How long would you date someone before you got married?

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How long would you date someone before you got married?

Lily Night Lily Night
I hear about couples all the time who have limits on marriage. They always say that they have to at least be together for some amount of time before they even consider getting hitched. So my question is: Do you have a magic marriage number? and if so, do you have any other limitations?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I don't have a limitation. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be
Adriana Ravenlust , ~LaUr3n~ , Illusional , DeliciousSurprise , Selective Sensualist , Hot'n'Bothered , Kim! , J's Alley , leatherlover , El-Jaro , Darling Jen , Lady Venus , Liz2 , sweet sally , Hannah Savage , Not here , mllebeauty , Beth D , Kindred , Alicia , Miss Cinnamon , LikeSunshineDust , softcoeur , ZenaidaMacroura , Danielle915 , Lynk , Victoria , Pleasured n Aroused , kinky girlfriend , loveshocks , Blinker , BBW Talks Toys , donnasplaying , mnc5051 , razmataz , Redboxbaby , C4ss , UnknownGirl , 18 , onehotmomma , Vaccinium , ninaspinkturtle , 7Miles , Hallmar82 , daniel and frances , Dyma , Blu , slynch , mandiegk , LavenderSkies , Judas Iscars , sassyNsensual , ~Brittany~ , potstickers , (k)InkyIvy
55  (50%)
One year at the very least
ToyGeek , Sera , Gunsmoke , Yoda , Gatita , Dusk , DixieDoo , Taylor , Court , Kayla , GravyCakes
11  (10%)
two years
UrNaughtyaAngel , popples , thasric05 , Shellz31 , ToyGurl
5  (5%)
three years
Crystal1
1  (1%)
four years, and we have to live together first
Lonewolf , jakjak
2  (2%)
As long as we live together first, the time doesn't matter (as long as I know I won't kill them)
Madeira , Coralbell , Yiggi , Envy , Jul!a , Alegria , Waterfall , StrawberryEve , Brandi Rouxxx , sbon , Kimbertrees , darthkitt3n , lamira , REDRUM , Jobthingy , MaryExy , Ms. Paprika , Sohotdinosaur , sexygoddess
19  (17%)
Other (please explain in a post)
Sir , SexyTabby , Naughty Student , The Nakanas , Serendipity , Trashley , GeekWife , Chilipepper , Sammi , Pleasure Piratess , Airen Wolf , gone77 , Midway through , LicentiouslyYours , wolf's lil red temptation , Bunnycups , Lady Neshamah , Alura Une
18  (16%)
Total votes: 111
Poll is closed
10/18/2010
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Sir Sir
I would prefer that I lived with the person beforehand for at least a couple of years, see how that worked out. Then maybe sometime in the future, a marriage proposal would be made.
10/18/2010
SexyTabby SexyTabby
I went on my first date with hubby when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. He told me that night he was gonna marry me lol thought he was expecting me to be that easy! We got married when I was 21. Don't think we'd still be together if we didn't have so long to really get to know one another and find that deeper level of trust and love.
10/18/2010
Naughty Student Naughty Student
I have been going on with my man for 6 years almost and we will probably get married eventually but its not in the works right now.

I don't know how long I think is appropriate bcs it really depends on the relationship. I guess my main attitude would be to wait atleast two years.
10/19/2010
The Nakanas The Nakanas
We dated for two years before we got married, and would've dated longer except had to move to ND for a job and it was before the anti-cohabitation law (which was still enforced in 2007) was repealed.
10/19/2010
UrNaughtyaAngel UrNaughtyaAngel
I voted two years but it could be longer, I definitely feel you need at least a year to get to know someone well.
10/19/2010
Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
I voted there's no limit. When you just know, you know. To add, I wouldn't live with someone before marriage, if it could be helped. I wouldn't wait any longer than two years. IF you're not ready to commit, you're not for me.
10/19/2010
~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
I have a preference of course, but you shouldn't really put a time frame on things that have so many variables. I mean, like what if the guy lost his job and just didn't have the money to get the ball rolling in that department? Would you can the guy because a proposal or wedding isn't in the un-selfish foreseeable future? I wouldn't. Sure I'd be bummed, but putting limits on stuff like that just isn't my style. Thankfully, I know pretty much what my future holds and when for that department. I like being spontaneous though and prefer to roll with the punches.

The other way...I used to think that months would be WAY to soon, and 1.5-2 years was like a minimum to even realistically consider marriage planning. I changed my mind in the last 2 years. You can learn a lot about someone in a few months if they are the type of person that lets you in that quick. If that happens, it's no less significant than a 4-5 year long relationship in my eyes. It's really a relationship case by case thing.
10/19/2010
Lily Night Lily Night
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I have a preference of course, but you shouldn't really put a time frame on things that have so many variables. I mean, like what if the guy lost his job and just didn't have the money to get the ball rolling in that department? Would you can ...
I definitely agree with you, a few months can definitely reveal a lot about a person, but I don't think it would be quite enough to learn every quirk needed for a lasting relationship. I think living together would create a pseudo-marriage situation where you could decide whether or not you can handle how they live. But actual time limits? Also not my syle, which is exactly why I asked this question
10/19/2010
Illusional Illusional
If everything was picture perfect and fairytale wonderful... I'd like... maybe 3-4 years of dating first.
10/19/2010
Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
I dated my husband for almost three years before we married. We've been married now for 14.5 years. But I would have married him before the three years.
10/19/2010
Serendipity Serendipity
I'm not interested in getting legally married. I would consider a commitment ceremony perhaps and would imagine that to be at least a year after a serious committed relationship.
10/19/2010
Lily Night Lily Night
Quote:
Originally posted by Serendipity
I'm not interested in getting legally married. I would consider a commitment ceremony perhaps and would imagine that to be at least a year after a serious committed relationship.
That's really interesting. what's the difference between a wedding ceremony and a commitment ceremony?
10/19/2010
Lily Night Lily Night
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I voted there's no limit. When you just know, you know. To add, I wouldn't live with someone before marriage, if it could be helped. I wouldn't wait any longer than two years. IF you're not ready to commit, you're not for me.
My mom always said that I shouldn't move in with a guy because he'd never propose to me (I think she's a bit outdated) but I'm curious to know why you wouldn't want to move in before marriage.
10/19/2010
Trashley Trashley
Never! Never, never, never. Marriage just isn't in the cards for me, I don't think, and thank god :]
10/19/2010
Hot'n'Bothered Hot'n'Bothered
I voted no limit.

Hubby and I knew each other 3 1/2 years when we got married.

What works for one couple, might not be what the next couple has in mind. Case by case, however I could never see myself rushing into a marriage. (well hopefully I never get married again, ya know..)
10/19/2010
J's Alley J's Alley
J and I knew each other for 2 months before we got married...it's been 8 years now.
10/19/2010
Liz2 Liz2
As long as it takes. We are talking about getting married but honestly, no hurry. When the baby issue becomes very important, so will marry.
For me it is going on three years and we don't actually live together. He maintains a small apartment near his work and the airport (he travels a lot) so for now it works out.
10/19/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I'm not a big fan of living together. Young people should live on their own for a couple of years so they understand the demands and joys of living alone, and of course relationships get sprinkled in to that mix. Once you are sure you can handle life on your own, you're less likely to jump into playing house - just to get away from the parents.

With independence issues aside, I think you can tell fairly early on if things are a good fit - if both agree on this, it typically will take at least a year to test the theory and plan the event.

I realize that there are more exceptions than rules - but having a plan isn't a bad idea - even if you know it's likely to change.
10/19/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
My opinion:

People should live alone for some period of time, if it works out that way. I'm talking 100%, no people/only pets alone. You can really learn a lot about yourself that way, esp your own cleaning habits!

I also think couples should live together for a while before marriage. You can get a know the person on a day-to-day basis and not how they appear a couple days/nights a week when you see them.

I also think marriage shouldn't be a goal in a relationship; a marker, but not a goal.
10/19/2010
Envy Envy
My dad always says you have to live with the person first to know them better to see if you really want to make that jump, and I agree. His limit is after 5 years, then after 5 more years you have a kid, but I don't agree so much with the year span. I do say at least a year, maybe 2 or 3, but I'm not big on marriage either way so it doesn't especially matter to me. I just need to know the person for a long while and live with them a while to see if it will really work out. I want all the kinks worked out first before I decide to really commit, if ever.
10/19/2010
GeekWife GeekWife
My situation is an odd one, in that GeekHubbs and I dated off and on all throughout high school, and didn't get together "officially" until our senior year in college. When we finally did get married, we'd known each other for about 9 years. We did kind of live together before we were married, but we had been engaged for six months and had wedding plans already in the works. My mother wasn't thrilled about that, and five years later my dad still doesn't know!
10/19/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
However long it takes, although I will be taking much longer than I did last time.

He proposed to me three days after meeting online. I lived at home. We met after nine months (of fibbing on his part). Married nine months after that. Hell on earth for near ten years. Kicked him out last year. Divorce coming through (hopefully) next month.

Y'know, never mind about getting married again. I'd rather live in sin.
10/19/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
However long it takes, although I will be taking much longer than I did last time.

He proposed to me three days after meeting online. I lived at home. We met after nine months (of fibbing on his part). Married nine months after that. Hell on ...
Not judging - but when I read about experiences like this, it confirms my conviction that everyone needs to live independently before living together - married or not. If you know you can take care of yourself, you can enter relationships and living arrangements knowing that if things don't work out - you can still make it on your own.

It's great to see that you've landed on your feet and are moving on - good luck.
10/19/2010
Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Not judging - but when I read about experiences like this, it confirms my conviction that everyone needs to live independently before living together - married or not. If you know you can take care of yourself, you can enter relationships and living ...
Yes, I COMPLETELY agree about living on one's own first; I was too scared to do it that way was all, but it's nothing compared to being with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

Learn from my example, children.
10/19/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
I don't really have much of in the way of limitations, I think that if it's meant to be it's meant to be, however living together first is something that would be an absolute necessity for me. I don't want to lose half my stuff figuring out that we just aren't compatible as a couple living together.
10/19/2010
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
I don't really have much of in the way of limitations, I think that if it's meant to be it's meant to be, however living together first is something that would be an absolute necessity for me. I don't want to lose half my stuff ...
If things don't work out, loosing half your stuff will likely be the least of your worries!

If you are married you are legally entitled to half of community property (in most states). But if you're just living together you have no protection. If you come home to an empty apartment some day - it'll just be he-said she-said - what will the judge decide?

People think living together is an 'easy' way to try out marriage - but it's really not. You have no legal standing and I guarantee you that once you are married - you will both behave differently than when you live together.

'It ain't easy babe' - as the old song goes!
10/19/2010
Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
If things don't work out, loosing half your stuff will likely be the least of your worries!

If you are married you are legally entitled to half of community property (in most states). But if you're just living together you have no ...
Hmm. I've seen married couples where they came back to an empty apartment/house and didn't get any of it back either

I've only lived with my fiance, and we live with my mom right now. We were living by ourselves for a few months, but the place we were living fell through and we don't believe in paying rent if we can avoid it, so we're saving up for a house right now. I've had people tell me that we'll act differently after we're married, but I'm honestly not sure what would change? Other than now he'll be wearing a ring, lol. Do you mind if I ask what changed for you two after you got married?
10/19/2010
Sammi Sammi
We didn't have a set time, although we were engaged for quite a while before we did get married.
10/19/2010
Not here Not here
I wouldn't set a time limit for it.. but I wouldn't rush, either. I've been with my man for almost 4 years, and I don't expect him to propose anytime soon because we are not in the financial situation we want to be in to get married. We have lived together for most of our relationship, (it's hard to explain, but we were sort of forced to move in together very early on.. he had nowhere to stay so we made it work) so I know getting married wouldn't change things on that front. But we both want to be able to have the money for not only a nice wedding and honeymoon, but a house and furnishings. After all, financial issues are the biggest cause of divorce. Might as well lower the odds to start out!

And I have to agree with Jul!a, I would have to live with the person for an extended period of time before even considering marriage. It may be a risk, but I would never be with someone that I thought would be that vengeful, anyway. I think it's a greater risk to wait until marriage to move in with someone. You don't REALLY know someone until you live with them!
10/19/2010
Total posts: 81
Unique posters: 63