Would you adopt a friends kid?

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Would you adopt a friends kid?

usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Ok, I was just thinking here about what others would do.

Long story short a friend of mine made a few bad moves in self deffense and was put in jail. I somewhat new her little girl well. Not great but just enough were she was use to me. She was 8 monthes old. When she got pregnent I promised ide always make sure her child was safe and that no matter what it would be ok.

So would you adopt a friends kid right now in your life
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, I made a promise
14
Yes, its whats right
1
Maybe, depends, the promise has nothing to do with it
8
Maybe depends what husband and family say
4
Probably yes not sure
3
Probably not but maybe
6
NO NO NO I dont care I promised isnt that what child services is for
No, not my thing
Not right now maybe later
5
Other
10
Total votes: 51 (43 voters)
Poll is closed
12/19/2010
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it would depend on a lot of other circumstances... What other family did this woman have? Is there a father? Did the woman have siblings who are also close to this child?

If there was no other family willing to step up to the plate, I would step in--but if there is a loving aunt/uncle/cousin/gran dmother who's close to the child already I would permit them to have custody, with the caveat that I still be permitted visits.

I would, however, hope that whomever this was would have made arrangements in a living will/will for who would gain custody of their child in the event of their death or incapacitation, so that I would not have to make this kind of a decision.
12/19/2010
Alicia Alicia
There is a big difference between taking custody of a child temporarily and adopting them. I'm assuming if the issue is that the mother is in jail it'll likely be a temporary thing unless she's serving something long term or life or something. I would definitely accept temporary custody of a child in this situation, but that's me. Everyone is in a different place financially, physically, mentally, etc. If I had too much on my plate I guess I would hope that there was other family around that could help the little girl. As for adoption, I think that would depend on a lot of things. Can I provide everything this girl needs long term as I would my own children? Can I afford to pay for her college? Do I have the room in my home to house another child permanently? Is there no other family that the mother would rather have the girl? Etc.
12/19/2010
firekitten firekitten
There is a lot involved in this. Like someone else said there's a difference between adoption and temporary custody. Also in most places, child services looks to family first to place a child. If family is unavailable, unwilling, or unsuitable, they tend to go to foster homes. If a friend were to offer to care for the child, that person usually has to go through the same procedures required to approve a home for fostering children. There are A LOT of legalities, it's not as simple as keeping a promise to a friend.

If I had a friend who was in this situation and they asked me to care for their child, I would first make sure that family wasn't an option. Especially with an 8 month old. A child that long would build a bond with whoever was caring for them, and would probably not even "know" their parent. In that case I think it would be much easier for everyone involved if the child stayed with family members.
12/19/2010
Sir Sir
Saying that you will make sure that the child is safe and adopting them are two completely different things. Making sure that the child is safe may not mean that they are in your custody - the safest place might be for them to be elsewhere. You need to know more about this child's family in order to make a decision.
12/19/2010
rdytogo rdytogo
Circumstances change over the years and unless this was a in writing legally binding thing than I wouldn't think that it was 100% for real and both sides shouldn't take it as that. Now that isn't to say that I wouldn't, but a lot depends on the circumstances and the situation.
12/19/2010
Muddog7998 Muddog7998
I would take guardianship for a temporary amount of time. I wouldn't adopt though because I'm leaving for Air force in January. I'm sorry, but anyone who has ever been to the MEPS center would know that you wanna keep the amount of visits to that place to a bare minimum. Adopting a kid right now would cause me to have to go through the entire application process again >.< I might ask one of their other close friends to take guardianship for me. I would help monetarily, but that is all I would be able to do right now.
12/19/2010
Darling Jen Darling Jen
Promises mean everything to me, so I would definitely stick by it. But I would first just help her out and contact family members about taking her first because perhaps she would like a relative to take her daughter on a more permanent time frame. But as a friend who promised to stand by her and care for her kid in her time of need, I would at least make sure someone who genuinely cared and was a good person was watching the child in the mother's place, whether it be a relative or myself. After all, the kid is a complete innocent and deserves to be taken care of.
12/19/2010
Lady Neshamah Lady Neshamah
gave my word to my girlfriend that if something happened to her, i would take her two little boys
12/22/2010
talkless talkless
If I had told my friend I would take care of her child I would take the child in to my home as long as she need!
12/30/2012
Septimus Septimus
It would really depend on the circumstances. I certainly wouldn't mind caring for a friend's child (even for an extended period of time, like a few years), but adopting is something else.
12/30/2012
jc123 jc123
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Saying that you will make sure that the child is safe and adopting them are two completely different things. Making sure that the child is safe may not mean that they are in your custody - the safest place might be for them to be elsewhere. You need ...
This, exactly. Also, taking the kid because of a promise you made a year or more ago isn't necessarily in anybody's best interest.
12/30/2012
Kat and Aaron(aaron) Kat and Aaron(aaron)
I would do what is in the child's best interest.
12/30/2012
LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
It would take a lot of thinking on everything. Just figure out what really is best for her.
12/30/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Ok, I was just thinking here about what others would do.

Long story short a friend of mine made a few bad moves in self deffense and was put in jail. I somewhat new her little girl well. Not great but just enough were she was use to me. She ...
I'm not in the position to currently.
12/30/2012
travelnurse travelnurse
Oh, that is a hard one. I would probably do temporary custody. It is not the child's fault and doing the right thing would be to take care of the kiddo.
12/30/2012
wildshores wildshores
probably not right now, but maybe later.
12/30/2012
RedKyuubi RedKyuubi
Depends. If I wasnt in a good situation then no. If I was and had no kids then probably. If I had kids then probably not.
12/30/2012
misterazor misterazor
it's tough. did you mean the promise? do you feel repsonsible? is the friend that great of a friend? would she do it for you? is there anyone else? how will it affect your family? i would think that the promise would be the least of the determining factors. it matters, but not as much as other things.
12/31/2012
CindyH CindyH
Quote:
Originally posted by misterazor
it's tough. did you mean the promise? do you feel repsonsible? is the friend that great of a friend? would she do it for you? is there anyone else? how will it affect your family? i would think that the promise would be the least of the ...
Great questions to ask yourself!
12/31/2012
Total posts: 20
Unique posters: 20