Dealing with the parents/in-laws

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Dealing with the parents/in-laws

seaofneptune seaofneptune
This has been plagueing me since the summer! I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now (5 months and it will be 2) - I couldn't have found a better partner for myself. He and I get along so well, that I feel like we are puzzle pieces that fit together. The whole relationship has been quite a learning experience, he's been my first serious relationship and my first in bed. He and I feel as if we could possibly get married someday when we are ready.

I'd like to think that his family and I get along great, but his father really rubs me the wrong way sometime. He can drive me up the wall sometimes - and I have a hard time dealing with it. To make matters worse, his father kind of rushed into proposing and moving in with his girlfriend of 3 months! My boyfriend and I are having some problems with the fiancee.

I just need advice on how to not let it all get to me, or maybe ways to deal with it a bit better. It's hard on me because it's a situation I have never been in before. I care a lot about his family, don't get me wrong - so I want everything to work out.
12/23/2009
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El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by seaofneptune
This has been plagueing me since the summer! I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now (5 months and it will be 2) - I couldn't have found a better partner for myself. He and I get along so well, that I feel like we are puzzle ...
Take notes? What to do and what not to do? Who's reacting how? things like that

No one likes to have someone say to them "You're doing this wrong" and things like that.

It sounds like you're really in love with your guy, don't let his family ruin it for you. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, smile and nod at them and let things go. "This too shall pass"

Good luck!
12/23/2009
Juliettia Juliettia
My Mother in Law tends to rub me the wrong way a majority of the time. She always has. I've learned by now just to ignore her her when she's doing it as it is not worth the fight or effort of letting her know she's pissing me off. Is it worth the fight to you of who's right and who's wrong when you know they are prideful?
12/23/2009
Gary Gary
If you could figure that one out, you'd have a best seller on your hands!
12/23/2009
Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
If you could figure that one out, you'd have a best seller on your hands!
I *know* why you're saying that, hubs...

And Julietta, I totally agree!!!
12/24/2009
Jen&Clint Jen&Clint
AHA the in law issues. My father in law is a sweet and funny man, but he has this humor that is just not funny sometimes. The things he says to people makes you think he is not thinking at all! He really let up on me when our youngest was born, being that she was born with alot of medical issues and spent 6 months in the NICU before ever coming home. He figured we just didn't need his crap to add to our worry and stress. Since she has passed I spent 6 months very depressed and not really talking to anyone he just kept saying stupid things that I really don't care to go into cause they just to me and my state of mind not something you say to a parent that lost a child ( she was 14 months ). The MIL didn't help either she was just so upset and in a way made it her place to make sure to point me out as the parent that just lost their baby. Really she looked like a 2 month old. I took anything and everything they said to me wrong.

Now that a year has passed I have come to peace with everything and they way I deal with their mess is I just ignore it. They tend to lay off when I do that. I have never understood why in laws have to mess with the other person. All in all when they are not bugging me they really are great, but I know sometimes you will have that one bad in law that you can't for the life of you make things work out with them. I hope you find something that works well for you sometimes they just don't think that what they say or do hurts.
12/24/2009
Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
It is strange how this seems to be a common issue (I do not say that meaning to undermind the seriousness of the situation), Do parents know when to let go of their sons or daughters? Even in my family, we had some major issues, whether it be my fater disliking (to put it mildly) my mothers mother... My mother seem not to dislike my fathers parents though.

Its just strange, then again I ask myself, would I be the same over protective jerk? I do not know.

I hope things work out for you, and sorry that i do not have any advice, I am not qualified to give any out.
12/25/2009
seaofneptune seaofneptune
Thanks for all the advice everyone, it's just figuring out exactly how to deal with the stress of it all that gets to me. I guess it's something that I will eventually learn and maybe even take time. I'm trying though, ha ha!
12/26/2009
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by seaofneptune
Thanks for all the advice everyone, it's just figuring out exactly how to deal with the stress of it all that gets to me. I guess it's something that I will eventually learn and maybe even take time. I'm trying though, ha ha!
I've heard that drinking alcohol can help. Is that an option?
I tried this alcohol stuff with my own family this last holiday. It really helped me when it came to discussions on politics and religion.
12/26/2009
Sammi Sammi
I'm thinking of Valium the next time I have to visit my Mom.

Seriously, I can handle visiting for about 2 days, but it's always so stressful, and even more so the past 2 years. I usually just try not to argue and be very agreeable.
12/26/2009
Viktor Vysheslav Malkin Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
I used to think drinking alcohol would help, and it does... which sucks now because I am trying to live "Healthier" so... no alcohol...
12/26/2009
Miss Jane Miss Jane
It's hard. I've been with mine for 3 years now and even though I'm getting used to his mother's 'sense of humor' and the way she words things, she still drives me crazy sometimes. But it's all about trying to see the intention - what they meant to do or say as opposed to how it came out - and just letting go/brushing off the things you don't like.

Also, it never hurts to accumulate brownie points. ;p
12/27/2009
seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I've heard that drinking alcohol can help. Is that an option?
I tried this alcohol stuff with my own family this last holiday. It really helped me when it came to discussions on politics and religion.
Ha ha - I don't really think that is an option on his dad's side, none of them drink so there is never any alcohol at the get togethers.
12/28/2009
seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
I'm thinking of Valium the next time I have to visit my Mom.

Seriously, I can handle visiting for about 2 days, but it's always so stressful, and even more so the past 2 years. I usually just try not to argue and be very agreeable.
Ha ha - I know what you mean, I'm the same way with my parents. I try my best not to argue now - I know I used to. It's better not to step on any toes sometimes.
12/28/2009
Envy Envy
My bf's dad is awesome, I like hanging out with him. He's like the dad mine never was, funny, sociable, kind, helpful, etc. My bf's mom, though, eesh. They don't call her the Red Dragon for nothing, LOL!
12/28/2009
seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
My bf's dad is awesome, I like hanging out with him. He's like the dad mine never was, funny, sociable, kind, helpful, etc. My bf's mom, though, eesh. They don't call her the Red Dragon for nothing, LOL!
Yeah, that's how I feel about my bf's Mom - she's great and makes me feel like part of the family. It's hard to feel like I fit in with his Dad and especially with his Dad's fiancee and her family.
02/02/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by seaofneptune
Yeah, that's how I feel about my bf's Mom - she's great and makes me feel like part of the family. It's hard to feel like I fit in with his Dad and especially with his Dad's fiancee and her family.
Look at it like this:

Who are you with? Them, or him? It is harder when you are just dating because you aren't necessarily permanent in their minds, my MIL about died when we got married. Talk to your boyfriend. Do they just make you uncomfortable, or do they outright not like you? There is a big difference.

My Dad is a pain, my sister and I are always clearing up messes because he drums u drama, and J and he don't really get along. I simply tell my dad that I chose J and it wasn't isn't decision who I am with.

Try to look through their eyes, maybe even go by yourself to go to lunch with his dad's gf and get to know her. You may end u seeing what he likes in her. Some people just need to be coaxed into getting to know you and know what rubs you wrong.
02/02/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
It's hard. I've been with mine for 3 years now and even though I'm getting used to his mother's 'sense of humor' and the way she words things, she still drives me crazy sometimes. But it's all about trying to see the ...
And sometimes the intention is no better than the tone. Or maybe I'm one of the few who lucked out and got a crazy bitch of a MIL
02/04/2010
missmandy27 missmandy27
For some reason parents have always loved me. Some have even considered me part of the family when I was just dating the guy and had no plans of a future with him. But, I would go with the advice of smile and nod. Scream into your pillow when you get home, have a beer (if you're legal and if not then a Pepsi/Coke) and just let it go. There's no sense in wasting time complaining about crap you have no control over. People are going to be who they want to be and if she's a difficult person to get along with, well then let her husband to be deal with it. Just focus on your relationship with your guy and forget everything else. And if you two do get married some day, then just make sure that you're father-in-law and her are place way in the back on the seating chart. lol Good luck to ya and hope everything works out for the best.
02/05/2010
seaofneptune seaofneptune
Yeah, I have been trying to see it from the "you are with him, not them" point of view. I guess that family has always been important to me and I don't want any extra stressors when he and I do get married. I guess I really don't have anything to worry about or that it's something I will learn to deal with as time goes on. Plus, there is no reason for me to worry about it right now because the finacee' might not be around much longer. My boyfriend's dad says she keeps going back and forth about whether she wants to stay with him or not. So I will only focus on making things work when I know she'll be around for sure. His dad told me that it's not something I should be worrying about right now.
02/12/2010
Liz2 Liz2
I would suggest you put your energy into your relationship with your b/f. That's the most important...if they like you, consider that a bonus..Good luck....
02/12/2010
Harlequin Harlequin
i don't get along with my mother in law and it does make things hard sometimes but i didnt marry his family i married him! just stay focused on your relationship and try to not let the issues you have with his dad bother you.
12/12/2010
Total posts: 22
Unique posters: 15