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Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
What's up with the silent treatment in a relationship?

If you want open communication, doesn't it make sense to talk about an issue instead of ignoring your partner on purpose?
06/11/2010
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06/11/2010
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
Yes, to your second question. The only times I feel that silence is necessary and/or useful is when emotions are running high and useful communication is not possible. If I'm furious, extremely frustrated, or feeling really off-balance about an issue, I'd rather have some time apart or at least some time without words (perhaps in different rooms) to calm down, collect my thoughts, and figure out what I really want/need to say. Then the communication can happen without personal attacks, mind games, or other derailing problems.
06/12/2010
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Ditto!

My partner can be very attack like when he has something negative to share, usually I let him vent and then I retreat to another room and let him calm down. Once he is ready he comes to see me and we talk it out slowly. Give each other an opportunity to say whats on our mind without intterupting the other.

I have never in this relationship ever had a problem that I have never talked about to my partner, or stopped talking to him bcs I was upset with him. If there is an issue I always think it is best to work it out rather than keep the pain of it inside, its not worth it.

In our relatiponship he is the very agressive one and at times it can be overwhelming to manage him venting out but I know he loves me and that after the venting he recognizes his mistake. He is improving a lot but he still has work to do on himself (anger management, lol). We constantly work on our relationship and ourselves, its a full time job.
06/12/2010
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
Of course it makes sense, but as humans we fail in the department of open communication sometimes. Emotions run higher than logic a lot of the time, and not just in women like most people would say. I got the silent treatment a lot from my ex-fiance back in the day, yet he'd get upset with me for not talking things out with him. It was...weird.

If it's something that you did to upset your partner, try apologizing for it. If you have no idea what's wrong, apologize anyway and then ask why your partner is upset.

You can't get your partner to break the silence unless you nudge them to do so.
06/12/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
I ignore people, not just my bf. I have a bad habit of being verbally abusive if I'm confronted in the moment of rage or frustration, so I need time to cool off before I can say my piece calmly. My bf knows and respects this and waits before asking me anything.

Now if only my dad knew when to leave me alone....
06/12/2010
Contributor: Felinity Felinity
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
What's up with the silent treatment in a relationship?

If you want open communication, doesn't it make sense to talk about an issue instead of ignoring your partner on purpose?
I ignore a lot of what my beau says, but that's usually because he's in the process of venting. LOL I'd kinda rather listen to him bitch than deal with silence - leaves too much time for brooding. Plus the makeup sex is a lot of fun.
06/12/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I've never understood the silent treatment. I've never had an ex pull this one on me, although I have pulled it for a day or two, mostly to spare one decent sized argument from turning into one that would end the relationship.

I personally prefer to try and sit down and talk things out before they become something that could cause arguments big enough to warrant the silent treatment.
06/13/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I can sometimes use it as damage control.
06/28/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
I get quiet when I get angry. I hate yelling and fighting is totally pointless 99% of the time.
06/29/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
I think the 'Silent Treatment' is way passive aggressive, but I do see the value in taking time to calm down and not speak harshly in anger. Giving someone enough time to cool down is hard sometimes, but everyone deserves to have the time they need to process their emotions and gain perspective.
06/29/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Actually, pulling out and doing the silent treatment is more mature for me. If I'm having to stay in and keep fighting, I WILL pull out all the nasty crap I know and USE it. I was told that I was quite entertaining at the diner whenever I got into a fight because I verbally hit below the belt. (This was also the most dysfunctional workplace I have ever had the displeasure of being involved in.)

I always did the silent treatment with my ex-husband - I disliked him so much that I knew fights with him were going to end with him killing me because of my mouth. He never understood that ... he just continued stewing so he was even more mad by the time I could talk about it. By that point I was calm enough to deal with him and end it without bloodshed. (And no, making up wasn't worth it, either. I often though 'make up sex' was invented by married people to explain why they had kids.)
06/29/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I think the 'Silent Treatment' is way passive aggressive, but I do see the value in taking time to calm down and not speak harshly in anger. Giving someone enough time to cool down is hard sometimes, but everyone deserves to have the time ... more
I at least tell the person "Hey, I need my space." Then silence begins...

I hate when people get mad and then act like jerks or stop talking to you, but don't tell you why. It isn't always obvious how you have upset someone and we can't read minds!
06/29/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
My boyfriend loves when I give him the silent treatment, because it never works! I end up insulting him and then we "fight" which just turns into random verbiage and then tickling. Basically we stay mad at each other for 5 minutes then have make up sex.

I can't stand when people answer "nothing" to the question of "What's wrong?". It's very dicey and seems to be a game. I made a pact when we first started dating that I would never tell him nothing was wrong if something IS wrong. It's worked. Honesty works.
06/29/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
My boyfriend loves when I give him the silent treatment, because it never works! I end up insulting him and then we "fight" which just turns into random verbiage and then tickling. Basically we stay mad at each other for 5 minutes then have ... more
that's awesome!

I'd rather hear "I don't know yet" or "I'm too pissed to talk about it" than "nothing".
06/29/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
that's awesome!

I'd rather hear "I don't know yet" or "I'm too pissed to talk about it" than "nothing".
I would too. Although I freely admit to giving the "nothing" answer, but it's usually followed very quickly by "I'm not entirely sure yet". Normally when I say "nothing" it means that it's nothing I want to talk to that person about, and it's something besides them that's making me angry tho.
06/29/2010
Contributor: Sera Sera
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
What's up with the silent treatment in a relationship?

If you want open communication, doesn't it make sense to talk about an issue instead of ignoring your partner on purpose?
Good point. I hate when people do that. It tears a relationship apart. It's also abusive.
08/12/2010
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
i have tried giving bf silent treatment but never lasts long.
04/13/2011
Contributor: padmeamidala padmeamidala
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
What's up with the silent treatment in a relationship?

If you want open communication, doesn't it make sense to talk about an issue instead of ignoring your partner on purpose?
my Master used to give me the silent treatment when he got mad at me but we've learned a better way to communicate and he no longer does this to me. I hate it.
04/13/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I rarely do it, but I will say nothing if I feel I'm going to go ballistic and lose control if I have to say what is one my mind at the moment. Sometimes it's better to shut up, than to say things you don't mean. But, I don't ignore him.

He used to have a habit of "freezing" me out when he got angry. It was very infantile and it really pissed me off. He's gotten better. Sorta.
04/13/2011
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
I think facial expression can a far better display of emotion than yelling and arguing at times. Sometimes it is just better to avoid the argument until you can have it civilly without the insults.



I find that conversation is rarely fruitful when all you want to do is stab the person in the face so they will stop talking. (.....my imagination is far more violence oriented than my body... mostly)
04/13/2011
Contributor: newlady newlady
I don't consider it ignoring. I sometimes consider it to be an extreme act of control to be silent. Plus I'm not really a quick thinker (I think of things I should have said later on!) and often if I can just be quiet for a bit, then I can calm down faster and think things through better.
04/13/2011
Contributor: K101 K101
Oh I hate "silent treatment." Actually I hate silent anything. If talking is going on, I'm happy. I don't think giving someone the silent treatment is any way to resolve. I would feel more like it was a way to run away from real issues. I could understand walking away for a while and not speaking if you're angry enough that you may hurt the person's feelings or make things worse. After cooling off though, I think it should be discussed.
04/16/2011
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
we dont talk unless were calmed down. If we continue to talk while angry, it tends tu o make things worse
04/24/2011
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I will avoid saying anything to him when I am angry because I don't want to say something hurtful to him, but I don't give him the silent treatment.
04/25/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I am not a fan of the silent treatment. I honestly think it's very juvenile and damaging to a relationship. At the very least, it ensures that your feelings on a particular issue that bothers you will never be heard. And a partner can never learn anything about what not to say or do if they're given the silent treatment.

Like others have said, I prefer to cool off before I start talking, because I do not want to say anything I'll regret later. But cooling off doesn't take long and it is different than the silent treatment. I love the discussion after an argument, we learn so much about each other, and that's when the love really shines through, because you find out that neither of you was actually trying to hurt the other person.
04/25/2011
Contributor: MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Yes, to your second question. The only times I feel that silence is necessary and/or useful is when emotions are running high and useful communication is not possible. If I'm furious, extremely frustrated, or feeling really off-balance about an ... more
Yeah i agree. With ppl like me its better i give the silent treatment insted of blurting everything thats in my mind with no sugar coats. But sometimes the silent treatment can hurt more so it depends.
04/25/2011