide that they like me, great! If not, then I'm not missing out on anything. If they take one look at me, decide that I'm something that I'm not (or that I am), and leave, then what should it matter to me what they think?
05/11/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by surreptitious
I have been doing a great deal of reading on the term "trophy wife" since I stumbled across this thread. When we studied it in my psychology course, it was perfectly cut and dry, however I wished to further research to ensure that I ...
Thanks for the novel....
05/11/2013
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
Why does anyone care about anything? I thought this was a good discussion question & feel someone starting their comment with "Who cares?" is basically saying this topic wasn't worthy of being posted. I don't know if you meant ...
The term shouldn't exist at all...you don't have to be pretty or wealthy to be in a loveless marriage.

Wealth makes marriage extremely difficult, sometimes more so than being poor and relying on each other to fill in the spaces of creature comforts. Some would say that a ruthless business man who is wealthy has no time for love in his life so a trophy wife is the best he'll be able to do.

But at the end of the day? It's their lives and no one has the right to judge them or even think about commenting on the state of their marriage.
05/11/2013
surreptitious surreptitious
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Thanks for the novel....
You're welcome! I'm glad that I could help educate you. =)
05/12/2013
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 8