Your opinion---People who are more open, experimental and adventurous sexually have more issues than conservative people?

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Your opinion---People who are more open, experimental and adventurous sexually have more issues than conservative people?

js250 js250
After reading a few articles and blogs of porn stars, participating on the forums here at EF and researching various materials on sexuality, I have noticed a similar patterns or behaviors from many of the people who are more sexually adventurous.

Life Experiences: Past sexual abuse or repression. Negative connotations related to sex. Rape or incest incidents. Bullied, looked down on or teased in school. Religious teachings were negative about sex.

Behaviors: Rebellious or defying authority when younger. Purposefully shocking behavior. Promiscuous or prude past behavior. Less trustful, more reserved about friendships. Difficult making friends. Shy, introverted. Self-harming. Depressed, clinically or occasionally. Sensitive and easily hurt.

Physical/mental: Insecure. ADD/ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorders, bipolar and dyslexia. Adrenaline junkies. Addictive personalities. Drug/alcohol use. Low self-esteem, needing reassurance.

These are the common threads I have noticed in a majority of those who have become sexually adventurous.

I have noticed with myself that with the use of toys, experimenting and more adventurous aspects of my sex life, I have become less vulnerable to imagined rebuffs, more secure in myself as a person and the high from orgasming has filled my need for justification, reassurance and extreme need for an adrenaline rush.

I feel happier, more complete and the adventure has added a closeness to my relationship with my husband. I do have some of the above common threads--depression, over sensitivity, negative sexual connotations, ADD, sexual abuse, etc. I do use sex to compensate for what I notice lacking in myself--be it feelings, insecurities or sense of completeness. I also have noticed a positive results in my becoming a more rounded and whole person from embracing the healthy sexual being that I am. Are some of the behaviors from repressing our sexual beings?

I need to regroup and give a more complete answer, please so not take this discussion to mean that I think everyone has past or present issues and that is the only reason they are sexually adventurous. I am trying to gather opinions and experiences to complete an idea and theory that I have been researching for quite awhile. Thank you for your time and honesty!!
08/10/2012
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Geogeo Geogeo
I've noticed that too.
08/10/2012
Chilipepper Chilipepper
*raises hand* Yeah, totally.

When you've had a wild libido, told by your gender preference that you're too ugly/nerdy/fat to be wanted or attractive, marry the only guy who ever expressed an interest, spent ten years in a celibate marriage and blamed for his lack of libido, and then find out you're completely paralyzed with anxiety when anything gets sexually physical even though you REALLY want it but the inhibitions won't let go ... and yet want a Dom who'll take the time to draw me out while indulging my need for hair-pulling, marking, spanking, and bondage ... AND to be loved ... It's very confusing and makes for a tangled neurosis about the whole thing.
08/10/2012
gsfanatic gsfanatic
Ehhh, I disagree. For some people, it's just something that makes them happy. You don't need to have past trauma to enjoy letting go like a submissive, or have the need to take control. The problem is, there's a lot of literature that backs that up, since that was the old theory. It's kind of been disproven now
08/11/2012
RonLee RonLee
We are all individuals with our own set of contradictory beliefs and actions.
08/11/2012
Calla Calla
I consider myself sexually open/adventurous and I don't have any of the experiences/issues you mentioned. I think the two definitely can be related, but in a lot of cases they aren't.
08/11/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by gsfanatic
Ehhh, I disagree. For some people, it's just something that makes them happy. You don't need to have past trauma to enjoy letting go like a submissive, or have the need to take control. The problem is, there's a lot of literature that ...
I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I think establishing firm control over your sexuality can help those who are broken but to be honest EVERYONE is to some degree broken. I say enjoy the liberation but be wary of calling it something you use to prop yourself up. To my ears that sounds like a bit of shaming rather than embracing.
Rather could you not turn it around to say that you feel more loved, secure in yourself and happy when you have a great time playing with toys and orgasming frequently? There need not be a negative connotation here! Does it help with self esteem? SURE! Could you still feel this if your self-esteem was high and healthy? SURE!

Personally, I think the reason it looks like we who enjoy the benefits of self loving are deriving positive benefits and escaping our harsh pasts is because we are recovering and part of the recovery process is to speak out about the abuse. This could be why we see a disproportionate number of "broken" people talking about how this has helped us...mostly happy, healthy people know this already and don't feel the need to delve into why it works. Then again I believe rough experiences in life are a part of EVERY life to varying degrees.
08/11/2012
Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
People are all over the map sexually. Some have had bad experiences, others haven't. We should talk about this more openly. It seems like if we did, we would know it's not just damaged people that are up for more.
08/11/2012
Sodom and Gomorrah Sodom and Gomorrah
I enjoyed this post very much, thanks! It's an eye opener to look at ourselves and the way we treat sex.
08/11/2012
Ganconagh Ganconagh
My SO and I are definitely in the open, experimental and adventurous category. Neither of us have major issues (everyone has some issues, lol), but, both of us were in long marriages with inhibited partners before.
08/11/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I ...
I love you. Just sayin'.
08/11/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I don't think there's any evidence to back this. There have been some studies done that show people who are into kinky things run from those who have been abused to those who have not. Also some have mental illness while some do not. It's too varied a group to give a correlation.

Personally, while I do have many of the issues you've listed, I don't think it plays a part in what I prefer or do sexually. I don't like my sexuality to be pinned on my mental illness. It's like saying me being sexually adventurous is part of an illness, which it's just not. I don't link the two in any way. It's really not fair to say "oh, you like sex because of XYZ." Why can't someone be or not be XYZ without tying that into something in the past?

It's a bit like trying to find a "reason" people are gay. Some have past sexual trauma or mental illness, many do not. Why try to say their sexuality is based on anything but genetics or preference?

Also, people with issues are more likely to speak up than those without. It wouldn't be an interesting discussion to say "I had a great childhood and life!" Well, maybe some discussion could be done, but there's not a lot of people starting those discussions. That doesn't mean they're not out there, it just means they're less vocal. When you have problems then you're more likely to seek help. There's nothing to seek help with if your life is grand and sex is great.

Another point is that there is so many people with past abuse and mental illness out there. So of course some will end up being one way sexually. If you found a way to get every person with a mental problem or abuse in a room and polled them, I'm pretty sure you'd get a large range of preferences.
08/11/2012
LostinLife LostinLife
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
After reading a few articles and blogs of porn stars, participating on the forums here at EF and researching various materials on sexuality, I have noticed a similar patterns or behaviors from many of the people who are more sexually ...
that explains a lot for me it really does thanks for bring this to lite
08/11/2012
js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I don't think there's any evidence to back this. There have been some studies done that show people who are into kinky things run from those who have been abused to those who have not. Also some have mental illness while some do not. ...
Thanks, Kira--

You just opened up my thought process!! I am not trying to pass off being open and happy with personal sexuality and our preferences, but rather that people who have had the issues mentioned above tend to be more open and into new things--untried areas of their life as a means of taking control over one aspect and making it a healthy, fully happy part of their lives. There is not much control over the above issues. Bit I control my body, sexuality and preferences. Make sense??? My ADD is really making me jump around--I will have to come back, I thought I had this topic under control----
08/11/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I ...
I agree with Airen.

I also think that people who are sexually open are open about other things like... past sexual abuse, psychological issues, neurological issues, drug use, etc.

Believe me, I know a LOT of sexually conservative people and they have the same, if not more severe "issues" than sexually open people. However, like everything else in their lives they often choose to ignore those issues and not talk about them. I see many conservatives as wanting to impress others as being fairly "perfect" so admitting to a damaged past (even if it's true) would intrude on their fantasy of who they are.

I just think people who are sexually open are open about other things too. We just aren't afraid to SAY something. Repressed people will cover things up, make things up, ignore their "issues" to make their lives look like they are working out, even when they are obviously not.

It's about honesty not "issues."
08/11/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I did want to add that there are plenty of people who are into imaginative sex and/or Kink who do not have "issues."

It's always easy to blame "issues" for Kink leaning sexual preferences, or open sexual attitudes, but I think it's a case of co-occurrence some of the time, rather than one causing the other.

I think SO many people are so filled with "issues" that you could look at ANY lifestyle choice and connect it to "issues."
08/11/2012
sexfairy sexfairy
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I ...
I agree with that totally! I am rally into embracing rather than shaming as well. We all have issues, to different degrees. The process of healing is bringing light into the shade and no matter what is there, to welcome all of it and stop running away from what we need to meet in ourselves, it gets healed in the process. It's all about opening up, welcoming and forgiving...
08/11/2012
Total posts: 17
Unique posters: 15