What factors need to be present for you to trust someone?

js250 js250
Each of us has a different criteria that needs to be met when deciding if we are going to trust someone. For some of us it may be months of association, talking or other means of investing our trust in another. For others, it is a gut instinct, feeling of similarity or other instinct.

What are your criteria?
How often is it accurate?
Do you have different levels of trust?
05/08/2013
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Gary Gary
I follow my gut with trust. I usually don't trust people. So if they reach a point where I feel I can trust them, then I usually accept that.

Different levels of trust - definitely. I know people that I could trust with my darkest secrets, but I could not trust to water a plant once a week. Everyone is different, and trust is kind of knowing where your boundaries are with individuals.
05/08/2013
Sammi Sammi
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
I follow my gut with trust. I usually don't trust people. So if they reach a point where I feel I can trust them, then I usually accept that.

Different levels of trust - definitely. I know people that I could trust with my darkest secrets, ... More
I know people like that too .

I think a lot of it is gut instinct, initially, because if you don't feel the trust is there, it doesn't ever seem to be.
05/08/2013
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Gut instinct initially, then their actions. Most people get a decent base level of trust, but getting above that takes quite a bit
05/08/2013
GONE! GONE!
I need to get a good feeling from them. Their body language should be open and honest, and they should be showing that they trust me and can open up to me too.
05/08/2013
Taylor Taylor
I usually need to test them with small things to see if I can trust them. Once I am confident with them about the small stuff I will trust them more
05/08/2013
spiced spiced
In business and casual friendships, I try to take trust out of the equation as much as possible. In business, that means getting things in writing; in casual friendships it means things like not loaning money or valuables (tools, etc) to people I don't know that well.

In close friendships or intimate relationships, I take the plunge on something small first. Sure, you can borrow my chainsaw, but if it comes back all screwed up, don't expect me to lend you anything else. And I'll tell you a secret, but if it comes back to me via a mutual friend, don't expect me to share secrets with you again.

I've been screwed over a few times, but almost never twice by the same person.
05/08/2013
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I have to say I've been lucky. When it comes to personal relationships I can generally smell a phoney from a mile away. If someone passes the basic 'not a phoney' test, within reason they have my trust until they show they didn't deserve it in the first place.

I know this isn't something that comes to everyone easily - as young man my brother was a terrible judge of character - and cost him dearly. He's much better now - the school of hard-knocks has kicked in.

Spiced is right - in business, it's about 'trust but verify' as a famous president (Ronald Reagan) once said about the Soviet Union.

If someone has a problem accurately judging people I suggest the trust but verify axiom.
05/09/2013
kendra30752 kendra30752
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Each of us has a different criteria that needs to be met when deciding if we are going to trust someone. For some of us it may be months of association, talking or other means of investing our trust in another. For others, it is a gut instinct, ... More
Hmm. I don't know for sure because there are a lot of instances where it just happens (the decision to trust or not to). I don't think it's something I'm always really conscious about as soon as it happens. Lol.

I guess I would say I've been pretty accurate with my intuition on whether or not a person's trustworthy. There have been times where I went ahead and stupidly chose to trust them anyway, even though I had that feeling. You know? I did that quite a few times in the past actually & I'm even more careful after that, so I have learned to listen to that very first instinct and go with it because it's always right. If I get that feeling, I might as well not bother because they are not trust worthy and they always prove it.

However, if I don't "get that feeling" then it seems they're usually fairly trust worthy people, or at least as far as I know.

I really don't know what criteria have to be there or be absent in order for me to make the decision. It just seems more like a feeling for me. It's like hmmm.. could I trust this person with ... & I'll either feel that it's risky or not risky. That, I think is probably a contributing factor in how I make the decision (trust worthy or not).

I think, as far as the criteria they need to posess in order for me to feel I can likely trust them I'd need to feel comfortable being around them in general. If I have any discomfort being around them, I probably won't trust them as much as I am capable of.

I can say one thing for sure, if they have something sneaky about them or they act in a way that really screams sneaky or shady (I am thinking of one particular case) I do question whether or not I should trust them. This doesn't mean I choose not to trust them, because there is a situation where the person definitely has something sneaky or "hidden" about them and for some reason, I still am trusting them very, very much. Perhaps it's just that they don't trust me enough, as much as I trust them.

If someone shares equally intimate details about themselves with me as I have with them, I think I automatically feel a bigger sense of trust between us.

Most of all, I don't know that it's something that I really do consciously when I do decide. I think it's mostly just that feeling. There's a feeling you get, or maybe I'm weird.

Spiced & Gunsmoke: That is really good! Those are great methods there. In fact, my partner does the exact same thing as you, Gunsmoke! It works. & Now that I think about it, you are totally right -- he's never been screwed twice by the same person! That must be a really good way to go about it.
05/09/2013
DolphinGirl DolphinGirl
I often find that people who are selfless and empathetic are trusting. For the most part I have good judgment about who I can trust.
05/09/2013
js250 js250
I am a person that does not trust very easily. I also have different levels of trust for different types of people. I do give everyone the benefit of the doubt and allow a very small amount of trust based on my gut instinct. From there, they have to earn it!!

I had to learn to back off on trusting people so much because of the pettiness and cliques in the small area I live in....pretty sad, but coupled with the abuse from parents it made me a very cautious person about trusting, getting close or being completely open with people.
05/09/2013
Hentialover Hentialover
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Each of us has a different criteria that needs to be met when deciding if we are going to trust someone. For some of us it may be months of association, talking or other means of investing our trust in another. For others, it is a gut instinct, ... More
Trust has always been a sore spot for me. I was never very good at pushing people away, and as such I get hurt a lot. Due to this I have made a list of rules for when I meet someone. 1) Get to know as much about their personality and habits as they are willing to tell me. 2) Spend alone time with them, to see if they are any different when around just me and 3) Always take everything with a grain of salt, because even with a list of tests, some people are just... to good at tricking you. All in all, it takes me months to years to fully trust someone, and once that person hurts me once, just once. I'm twice as cautious as before. Forgive, but never forget i say, and remember the three strikes your out rule. If someone in your life hurts you seriously more then three times, they are not worth your effort, love or trust.
05/09/2013
Total posts: 12
Unique posters: 11