Taken your rapist into court?

Contributor: firekitten firekitten
Quote:
Originally posted by Shaelote
Sometimes that isn't an option. Sometimes you live a long time feeling that the abuser has power over you and that it's your fault. Or that something bad would happen if you told. Or that it wasn't really abuse, because other people ... more
Very well said. I'm only now to the point that I'm "ready" to confront it and deal with it, nearly ten years later. I spent a long time wanting to ignore it, every "anniversary" feeling like a dark cloud was over my head.
01/27/2011
Contributor: Xavier7 Xavier7
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I am just wondering for those women who have experienced sexual abuse if you have gone to court to defend yourself. I am thinking about how difficult it must be and I am wondering if anyone has had a positive experience of going to court.
Just women? I'm a guy and I've been raped but haven't gone to court and I'm fucking angry that I didn't because that was 2008 and 2009 and now it's 2 years later and why would anyone believe me now? Besides, the courts are fucking assholes. It would be hard for me to deal with the repetition of my story again and again and she still wouldn't get what she deserved.
01/29/2011
Contributor: Xavier7 Xavier7
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
I'm there with Sex & Lies and want to echo what she has said, but she put it so well that there's really nothing to add.

I do want to say that for posters, questions like these, while you may want to satisfy your own curiosity, ... more
I really agree with you Blinker.
01/29/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
WOW! After seeing the poll results, I'm glad mine didn't make it to court. Like so many others, mine was just mysteriously gone. No evidence left. Nothing. No rapist in jail. He actually still lives on the same moutain that I do which makes me sick! I just this year decided to come forward and tell my story. Most people did not know and a few months ago my survivor story was published on an abuse site. I was glad to see how much help it gave women in my same situation. I am sad that he was never put in jail because after speaking with police (who didn't care) I learned that at least 2 other women had reported a similar experience with the same man I did. They also reported having bite marks, I mean actual bite marks. That was his thing I guess. I still have a scar under my breast from one of his bites. I hate that hes still out there. He did get a pretty rough beating though.
05/20/2011
Contributor: teeny <3 teeny <3
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I wasn't upset by her response

I didn't respond bcs I didn't know what to respond. I thought that I would rather not add anything bcs I really agreed with what she said and I didn't want to make anyone feel bad by saying ... more
You're such an awesome friend for crying with her. I'm sure seeing how much you care had a powerful effect. I've actually been teaching rape prevention for a few years and there are a few bits of info that might help things make sense or seem a little bit less dim to her.

-It is estimated that 1 out of every 6 women are raped in her lifetime. So she's not alone. (Only 1 in 8 experience breast cancer and that cause has federal funding and 5K race . . . think on that.)
-The FBI estimates tha only 10% of rapes that occur are actually reported. So going to the police, though terrifying, is an incredibly bold and courageous act and makes the survivor stand out as a role model by result.
-Only 2% of reported rapes are false reports (This is on par with other violent crimes.) The world is full of poop-heads that may say she's lying or looking for attention by crying rape. Well the odds of her lying about that are the same as if she was lying about being car-jacked.

What's important is you believe her and respect her and her circumstance and so should everyone else!
06/20/2011
Contributor: Lilith's Girl Friday Lilith's Girl Friday
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I am just wondering for those women who have experienced sexual abuse if you have gone to court to defend yourself. I am thinking about how difficult it must be and I am wondering if anyone has had a positive experience of going to court.
There is a missing option in your poll. May I illustrate? I have been assaulted. I was young. I only remembered his name when I was 23. Amnesia is a common smyptom. I don't even know if he'd remember me, but I do know that I could never be considered a reliable witness. Am I disappointed that I never took the man to court? No. It's futile to be disappointed that way. Am I disappointed in the courts because they'd never believe me? More so, but not always. Whenever I consider it, I feel kind of numb because it's easier than getting pissed off at something I can't change.

The missing option in your poll is: I have been abused and have not gone to court, and have made peace with it. I'm willing to bet that a good portion of the people who answered in the "other" category feel this way. I answered "I am disappointed" because I wanted to lend a stronger voice to the fact that the legal system needs to change in some way to help survivors nail their abusers to the floor, toss lighter fluid over them, and dance to the rhythm of their screams and pleas for mercy.
07/04/2011
Contributor: anonomous anonomous
Quote:
Originally posted by Danielle1220
I was raped when I was 17 by my boyfriend at the time's friend. I was fighting with my boyfriend and went out with him and his girlfriend (who was one of my best friends at the time) just to keep my mind off of what was going on at home. I ended ... more
Im so sorry Its sickening how people have that in them! And for the gf to be in on it?! Disgust!
07/11/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
Yes I was abused and went to court I kind of got justice, he only did six years not really fair now he lives 20min away from me! He was my grandfather to.
08/02/2011
Contributor: thebest thebest
not really sure if what I experienced can be labeled as abuse
08/07/2011
Contributor: Lindsey123 Lindsey123
When I was 14, my boyfriend (who was 15) raped me. Possibly only abused. It wouldn't go in, so he stopped. I've told a few close friends, but, I was his first. He's done it to at least one other girl. She didn't press charge either. I half wish I did, but it was only my word against his.
10/31/2011
Contributor: hyacinthgirl hyacinthgirl
I was sexually harassed on a daily basis by classmates when I was in 8th grade (12-13). I was told that I was going to be raped, had sexually explicit comments made at me every day, and was made to live my life in fear, because how is a 12 year old supposed to know that all the sexual abuse talk is just talk? Especially since earlier that year, I had started identifying as asexual, and had just come out of an extremely sheltered private school. I wish I had told anyone, rather than acting out in violence against myself and developing my eating disorder. I don't know if anything would have been done by the school, but maybe my parents would have pulled me out while there was still a shred of my original happy, optimistic personality left.

I was also raped by my ex-husband. I did not recognize either time for rape until recently - I had convinced myself that he was playing around, and things had gone too far, and that he didn't realize how upset it had made me. As though me crying and screaming at him to stop and trying to shove him off of me was just a joke, or was too subtle for him to understand. It happened years ago, so no possible way to take him to court... and honestly, I don't think he thought of what he did as rape. I think he thought he was just being dominant and aggressive, and since I had multiple orgasms, I must have been turned on.
11/07/2011
Contributor: Cherry21 Cherry21
Quote:
Originally posted by twistedheartsx
A lot of these answers make me sad
yea.
12/01/2011
Contributor: Cherry21 Cherry21
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Honestly, I know you didn't mean any harm, but every time I see this thread topic re-appear in the forums I get really triggered and upset. Many of us here in the forums have talked about being sexually assaulted, but you'll notice none of us ... more
then don't answer the post, or read the responses.
12/01/2011
Contributor: tlaskowski tlaskowski
what i went through wasnt physical abuse! it was more like when i had to go to his house he would have porn on to watch and would smoke weed and ask if i wanted any and would ask me questions like do i shave down there. i was 12! so no i didnt take it to court i was scared my fam would hate me but i hate that i didnt bc he did the same to another family friend too! but this can not be charged in court so she couldnt do anything too!
12/02/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
I have been through this and chose not to go to court. I wouldn't say I'm happy with my decision. I would have liked to. My family had already been through enough with my sibling and it would have put too much on their shoulders..
12/02/2011
Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
It's taken me 10 years to become strong enough to talk about what happened. I don't think I'm strong enough to face him, though. I'm ashamed that I haven't pressed charges and taken him to court, but I just don't think I could handle seeing the face from my nightmares again.
12/02/2011
Contributor: pleasurehunter pleasurehunter
Depressing topic. I would like to thank those who stand up and take their attackers to court, making the world safer for others. It takes a lot of courage to do that
12/05/2011
Contributor: bratofthekitties bratofthekitties
For me, it came down to "I distrust the legal system" more than I hate my rapist. I was a sex worker at the time and even though I didn't get raped in that context that's enough for the tables to turn on me quickly.
12/07/2011
Contributor: sweetpea12 sweetpea12
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I am just wondering for those women who have experienced sexual abuse if you have gone to court to defend yourself. I am thinking about how difficult it must be and I am wondering if anyone has had a positive experience of going to court.
I haven't been sexually abused but if I did I would take that person to court no matter what. I would try and destroy them (with litigation)
10/24/2012
Contributor: falalena falalena
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
I am just wondering for those women who have experienced sexual abuse if you have gone to court to defend yourself. I am thinking about how difficult it must be and I am wondering if anyone has had a positive experience of going to court.
im not sure if what i experienced was abuse, but it was definitely heading down that path. afterwards the guy harassed me for a very long time, and i was and still am terrified of him.
01/20/2013
Contributor: collegegirl21 collegegirl21
By the time most people stop blaming themselves for what happened, its too late
01/22/2013
Contributor: doowop doowop
I'm not sure if my experience applies. When I was 11 a strange man tried grabbing me and pulling me into his car. He did assault me before I got away, and I reported it to police, but I never heard back. They said he was most likely stalking me for some time, but had no other information. I found his picture in a group of mugshots and everything. It's sad that they didn't follow up with me on what was going on.

Another time I was abused and didn't press charges. I was young and figured that because I was intimately interested in him prior to the assault, that my story wouldn't be believed in court. It's sad, but I've healed and learned that I need to speak up no matter what.

I really feel for all of you. Your stories are heartbreaking.
01/22/2013
Contributor: Andrey2052 Andrey2052
I have been abused and not gone to court and am disapointed I didn't do it
02/01/2013
Contributor: dks210 dks210
I haven't been raped or sexually abused, but if I ever am I'd most likely take him/her to court.
02/25/2013
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyTabby
I think men report it even less then women because of society's image but rape happens to both sexes.

I don't know statistics but it seems many attacks are from a known source. I was attacked by someone I knew from a friends house. ... more
That is so sad. A life ruined... I hope the bastard who hurt him gets put away for a LONG time, preferably life.
03/23/2013
Contributor: Alyona Alyona
I have been abused and not gone to court and am disapointed I didn't do it
03/28/2013
Contributor: WestTexasBarbie WestTexasBarbie
Was raped & fought with my attacker. No DNA evidence was found inside of me, only a trace on the sheets. Tried my best to prosecute him to the fullest extent. When we went to court, he was charged with Assault (as if he had just hit me) & spent 30 days in the county jail. Me? I ended up with a "life sentence" over it emotionally. I urge EVERYONE to go for prosecution, but I do understand now why many women don't go through with prosecuting.
05/17/2013