Will Be Gone Longer

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Will Be Gone Longer

Envy Envy
So shit just royally hit the fan on my end. I found out my bf was seeing a girl behind my back and he has chosen to date her instead of me when confronted with a decision. He said he lost faith in me due to my manic depressive episodes and how it made me emotionally abusive. But partial blame goes to him for never telling me how he felt these past 2 years (apparently he felt like letting me go for 2 years now). So we are both at fault for the relationship failing. This is really hurting me, and I am unsure of where to go from here. It's been so recent as in it happened just days ago, but the waiting for his answer thing took about 2 weeks. So i have been in a lot of emotional agony since then.

Also, my dad is supposed to finally have surgery this Friday, but the doctors are jerking him around and are trying to push it back *again* for stupid BS they are spewing. But if he has it done, dad will be home for about a month or two, which means I'll be taking care of him as he won't be able to do anything.

Just giving you all a heads up that I'll be gone even longer. Real sorry, this hasn't been the best year for me at all, ever since the start of it. It's been one thing after another, and this month has really taken the cake. I lost a relationship of 4 years (even though it was LDR it still *hurts*) and my dad will be needing care for a while while his arm is worked on.

Things almost seem impossible to get back on track now, each day is a new challenge. Not even sure where to go from here now.

Hope everyone is is doing well, though. And sorry for no responses on comments to my reviews. Things are just really hellish right now.
04/28/2011
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Jul!a Jul!a
I'm so sorry to hear all of this. You've got tons of love and support from this community and when you're ready to come back, we'll all be here for you. Until then, you take care of the things you have to take care of.

Lots of love and hugs
04/28/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry all this is happening to you.

Mood disorders can be so difficult, I know. Please, don't forget to take care of yourself as that is the priority right now. It's so easy to forget to do that, and then we end up sicker and more depressed and more upset and can't handle anything.

Please, baby, take care of yourself, see your doctor regularly, stay ON your meds and eat and sleep properly. If you need to talk, I'm here. I know it seems easy to say, "Fuck it, I don't care anymore. I'm not taking the meds." Then things feel better for a few days and then you crash and they really REALLY get worse. So, take whatever you need to take, see your doctor DO NOT forget to eat and sleep.

Hugs and Love.....
04/28/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
SO sorry everything is tough. I know what it's like to take care of a parent. I don't know how hard this must be after your relationship ending. I know it won't be easy. I firmly believe that tough times are some of the most telling times of our own personal strength and you will come out on the other side of this realizing how strong you truly are. Good luck and sending good positive thoughts your way.
04/28/2011
markeagleone markeagleone
My wife and I hope everything works out for you. Take care of yourself and we are all behind you!
04/28/2011
Brandi Rouxxx Brandi Rouxxx
I hope everything works out for you. We all have moments like this. Just remember, falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living.
04/28/2011
toxie m toxie m
Aw, lady. I hope things look up for you real soon, keep breathing! I know it's extremely recent, but good riddance to deceptive boyfriends. It's in the roughest places that we have the chance to rebuild our lives in the ways we want, so good luck gettin' through it and making your life a better place to be from here on in. You're great, don't forget it!
04/28/2011
Kat Shanahan Kat Shanahan
I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you right now. Take all the time you need to take care of yourself as well as your dad, and I hope things get better for you soon.
04/28/2011
liilii080 liilii080
I'm so sorry these things are all happening at once. Any one of them would be enough to deal with on its own but combined, I can imagine it all feels overwhelming. Please take care of yourself and know we are all supporting you and will welcome you back when you are ready. You will come out stronger on the other side.
04/28/2011
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
I am so very sorry you are going through this, hon. Just remember that you do have people in your life who care about you very much. You WILL get through this. If you ever feel like venting, feel free to message me here on EF or contact me at selectivesensualist@ya hoo.com.

Best of luck with your father's surgery. I hope he is able to have it as originally scheduled on Friday. That way you will both be on the road to putting this part of your lives behind you. He needs the surgery, so it is frustrating for them to delay it! It is only putting off the inevitable and needlessly prolonging his pain. Caring for him after surgery will also give you something to focus on during this difficult period. Sometimes just the thing we need is to get our focus off of ourselves when we are hurting the most. It is affirming to know we can do something to help others in need even when we are reeling in emotional turmoil.

However, please, please remember to also take care of yourself during this time period, as P'Gell has said. Be diligent about taking your meds and seeing the doctor yourself. Also, eat healthy, rest well, and feel free to discuss your feelings with a supportive friend. You have plenty of friends here, and we'll be more than willing to lend you an ear. Just do what you need to nurture yourself, hon.
04/28/2011
ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
So sorry to hear about rough times Goth, my warm good wishes go to you and your dad.
04/28/2011
Envy Envy
Thank you all for the well wishes, it means a lot to me. Here's a mini update:

1) my dad is having the surgery today, yay! He bitched out the doctors and reported one for malpractice because he's a money hungry fool. My dad already got the echo cardiogram, he never had a heart attack, but this quack is saying he needs to drive all the way over to Tustin to have another one done with three other doctors present. BS. His surgery will be at 2 today. I hope all goes well, his gf and his mother will be present.

2) My ex's friend texted me about how he doesn't like this new girl, like at all. He had gone over to play PS3 with my ex, apparently she was there? I was told she was very rude, was treating my ex like a child, putting him down for things, was interrupting my ex's friend when trying to have conversations, saying she was bored and wanted to do something else, etc. All i can think about it "Wait.... he left me for that?!" Apparently she even won't let him out to hang with his own friends, he has to be with her and her friends only if he goes out. This really makes me mad as I never once controlled him like this. I had my episodes, but I never once denied him access or spending time with any of his friends.

I hope he pulls his head out of his butt and realizes what he did. In the mean time, I will be friendly (we still talk, though hardly as i assume she's the one telling him not to contact me), and work on myself. If he dumps her and wants to try again, I'd be more than happy to, and show that yes, I *can* work on myself and be the best i can be. not just for him (if he comes back) but for myself in the long run. It's already been doing wonders for me, I wish I had done this a long time ago....

In other news, my ex's mother contacted me. She wanted to know if I wanted to come back to AL for his graduation. I won't be able to make it on such a short notice, but she said even after, coming to visit at some point in the summer. I would really love to, but if my ex will have a problem with it I don't want to be the cause of something bad happening. My dad told me no, don't go over there ever again, but ya know what? I'm 23, I'm making my own damn decisions, dad. >:T I love the man, but seriously, let me learn from my own choices and mistakes. just because we broke up doesn't mean I have to be a heartless bitch and not be a friend, because I still want to be a friend and even my ex told me he still wants me in his life. At least this all explains his rapid change in behavior, he's being controlled.

Well, after work today I'll start to be playing caretaker. I hope dad won't be in too bad of shape after the surgery, but he sure does like to blubber like a big baby a lot. Here's hoping it will go well, though and he heals quickly.
04/29/2011
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Thank you all for the well wishes, it means a lot to me. Here's a mini update:



1) my dad is having the surgery today, yay! He bitched out the doctors and reported one for malpractice because he's a money hungry fool. My dad ...
Good, I'm so glad he was able to have surgery Friday! I hope it went well and that he is now recovering.

Regarding your boyfriend, I think that's great that you are wanting to remain on friendly terms with him. Even better, I love that you are working on yourself for YOU over the long haul because self-growth is for each individual's own personal benefit, first and foremost. So keep reminding yourself that you are working on yourself mainly for YOU, not for him. This may sound selfish, but keep in mind that you have the most to pour into a relationship when you have taken the time to fill your own cup. Someone who has never worked on him/herself has the least to give to others. And someone who has taken the time to love and know him/herself is a much more loving person to be around. After all, how can anyone be expected to have healthy relationships and love others in a healthy way if s/he does not have a healthy relationship with him/herself and cannot love him/herself? I think we all owe it to ourselves to love ourselves. God knows our loved ones would find us so much more loving to be around if we did.

Whether you ultimately end up with your boyfriend or not is much less important than you doing what is right for yourself. If things don't work out with your boyfriend, you have other wonderful things ahead of you in life. Just take things one day at a time and make the effort to find new things that you enjoy and appreciate. Most of all, don't sell yourself short and allow him to keep you on a string while he indecisively ponders his position. He has his own issues to work out, and he is the ONLY person who can work those issues out. No one else can do it for him. Don't put your life on hold while he works out his issues. Also, don't issue ultimatums, but simply determine what your boundaries and goals are, set them, and then enforce them. You can do this firmly while still remaining a supportive friend.
05/01/2011
Vaccinium Vaccinium
I feel terrible for you, Goth, and I'm wishing the absolute best for you. I know it's hard to see it now, but times like this are what you are going to look back on someday as defining moments of your life. You can either let them bring you down, or you can use them to build yourself up and make yourself an even better person.

We'll be here for you all along, so don't hesitate to post (or not post, if that is what you need).
05/01/2011
Envy Envy
Thank you all. *hugs*

just a brief update: He's being selfish, and though still wants to be friends, is being an asshole towards me because he feels 'resentment' towards me for dragging him on with my emotional problems for 4 years. He knew i tried, i was seeing a therapist for almost 2 years, fought depression, anxiety, and even bit the bullet and went on benzos and have been trying to fight all this tooth and nail. I get upset, i say things I don't mean, but apparently it was grounds for him to 'do something nice for himself to be happy' and leave me.

I can understand wanting to move on in your life if you feel someone is not one you can deal with due to whatever reasons, but doing it behind the person's back instead of manning up and saying I don't think it's going to work, let's see other people, hurts hell of a lot worse. So him telling me he didn't want to hurt me is bullshit.

I can't trust him and his dishonesty, my friend sent me a chat log of her and him talking, how he was so happy he made the decision to leave me and be with this other girl, to hell with me, etc. So yeah, i got mad, showed it to all our mutual friends, and let's just saying, people are removing him left and right from their lists and refuse to talk to him. I left a big fuck you on his profile page and he texted me in anger while I was out having dinner with family (which I didn't get to enjoy) and then a few hours later we argued over the phone for almost an hour. I kept breaking down his bullshit, he kept trying to bring up justifications for what he did, and said that people are calling him a monster because he decided to look out for himself and be happy for once. There's no excuse, no justification. If he had done it the 'right' way and gently let the relationship go, not cheating, this wouldn't be so bad nor would it hurt so much. Then he had the gall to say that if it doesn't work out with this girl, he *might* try again with me. I'm sorry, but I am no one's backup. How can I trust someone who ripped my heart out? I told him I'd have to even think about being his friend first before even thinking about trying another relationship with him.

As it went on, he started talking less and less while I poured my heart out how i felt about everything. I never said any justification for the actions i did and the pain i brought him, i admitted everything, said I was sorry, said I am working on myself. I have no reason to deny his claims against me, i take full responsibility for my actions, and then called him selfish and immature because he took the coward's way out of all this and how he refuses to admit what he did was wrong, insisting that I 'deserve' this. Okay, sure, maybe i deserve this, but I'm not justifying my actions like he is. i accept it, I will work on it, and I will get over it, with or without him.

As he got more silent and I couldn't get him to say anything more (I asked if he even still felt anything for me, and he snidely remarked "Well I'm talking to you now, aren't?" ), i told him with how he's acted towards me, our friends, how he's hurt his own family by doing this, etc, and the fact he's dishonest (I kept emphasizing that the whole conversation so it *might* sink in, not sure it did), that I haven't even decided if I'll even want to keep him in my life as a friend or anything at all. And i said, "Don't be surprised if you log on and I'm no longer there. You did this all YOURSELF. *click*" Hung up on him.

Sorry for the wall of text. I have a lot on my mind right now. I now am in the stage mostly of anger. I hear there are stages to go through. Anyone know them so I can best prepare for all of this?

Also, I shared everything with his mom and dad. His mom won't help him anymore with school or loans or much after this, and his dad is pissed off at him and probably thinks likewise with his wife. The chat log also had parts of him speaking how he really feels about his mother, and there was already a rift, but I felt she and her husband needed to know. They want me in their lives, they saw me as a daughter, but I don't know how I can still keep close to them through all this. This wasn't to be malicious, I just wanted them to be aware of what was going on so he didn't lie to them about me or the situation. He's lied to family and such before (I think we all have) and i wanted to tell them my side and show them the truth.

Aaaaand at the same time I am now fighting food poisoning. Ugh.
05/01/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Thank you all. *hugs*



just a brief update: He's being selfish, and though still wants to be friends, is being an asshole towards me because he feels 'resentment' towards me for dragging him on with my emotional problems for ...
First, it's good to hear that your dad was able to have his surgery. Did it go well?

And then, oh, how rough that this happens all at the same time.

It can be really tough to have a relationship end under the best of circumstances, but the painfulness of finding out your ex wasn't being honest for *2 years* about how he felt for you can really feel awful.

You might want to consider outright cutting contact with him for a few months if all of your interactions will just get your blood boiling like that last one. If he's been feeling frustrated for two years, he's not likely going to change his mind, and even if he did change his mind, it sounds like you deserve someone who can communicate more clearly and honestly with you. So even though it might seem even stranger, I would suggest telling him you don't want to hear from him for (some set period of time, maybe 2-3 months?), and then not contacting for that amount of time. If you do want to be on friendly terms later, a period of silence while you both work on yourselves might be a good way to keep you from riling each other up.

And whether or not you cut contact, as P'Gell, Selective Sensualist, and you yourself have said---take care of yourself while you care for your dad. Keep a journal if that's your style. Or keep in touch with us at EF, or be silent, however works best for you.

All my best (even though we haven't interacted much, I feel for you!)
05/01/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Thank you all. *hugs*



just a brief update: He's being selfish, and though still wants to be friends, is being an asshole towards me because he feels 'resentment' towards me for dragging him on with my emotional problems for ...
This? insisting that I 'deserve' this. Okay, sure, maybe i deserve this is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE

No one deserves to be treated badly, no matter what the other person's "reason" is. He made a choice to cheat. He needs to own up to it. Not lay the blame with you. He knew you had problems and that you were getting help. You did nothing to "deserve" that. That is an abusive way of taking the blame off of himself, and frankly, I'm glad you're not with him anymore, because it makes me wonder what other sorts of abusive things he's said.
05/01/2011
Persephone Nightmare Persephone Nightmare
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
This? insisting that I 'deserve' this. Okay, sure, maybe i deserve this is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE



No one deserves to be treated badly, no matter what the other person's "reason" is. He made a choice to cheat. He ...
Tell it like it is, BBW! I was thinking the same thing when I read that bit
05/01/2011
Envy Envy
Just a small update:

I'm trying to take things day by day. I still cry on rare occasions. My dad has hand surgery coming up, I have dog sitting to do, coupled with jury duty I DO have to go in for this time. Also understaffed at work, so there's more hours there. So things have been pretty busy. Trying to do what i can, when and where i can. Also trying to make more time to come here, but I am unsure if I can get any reviewing and such done for a while longer. It's been estimated my dad will be home until September, maybe longer, not sure yet. He's get his surgery a few days before my birthday, so on my birthday I'll be busy catering to his needs. (Isn't that the greatest thing ever? If anyone wants to know, I'll be 24 August 7th.)

Also, I am tired of my job, getting just 65 cents above min wage when I will be 5 years there this October. I will try to make an appointment with my junior college I got my AA from, and see about going back and trying my hand at the medical field. I was suggested to be an LVN. I don't know much about the field, i am impartial to it (as in, it doesn't bother me, oddly, except maybe being around dying people but that's just me with my ability to sense 'things' and such) but at this point in time, i need a change, and I need a direction. I like helping people, and a few of my friends think I'll do dandy in this field, so I'll give it a shot. I also LOVED my psych classes and such in college, and I like learning about the body, I have a knack of researching things, figuring things out, etc. What do I have to lose? Wish me luck i can get started on going for it soon and here's hoping it'll be a good fit for me. *crosses fingers*
07/26/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Just a small update:

I'm trying to take things day by day. I still cry on rare occasions. My dad has hand surgery coming up, I have dog sitting to do, coupled with jury duty I DO have to go in for this time. Also understaffed at work, so ...
I've got my fingers crossed for you and I'm sending you lots of luck!
07/26/2011
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Just a small update:

I'm trying to take things day by day. I still cry on rare occasions. My dad has hand surgery coming up, I have dog sitting to do, coupled with jury duty I DO have to go in for this time. Also understaffed at work, so ...
All the best, Goth, with your dad's health and everything in your life.

If it's not too identifying, what industry is paying <$1 over minimum wage after an associate's degree and 5 years' experience? Not surprising they're understaffed, I suppose... It sounds like it will be definitely worth your while to look into the medical field instead.
07/26/2011
Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
All the best, Goth, with your dad's health and everything in your life.

If it's not too identifying, what industry is paying <$1 over minimum wage after an associate's degree and 5 years' experience? Not surprising ...
Oh sorry, should have clarified, I am a housekeeper for Motel 6. No union or anything, and raises are rare. It went something like... 24 cents... 24 cents.... and then 17 cents. So the last raise i was jipped. The first raise was actually a 'pay adjustment' since people working there less time than me were making more, so Human Resources adjusted my pay accordingly.

just really tired of the place and making less than 9,000 annually. i want some change. The biggest obstacle is my panic disorder and my fear of the unknown and of big changes, but i really hope I can overcome that and at least try for something different, ya know?

I was also bored and took a career test online, and it seems in my classification it's only like... 6% of the population? I read it and it was surprisingly accurate....

link

If I could pick anything off that list, I'd try nursing, but also a librarian or bookkeeper would be up my alley, too, considering I love books and to write.
07/27/2011
Total posts: 22
Unique posters: 14