Using sex toys with a partner

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Using sex toys with a partner

Liz2 Liz2
I use and enjoy sex toys but I am uncomfortable with a partner using most of them on me. Perhaps I am a control freak but honestly so many of my toys hurt when my b/f (who is very sensitive) prods me with my glass and metal toys. By myself they are awesome as I can feel the exact spot but with a partner my pleasure points are missed (frustration) or I feel uncomfortable and like I am being impaled. I usually end up being the driver My b/f enjoys watching me but I know he wants to be more involved.during this period of play. I also love BDSM but my toy selection for my b/f to pleasure me is then also limited; basic vibes and dils. Any ideas?..
12/16/2008
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Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
I use and enjoy sex toys but I am uncomfortable with a partner using most of them on me. Perhaps I am a control freak but honestly so many of my toys hurt when my b/f (who is very sensitive) prods me with my glass and metal toys. By myself they are ...
I am sure our community will have tons of advice for you but from my own experience I would say open and honest communication is an important factor here. You need to speak to your partner honestly and tell him what your needs are and how he can be a part of that increased level of intimacy. Once he sees the level of stimulation it gives to both of you I am sure he will understand. As we all know these can be difficult discussions but and honest line of communication in a relationship always leads to more fun in the bedroom. Just take care to play safe both physically and emotionally.
12/16/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
While I think communication is important, I think there are just some things others can not do the way we can ourselves. I would look into perhaps softer toys which will be less painful if he gets a little too eager.

By all means, let him know that you're flattered he wants to play but you'd appreciate if he could take a few more cues from you, especially with the harder toys.
12/16/2008
Epiphora Epiphora
drewg, I think it's safe to assume that Liz2 already knows that communication is important. That's why she usually takes the toy from him and does it herself.

I have the same experience. I'm not sure what you could do... perhaps get a 100% silicone toy (I like the Goddess from Tantus). Those are harder to poke with.
12/16/2008
Nashville Nashville
My husband had the idea that it was just a hole and if you stuck something into it, it would autonamtically feel good. He kind of just thrusted whatever, whichever way because I'd make sounds... not necessarily the right sounds but he took it as a sign that he was doing something right... even though he really wasn't.

Put your hands over his and teach him. I had to do this, you'll have to too. My husband didn't learn right away and every time we start with toys again, the learning process has to be repeated. Just put your hands over his and show him physically what you like. Not only will it help get you off but it will turn you both on. Just saying "Oh, that feels good" isn't always the right way to get on track... verbally saying "left" or "right" or "more" or "softer" isn't enough either... you need your hands to guide his and help him learn the rhythmic motions to bring you to orgasm.
12/16/2008
Victoria Victoria
It's the same with me..I always regarded it as a matter of nuance, of angle, of rhythm. I don't mind being the "driver" sometimes because his hands go to other wonderful uses. I think even the angle of our bodies and the muscles we use when we play solo contribute - so it's no wonder that the sensations are different when a partner participates.

The flip-side of this, for me, is that I have the absolute best g-spot orgasms from the "come hither" motion of his fingers - no toy comes close...yet
I'm sure it's the similar to how others feel about oral sex or nipple stimulation (meaning toy vs. human).
12/16/2008
Snappy Snappy
Since your partner already enjoys watching you play with toys, turn some of those sessions into tutorials. Acquaint him with the toy and any accessories that you use with it (lube, etc.) and talk to him while you pleasure yourself. Tell him how good it feels when you...(insert instructions for using the toy here).
12/16/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
My husband had the idea that it was just a hole and if you stuck something into it, it would autonamtically feel good. He kind of just thrusted whatever, whichever way because I'd make sounds... not necessarily the right sounds but he took it as ...
Maybe it's just my short arms, but I think that trying to physically guide would be nearly impossible!
12/16/2008
Dame Demi Dame Demi
Instead of phallic thrusting toys, you could also try toys with remote or corded controls, such as bullets or the Rabbit Pearl. This works well for my husband and I. I control the placement of the shaft or bullet and he is given the remote to tease me with the different speeds and patterns.
12/17/2008
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dame Demi
Instead of phallic thrusting toys, you could also try toys with remote or corded controls, such as bullets or the Rabbit Pearl. This works well for my husband and I. I control the placement of the shaft or bullet and he is given the remote to tease ...
That is a good idea!
12/17/2008
Liz2 Liz2
Thanks guys for your ideas. Yes "softer" toys, most silicone and VixSkin work "ok" with a partner driving as I can move and also direct to my favorite spots just as I try to do during vaginal sex. But steel and glass toys obviously have no "give" but they almost always deliver an awesome g spot orgasm for me when they work the right spot. I frequently ejaculate using them. My b/f wants to replicate my experience with he being the driver.
Will also have to try more positions; we have been using he on his back and I am on my back on top of him so our arms and hands are at the same angle. And yes he does put his hands to good use but with a glass or steel toy; not there yet.
Remote control sounds good, haven't tried this yet, thanks DD
12/18/2008
Dragon Dragon
I understand. Despite everything, communication about sex is one of the hardest things. Demonstrating isn't enough. And one or even two conversations isn't enough to "get it." There's just more sometimes. It actually means that I prefer to use my toys alone.
12/19/2008
Liz2 Liz2
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
I understand. Despite everything, communication about sex is one of the hardest things. Demonstrating isn't enough. And one or even two conversations isn't enough to "get it." There's just more sometimes. It actually means ...
Thanks DBD..I too have come to the conclusion that some toys, esp most steel and glass are better used alone or only with a partner who doesn't want to drive. At this point my b/f enjoys watching and using his hands elsewhere. He is beginning to realize that my pleasure spots can be elusive at times even for me and that I don't always hit them myself with toys that don't have "give".
We all know that there are so many elements involved in sexual satisfaction. I once had a b/f who believed that I should be in immediate orgasmic heaven from the penetration of his cock alone. LOL!
12/23/2008
Rockin' Rockin'
It's been a while since this topic was active, but I have a little experience with this same problem, and thought I'd share...

I've found that it's less likely I'll feel impaled or hurt by a rigid sex toy if I'm very aroused. Perhaps you could "drive" until you were quite close to orgasm, maybe even over the edge, and then let your partner take it while you writhe in ecstasy. Then, the next time, let him have control a little earlier, and the next time, a little earlier than that. It would take a while, but I think you would both learn a lot and have a lot of fun, too.
03/12/2009
Liz2 Liz2
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
It's been a while since this topic was active, but I have a little experience with this same problem, and thought I'd share...

I've found that it's less likely I'll feel impaled or hurt by a rigid sex toy if I'm very ...
Thanks, I feel some guys, like my present b/f, gentle as he is, just don't have the "touch" using rigid toys on a partner. But I am not giving up, now using smaller rigid toys with my b/f. I just love the NJoy Pure Wand by myself, awesome, but when used by my b/f on me, it is so uncomfortable. He does enjoy watching me with this toy.
03/12/2009
Total posts: 15
Unique posters: 10