Originally posted by
wow, that's something I've always wanted since I was a child. you certainly are fortunate. WW. I so wish so many of use have/had a mother like yours sounds.
Aww, thanks, Edeneve!
My mom is a very strong willed personality and while there were certainly things I would have preferred she do differently, she did the best she could given the circumstances (or so she says, lol). My siblings and I are now 46, 45, 44 & 43 (I'm the eldest) and yet, we all still talk to her and seek her advice, especially when things are tough, which I think says a lot. We don't go to my father or each other as our first choice -- it's always her. And as annoying as it can be at times, she's always right, dammit!
That was especially annoying when growing up and she was telling us something we didn't want to hear/believe, LOL!
She said her parents were very hands off in the sense that they believed children should make their own mistakes. Well that's all fine and good, yet they never offered advice or guidance, even when asked and that
my mom felt was a shame. I agree with her, especially as they would come in afterwards
and tell them what they did wrong and then tell them all about the experience they had on the topic, you know, when it was of no help!
I think it is always helpful to share your wisdom with children to help guide them and make good choices, but of course, not remove all their obstacles and fight all their battles. I think it's a real shame not to help your children by sharing your experiences and thoughts in the hopes they can learn from them and make their own decisions with more information. That
is what my mom did so wonderfully! She taught us all about people and how they think and act and why they do what they do. She prepared us so that we could make the best decisions possible based on as much life experience as she knew about from herself and others. Knowing how something happened to so and so and what their choices led to is such a basic way of teaching, in fact, that is the reason behind many of the Bible stories! They we teaching through recounting stories.
We were given that insight in an effort not have to learn everything the hard way. Now, I have to say, I never had any trouble accepting these lessons, but my siblings all to some degree or other chafed at the bit, so to speak. One brother in particular is incredibly resistant to learning from others' mistakes and seems to always have to learn the hard way. And my sister, who thinks she's a great judge of character (she's NOT!), always tried to make up her own mind about people to the point that she rejected everything our mom would say about people. Unfortunately for my sister, she has always
been proven wrong and Mom proven right all along, LMAO! Now, you'd think that track record would perhaps change how my sister reacts in the future, but of course she is so stubborn, it doesn't ever change, LOL!
I think the biggest tribute to my mom is the fact that whether they realize it or not, all my siblings an I emulate her in how we treat people and interact, as well as in our firm core values. As a simple example, I have noticed through the years that we all are not only rescuers of any animal in need, but that we all "council" people in need and try to help everyone, just like she did/does. I was really surprised to notice my brothers for instance, rescuing animals when they used to bitch about all the cats and having to do this or that chore related to them. I thought for sure they would love being alone when they had the chance, free of the responsibility and expense of having pets. Well, lo and behold, they have both had multiple cats and dogs they have found and saved who they spoil rotten! Seeing this despite their avowals that they couldn't be bothered, really made me feel better about them as decent people and not selfish jerks I didn't recognize, lol.
My mom has even "raised" my father in a sense because, unbeknownst to her upon marrying him, she eventually found out he came from a very dysfunctional and abusive background. The man she married who was easy going and laid back, morphed over time into a controlling, hyper-critical person who, as most people do, reverted to treating his children much like he was raised. The change in my father has been drastic as she at first protected us from him (he never physically hurt us and she curbed any verbal abuse, but when we got older, we noticed how she was playing interference). Over time, my father has come to see the truth in all she has said about how one treats people, especially family and he has changed for the better.
OK, enough gushing, LOL. I wish you had the same type of upbringing in that sense and the close relationship I do with my mom because it's such a gift. I feel sorry for people missing out on it. Although, some people are just not going to get along, even if they are related. And people can seek out similar relationships with other non-family members. It's just difficult to find someone who knows you as well as a mother can.