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Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
(EdenFantasys)
Related to: 
Sex and the Suburbs: I Promise to Love, Cherish and Not Get Caught?
Is Ashley Madison (and sites like it) causing folks to cheat? Or just giving those who are already cheaters a place to hook up?

Any benefits, in your mind, to anonymously cheating?
09/16/2009
Saraid Saraid
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Is Ashley Madison (and sites like it) causing folks to cheat? Or just giving those who are already cheaters a place to hook up?

Any benefits, in your mind, to anonymously cheating?
I don't see it as a benefit, but I also don't think it causes people to cheat. People are going to cheat whether or not Ashley Madison exists.
09/16/2009
Goth Goth
I'm not for cheating, really, if youre married, you're married. You don't like your spouse, divorce. I don't agree with these kinds of websites, however this one is really out there for actually promoting an affair. However, who's to say affairs don't go on on, say, Plenty of Fish, Myspace, etc? However this is like a big red and yellow neon flashing sign.

Again, I'm not for cheating (who knows what kinda diseases a spouse can bring home, or if they impregnate another/get pregnant) but I would say have this site more for swingers than anything else.

And I don't think it actually causes people to cheat, you have to WANT to cheat to actually seek out a site like this and then hook up with someone to cheat. It's different if you go on actual dating sites to hook up with someone (if you're single) but then remain on the site to hook up with more after.

If I'm not making any sense, sorry, still having my coffee, lol.
09/16/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
I feel like that website streamlines the process, which I don't like. If something isn't easy, that might give the person time to think about what they want to do, think about the impacts, and maybe reconsider, or at least pursue help in a more constructive way.
09/16/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I feel like that website streamlines the process, which I don't like. If something isn't easy, that might give the person time to think about what they want to do, think about the impacts, and maybe reconsider, or at least pursue help in a more ... More
That pretty much echoes my own feelings on it.
09/16/2009
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I feel like that website streamlines the process, which I don't like. If something isn't easy, that might give the person time to think about what they want to do, think about the impacts, and maybe reconsider, or at least pursue help in a more ... More
Very well said.

I don't think someone is going to stumble across the site and all of a sudden decide to cheat but that doesn't mean it should be easy, either
09/16/2009
Liz2 Liz2
I guess if someone is going to cheat he/she will find a way regardless of Web sites. Cheating has been around well before the net.
The cheaters I know are not happy, always looking for something new. Interesting how some guys/ girls describe their castoffs to the next conquest.....
09/16/2009
LiftedUp LiftedUp
Although I do agree that some people are going to cheat regardless of sites like this, I still don't agree with this site, and feel that it probably does promote cheating, and enables some people to cheat who otherwise may not have.

I know this isn't the same thing, but I'll relate it to something like illegal drug use in young adults for example. If you make these drugs readily accessible for them, they are much more prone to experiment with them, than those who actually have to think it through, and go through some effort to acquire them. When you make an environment specifically catered to extramarital affairs readily available, you're destined to have a higher percentage of the population indulge.

Additionally, I feel quite strongly that a site like this conveys an abhorrent message to a society whose family and marriage structures are already in such a state of despair. I'm sure everyone here, or someone very close to them, has been affected in one way or another by divorce and broken marriages, and it's not a pretty thing, nor is it emotionally short-lived. To promote a behavior which is sure to directly lead to such a result is a crying shame.
09/16/2009
spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I feel like that website streamlines the process, which I don't like. If something isn't easy, that might give the person time to think about what they want to do, think about the impacts, and maybe reconsider, or at least pursue help in a more ... More
Agreed.
09/16/2009
spicywife spicywife
Quote:
Originally posted by LiftedUp
Although I do agree that some people are going to cheat regardless of sites like this, I still don't agree with this site, and feel that it probably does promote cheating, and enables some people to cheat who otherwise may not have.

I know ... More
very well said too.
09/16/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine Champagne and Benzedrine
This is EXACTLY the same logic that people in Alabama are using to ban the sale of sex toys.

"If you make sex toys available, more people are going to buy them and therefore the great state of Alabama will sink into disgusting debauchery."

I think cheating is wrong, the STD issue is just the most practical of the many reasons I'd never cheat. But you know what, that's me.

People who use Ashley Madison might be in loveless, sexless marriages - they might be swingers - they might have an open relationship - they might be fastidious about using protection. They might even have a reason to cheat (that even us non-cheaters might sympathize with.)

If we start to pass judgment on how other people live their lives and what websites they use to facilitate that, how's it any different from those evangelical nutjobs criticizing us for being sex-toy 'perverts' and attacking Eden Fantasies for facilitating the purchase of and appraisal of said sex toys?

Different people have different standards of morality. Considering we're very far from being considered 'vanilla' I think we have a duty to uphold and respect that.
09/16/2009
Laurel Laurel
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Is Ashley Madison (and sites like it) causing folks to cheat? Or just giving those who are already cheaters a place to hook up?

Any benefits, in your mind, to anonymously cheating?
I think these sites absolutely make it easier to cheat. It's like the difference coming across a candy bar by accident on the street or somewhere equally random and deliberately walking into the store FULL of candy to buy some on purpose. One is far easier and far more likely to result in the purchase of candy.

That said, I don't think anyone going to cheat just because they find this website unless they were predispositioned to do so. In other words, making it easier doesn't "create" a cheater, it only reveals one.
09/17/2009
Laurel Laurel
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Laurel
I think these sites absolutely make it easier to cheat. It's like the difference coming across a candy bar by accident on the street or somewhere equally random and deliberately walking into the store FULL of candy to buy some on purpose. One is far ... More
...It's like the difference BETWEEN coming across..

damn typo fairies.
09/17/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine
This is EXACTLY the same logic that people in Alabama are using to ban the sale of sex toys.

"If you make sex toys available, more people are going to buy them and therefore the great state of Alabama will sink into disgusting ... More
Ok Red Roulette, I don't want a huge debate to go on here. I think we're kind of on the same side of this issue, in that while I'm not a fan of the Ashley Madison website, I'm certainly not saying that it should be shut down or otherwise regulated by the government.

Your main question:

"If we start to pass judgment on how other people live their lives and what websites they use to facilitate that, how's it any different from those evangelical nutjobs criticizing us for being sex-toy 'perverts' and attacking Eden Fantasies for facilitating the purchase of and appraisal of said sex toys?"

It's different because one scenario involves a person lying to (and perhaps cheating on) another person, and not just any person, but a person to whom they have made some sort of commitment (and if this isn't true, break it off instead of leading them on and staying in an unpleasant relationship). Criticizing me for what I do on my own with a piece of silicone is a lot sillier and a lot less serious because it doesn't involve lying to or cheating on another person (arguments could be made here that one could cheat on someone with a toy, but please let's not go there). The "evangelical nutjobs" who don't like sex toys don't need to buy them. They have a choice. But people who don't like a site that streamlines the process of having an affair may very well become the victims of such a site without a choice in the matter.

I'm down with open marriages and swingers and other people who communicate with their partners about their desires and needs in relationship, but Ashley Madison doesn't seem to encourage communication. It encourages people to have an affair because life is short.
09/17/2009
Champagne and Benzedrine Champagne and Benzedrine
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
Ok Red Roulette, I don't want a huge debate to go on here. I think we're kind of on the same side of this issue, in that while I'm not a fan of the Ashley Madison website, I'm certainly not saying that it should be shut down or otherwise regulated ... More
I'm pleased you don't want a huge debate, because I probably couldn't sustain one! I guess I was just playing devil's advocate - whenever people start moralizing (rightly or wrongly) about other people's hypothetical private lives, I'm always jumping in with both feet with my libertarian bullshit!

Personally I liked the idea of Ashley Madison because hopefully it keeps all the cheaters and their shopping list of STDs in one small, collective pool. I wish!

Anyway, you're right!

I loved Licentiously Yours candy bar analogy - which leads me onto another one of my PET HATES. I've just lost 30lbs on a diet, so I do realise how tough it is, but I CAN'T STAND colleagues who get angry when their coworkers bring cake and candy into the office.

Just because YOU'RE on a diet doesn't mean other people can't share food! And I KNOW it's tough and I KNOW it's difficult to resist the temptation, but not eating it is ultimately down to personal willpower - not blaming a coworker who baked a tray of delicious chocolate brownies!

Does anybody else encounter this? Or is it just me?

I'm a pissy little brat this morning, aren't I?
09/17/2009
Goth Goth
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine
This is EXACTLY the same logic that people in Alabama are using to ban the sale of sex toys.

"If you make sex toys available, more people are going to buy them and therefore the great state of Alabama will sink into disgusting ... More
I find this funny because my boyfriend lives in Alabama and I want to move there, lol. All his previous girlfriends were abusive and also cheated with whomever they were with. He wasn't ready for sex at 14 (hell, neither was I, I still wanted to be a kid during all my teenage years) so every girl he dated cheated on him when they 'didn't get any.'

Makes me wonder then, without toys or an ability to get them due to it being illegal, does the percentage/ratio of cheating actually increase at all, even just a hair? Hmmmm.....

It probably has a lot to do with religious views as well.


However the real kicker is when I was there, I saw an adult store in... I think it was either Foley or Fairhope. Never went in it, however, looked like one of those shady places.
09/17/2009
Rockin' Rockin'
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine
I'm pleased you don't want a huge debate, because I probably couldn't sustain one! I guess I was just playing devil's advocate - whenever people start moralizing (rightly or wrongly) about other people's hypothetical private lives, I'm always jumping ... More
Awesome. I like the candy bar analogy as well. I'm a big fan of willpower and self-discipline, and am constantly irked when people blame their circumstances or other people for their own lack of discipline. (Yay, no debate, I wasn't up for one, either)
09/17/2009
Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine
I'm pleased you don't want a huge debate, because I probably couldn't sustain one! I guess I was just playing devil's advocate - whenever people start moralizing (rightly or wrongly) about other people's hypothetical private lives, I'm always jumping ... More
You NEED to write a body image piece for me for Eden Cafe. Must. Need. It's s compulsion. I can feel it inside you.

*blink*

09/17/2009
Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I wouldn't personally use it, but they have a right to run that website, and people have a right to use. I wouldn't, and I would be absolutely livid if I found out my partners were using the internet to facilitate cheating, but then again, I'd be pissed off about the whole cheating thing as a whole.

I saw an episode of Secret Lives of Women that included interviews with the owner of Ashley Madison and some women who used it, and honestly, not all of the women are using it without their husband knowing. Yes, plenty of people are using it to sneak around, I'm sure, but other people probably just consider it a nice outlet that's more oriented toward their age/culture group.
09/17/2009
Total posts: 19
Unique posters: 11