A new romantic interest has a problem with me being friends with my ex.

freud13 freud13
freud13
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So I dated my ex for a very significant amount of time and we were engaged. My ex is FTM and I went through that entire process with him and he went through me losing my sister very unexpectedly. Our relationship ended because we just made better friends than romantic partners. We are like family and have been thru a lot together. I still hang out with his family and vice versa and we have many mutual friends. We also share joint custody of our dogs and hang out quite often. There is no chance of our ever getting back together or having any romantic anything. I have met someone new who is very threatened by this relationship and wants me to cut him out of my life because they are afraid we will get back together. While I understand how threatening it could seem this guy is not someone I really see as an expartner anymore but my best friend and family. We have been split up for well over a year so there has been significant amount of time. I guess my question is how can I try to make this new romantic interest understand where I am coming from?
11/11/2012
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ToyGeek ToyGeek
You don't cut important people out of your life to humor a new romantic interest, and if the new romantic interest can't handle that, then it could be a sign of a future full of controlling behavior, jealousy, and general distrust.
11/11/2012
js250 js250
Introduce them to each other and then talk about the situation to both of them separately. Maybe your ex will be able to reassure your new interest about the nature of your relationship. It is normal for the new interest to be threatened, but you should not have to make huge changes in your life for their security. I can see small changes as a compromise--but do not give up faithful friendships, you will regret it later.
11/12/2012
Supervixen Supervixen
While I think it's normal and healthy for a new interest to be uncomfortable with you being so close with an ex, it's also not fair to cut someone out of your life when they mean so much to you as a friend. Love interests will come and go, and maybe this is a deal breaker for him--maybe he was hurt in the past by someone getting back with an ex they were close with. But good friends are harder to come by and you shouldn't give up relationships that mean something to you for a new relationship that still in the early stages. You'll have to decide which means more to you: your friend or the potential of this new relationship?

I like js250's idea about introducing them and talking it out, though. Maybe if he's open to that, you guys can come to an agreement. It should show him, at the very least, that you have nothing to hide and you're trying to make room for both of them in your life.
11/12/2012
charletnarouh charletnarouh
This friend seems like a very important person in your life. Anyone who truly cares about you and wants to be with you should be able to understand this and respect it. It's going to be about explaining to your new love interest how you feel about this friendship and how you were both there for each other during difficult times in your life and that you will always be important to each other. my Girlfriend has two exes she is very good friends with and i have a couple of exes i still talk to and one is a good friend. Wwe are both able to respect each other's friendships with these people and jealousy has never been an issue. Wwe both explained how Wwe each feel about these people and why they are important and Wwe both know each others friends and get along with them both. If your new interest can't get over this issue and become comfortable with your friend then it's definitely a sign that it's not a good relationship match for you. i always disagree with letting go of important friendships, or any friendships because of a new relationship.
It's worth mentioning that this advice is valid only as long as your friend is respectful of your romantic relationship and not likely to try and drive a wedge between you and your new interest or be jealous of time you spend with a new partner or anything like that. i've been in some pretty nasty situations with past girlfriends where their friends, ironically usually friends who were never exes or romantic or sexual interests, work really hard to drive us apart because they're jealous that i'm now taking their friend's attention away from them. i think i've probably just had really bad luck in this area to have it happen multiple times because i don't honestly think it's that common, but it does happen so it warrants consideration.
Probably in order for it to work, they will need to get to know each other and at least be comfortable around one another. Good luck. Situations like this suck.
11/12/2012
freud13 freud13
Thanks everyone for responding. I am going to introduce them and and talk it out from there. While I am sympathetic to the fact that it can be threatening I am not prepared to lose a friend for a new love interest. I certainly want to be reassuring to this person but at the same time am not going to just eliminate everything from my life that seems threatening.
11/12/2012
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 5