Emotional Affairs?

LOL that's funny! I guess they went back to what made them feel good since looks aren't everything!

For me I was not the mommy, but the "guys girl" that they could talk to about their girlfriends which never went over well with them when they found out. I can understand why. I don't blame them.

You will find yours Chillipepper!

Well, in response to this, the first thing I would do is be hurt, indifferent, and confused. I would wonder if it were my fault. Then I would wonder why the emotional affair happened in the first place. I wouldn't be angry at him, because I've had a crush on another guy while we were dating, and I told Jonathan about it. Also, I don't think it's as serious as a physical affair, and mine didn't last long. It was elementary, and I was still very much in love with Jonathan, just confused about our relationship. When he was ready, although this has never happened, I would confront him gently and in an understanding way.

I agree to an extent. I still think emotional affairs are worse because physical affairs have the possibility of being solely for physical gratification. I tend to think that a sexual disconnect is more easily fixed in a relationship than an emotional disconnect. At the same time, though, a lot of physical affairs occur for emotional reasons and can be a combination of the two, which complicates things.

You took the words right out of mouth... or well, off my fingers, lol...

Speaking from someone who has been there... and no, it was not my ex, it was me. I fell in love with someone else. I didn't feel the same way about my ex that I did before... actually, never felt the way about him that I did for that person that I fell in love with. I know I hurt my ex, and I am very sorry for hurting him and he knows that... but I'm not sorry for falling in love with the love of my life. The man I fell in love with is now my husband and we have a life together now.

I do, however, fear that one day Karma will catch up with me... but then on the other hand, I know that my husband and I share an unbreakable bond that we've had since the moment we fell in love.

I definitely agree with Airen--you CANNOT stop someone from cheating on you. You might be able to postpone it for awhile, but I really believe if you actively try to prevent it, you're going to become so paranoid, obsessive, controlling and suspicious that the relationship will be doomed anyway, and you'll likely do some serious mental a nd emotional damage to yourself. We can do more harm to ourselves than another person ever can; if a relationship ends because someone cheated on you, it hurts like hell, you may bear some responsibility, but you eventually realize you weren't the cause, another person let you down, and start to work on trusting people again. If the relationship ends because you've become a possessive, suspicious, and paranoid--whether there actually was any sort of 'affair' or not--then you become a major cause of the downfall. Plus, that obsessive paranoia isn't going to go away when the relationship ends; it's now become a part of YOU, and it's going to affect your future relationships--nobody is going to want to be with someone who's that jealous and suspicious. 'Getting better' for you then becomes more than a matter of recovering after someon e hurt you; it becomes an ingrained internal flaw that will poison most of your relationships until you overcome it. And, again, it's much more difficult to repair self-inflicted damage, because it's hard to heal when you're hostile toward yourself.

So many people have asked me, regarding my husband's foray into polyamory that's currently culminating in the end of 17 years of marriage, "Why did you LET him do it?" "Why didn't you put your foot down?" I 'let' him because I couldn't stop him. I told him how I felt, how much the idea hurt and terrified.me, and he did it anyway. If knowing what it was doing to me didn't stop him, nothing would--screaming, threatening, spying would have just made everything worse. "Putting your foot down" is just another phrase for issuing someone an ultimatum, and I just don't see that as any sort of structure to use to support a relationship. At...best?...I'd still have a husband because I forced a decision on him, and he'd probably resent me for it until the marriage fell apart anyway. If your partner chooses to do something he or she knows will hurt you, you may stave off one or two situations with ultimatums or threats, but what's the point? I know not everyone agrees with--or even understands--but I'd rather my husband 'cheat' on me, in whatever form, and use the experience to confirm whether or not he really wants to be with me than to 'hold on' to him with threats.

If the problem in a relationship is genuinely YOU, I believe that's full justification for divorcing you or ending the relationship. It is NOT justification for an affair.

And, after many years of marriage, and being a part of the first generation whose relationships can/are being or have been complicated by technology and the Internet--probably the biggest contributing factor in the evolution of the "emotional affair"--I think there's one guiding rule that will never steer you in the wrong direction: If you have to hide it, you probably shouldn't do it.

i would sit down w/ him & start asking him questions. if he's having an emotional affair, i would need to know w/ who, for how long, & most importantly, why. after giving all that we've talked about some serious thought, i'd ask out whether we needed to end the relationship. if no, then i would then ask if he would end it IMMEDIATELY & what we could do differently to prevent this from happening again. if he would not end it immediately, it would be over. an emotional affair would be something that i would be willing to get through w/ my partner depending on how far it has gone. once it becomes a physically sexual affair, though, then it's over no matter what he does to try & fix it.

I think they can be worse than physical affairs and often LEAD to physical ones.

Confront/hurt/confused /figure out why it happened