Originally posted by
When in life have you felt most alone?
Well, two particular incidents stood out to me when I read your question. I would say the time I felt most
alone in my entire life would be when I was raped. I don't think I've ever felt that alone even to this day. Not just during, but also afterward for a very long time. I was in high school when it happened (15 years old, the attacker was 26 or 27) and it happened the weekend right before the summer ended and the school year re-started. I just could not get myself back together after that. At one point I truly thought that I lost my mind and turned crazy because of the shit that would happen. I was never unhappy. Never. I was always, always happy every day, so when I couldn't be that anymore it bothered me and things would happen that made me think of it -- you know, the usual things a person goes through after something like that. But I'd never known anyone else who'd gone through it. I started having horrible nightmares, the man lived on the same mountain as me, so that kept me in a lot of fear.
Anyways, I thought that going back to school was the solution because I was always happy there. I had such a good time with my friends in school, not much could stop me from being lively and have crazy fun with my friends there, so nearly the end of the semester came around and nothing was getting better, and shortly before the semester ended, a girl who was there when this happened to me, told another girl the entire story, a girl who I was HUGE enemies with. Strange. I actually seen this "enemy" tonight at Wal-Mart. LOL. Have not seen her, but once or twice since the day we fought that day in school either. Anyways, later after she found out what'd happened, she wrote it on the bathroom wall. She wrote my name and that I was.. well, you get where I'm going. It was a huge paragraph right there on the bathroom wall.
We got into a fight that day, blah, blah, blah. I never went back to high school. THAT is the time I felt the most alone in my life. During the incident and for almost one whole year later. I had one amazing girl friend though who was so supportive. She wouldn't even let me walk alone outdoors. Even now, 6 years later, I've never had anybody (besides my partner) who was ever as supportive as that friend who did so much for me when she found out the day I left school and why. She was suspended with me, but she went back.
Anyways, yea. The good thing is, it doesn't last. Not usually. You may feel alone and you may very well be alone, but somebody does care so much, even if they're caring from a distance and you don't even know it. Almost one year after my "incident," I met my current partner and he was such a God-send. I couldn't even use certain words after the incident and he really, really made such an impact on me. He's part of what has gotten me where I am right now. I know, lame sounding, but it's true.
On another note, the Holidays can be a time where people feel sad, depressed or alone. I sometimes have seasonal depression, but it's usually mild and not severe. This year, at the beginning of fall, I had gotten pretty depressed though. It did get better. I'm the type who gets all seasonally depressed and then gets better towards the end of December. Happens that way every year. I know a lot of people stay severely depressed throughout the entire winter (or other times, not just seasons) though, especially those who have lost their loved ones.
I don't want anybody to ever have to feel all alone.