Why do people practice "real" sadism over "pretend" sadism?

NightNight NightNight
I have found myself wondering several questions after reading this article.

I wouldn't hesitate to call these men criminals but, while I think the term applies, I do hesitate to call them sadists. I suspect this is because I want to protect the term as it applies to sadists who practice safe, sane and consensual s/m.

Some of my questions are:
Why couldn't these men utilize SSC BDSM as a means to satisfy their kink? Surely they were aware there are communities and individuals who indulge in these fantasies without having to resort to criminal behavior? Is their kink dependent on non-consent? Does that mean there is a sociopathic element involved? How common is it for sociopaths to sexualize their sadistic tendencies? In what ways is this different from "my" sadism? You could argue that it was consensual because the victim effectively signed up for it, but you could also argue she was coerced or brainwashed or suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

It puzzles me how normal people can engage in some of the same or similar behavior but because they've received consent and the session ends it's not considered a "sociopathic sadism". Is consent and the lack of serious harm the only thing that sets them apart or is there also something else? Empathy, maybe? What else?
09/11/2010
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NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by NightNight
I have found myself wondering several questions after reading this article.

I wouldn't hesitate to call these men criminals but, while I think the term applies, I do hesitate to call them sadists. I suspect this is because I want to ... More
I just realized it's worth saying before I offend anyone that I'm not trying to criticize people who practice S&M. I myself have slapped, choked, spit on, humiliated and otherwise abused my husband but the thought of doing so without his consent makes me physically ill.
09/11/2010
Blinker Blinker
There are Doms and sadists, and there is Ted Bundy. They don't get off on the aspect of sex, it's the power they get from torturing their victims. THAT gets them off. When Bundy started killing women in 1974, he had a nice girlfriend who had a daughter and they had a good sex life, until he started raping and torturing women. After that, he had no sex drive with his girlfriend. He concentrated his power on these victims of his.

These types of sadists cannot get off if the sex is consensual. In psychology, these people are not technically mentally ill, because they're psychopaths, which is pretty much being devoid of any empathy or conscience. They're just evil, basically. They view women like a junkie sees heroin. Just another fix. They need another as soon as the high wears off. These are not women to them.

I hope that sheds some light on this. You asked a very interesting and thought-provoking question. I'm not a professional psychologist or clinician, but I have done extensive reasearch on sexual sadists like Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer for numerous crimnal justice and psychology classes.
09/11/2010
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
There are Doms and sadists, and there is Ted Bundy. They don't get off on the aspect of sex, it's the power they get from torturing their victims. THAT gets them off. When Bundy started killing women in 1974, he had a nice girlfriend who had ... More
That's basically about it. If there's consent, it isn't hot to them. The entire appeal comes from forcing/violence and the showing of power.
09/11/2010
NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
There are Doms and sadists, and there is Ted Bundy. They don't get off on the aspect of sex, it's the power they get from torturing their victims. THAT gets them off. When Bundy started killing women in 1974, he had a nice girlfriend who had ... More
I enjoy power play, too, but I never forget about the empathy I share with my partner and the trust they're placing in me. That's the only thing I can think of that separates me from someone who has the capacity to go "all the way".

It's confusing to hear that Bundy could maintain a normal and healthy sexual relationship apart from his, uh, not-so-healthy ones. Also, that after experiencing another level of excitement that healthy consensual sex just became not enough?
09/11/2010
NightNight NightNight
Quote:
Originally posted by Kayla
That's basically about it. If there's consent, it isn't hot to them. The entire appeal comes from forcing/violence and the showing of power.
Yeah, I think it's strange how the fantasy and illusion of power is enough for someone but not enough for another. But even in consensual play the top can be in a position of REAL power but just choose not to abuse it.
09/11/2010
Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by NightNight
Yeah, I think it's strange how the fantasy and illusion of power is enough for someone but not enough for another. But even in consensual play the top can be in a position of REAL power but just choose not to abuse it.
Yeah, but for people who are real sadist and actually cause aim, it's mostly a break in logic. Like an addict. Heroin addicts don't think exactly about why they're doing it - they just need it, and they'll spend all their free time planning their next fix. It is interesting though - psychology is still attempting to study what makes people grow up as actual sadists.
09/12/2010
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 3