Interracial Relationships and Family

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Interracial Relationships and Family

Kim! Kim!
My sister is pregnant and her boyfriend was not welcomed at my grandparents' for Christmas because he is black. She isn't the first to get pregnant out of wedlock but the rest of us have found significant others allowed at family gatherings. I had no clue that they were racist and certainly not to that degree. She did not go at all. Nor did I but I wasn't planning on it. The gathering was Sunday and I had to work that night originally so I was going to be asleep. I probably wouldn't have gone once I learned about this though. In fact, work was cancelled due to the snowstorm effecting our workload and I found out prior to the party but remained at home.

So I really want to know, has anyone been in this situation and how did you handle it? Did your family eventually accept your significant other? Did you cut ties off with the family in the end? If you had a child, did your family love the child? If you, like me, are the sibling did you do anything to show support or show them that they're wrong?

Thank you. I really am at a loss what to do here.
12/28/2010
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Illusional Illusional
My parents will never accept my white boyfriend. I've been with him for over three years and nothing will change. My sister says as long as I'm happy she doesn't care what color he is. Really, cut the ties. You can try talking to them, but oldset people really don't change.
12/28/2010
PassionQT PassionQT
It's a shame, but you can't change them. Supporting your sister is great, she needs that and so does her bf. The best impact we can have is to teach younger generations to judge a person by their character and not color of their skin or sexuality, etc..
12/28/2010
Kim! Kim!
Quote:
Originally posted by Illusional
My parents will never accept my white boyfriend. I've been with him for over three years and nothing will change. My sister says as long as I'm happy she doesn't care what color he is. Really, cut the ties. You can try talking to them, ...
Thanks, that's what I'm thinking will have to be done. My step mom is fine with it but at the same time doesn't seem horribly supportive when it comes to standing up to or at least talking to my grandmother.
I'm sorry that your parents are that way. :-(
12/28/2010
PussyGalore PussyGalore
Based on the extremely limited details here, I am left to wonder if it's the person or the race that's the issue here.

My cousin married a Filipino girl and none of us can stand her. It has nothing to do with her race or ethnicity - it's because she's a controlling loud-mouthed Type A personality biatch with a capital B.

They have four children and we love their children dearly but if there is ever a holiday where we know their mother won't be there, we rejoice. She just makes everything so tense in already tense situations. (We are not a close family, hell we openly admit we don't like each other.)

So...really, is it the race or is it the concerns of your parents that your sister isn't being properly cared for in this relationship?
12/28/2010
PussyGalore PussyGalore
Quote:
Originally posted by Illusional
My parents will never accept my white boyfriend. I've been with him for over three years and nothing will change. My sister says as long as I'm happy she doesn't care what color he is. Really, cut the ties. You can try talking to them, ...
Are you sure it's the race or do they not consider it a real relationship because of the long distance? (Sorry if I am jumping to conclusions. Just from memory, I recall you mentioning flying out to see him and him ignoring you for WoW.)
12/28/2010
El-Jaro El-Jaro
At almost 3 years, I'm still not allowed to step foot into her parent's house. I'm hoping they change, but I'm not holding my breath. It's totally a 180 from my family's position with her.
12/28/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Kim!
My sister is pregnant and her boyfriend was not welcomed at my grandparents' for Christmas because he is black. She isn't the first to get pregnant out of wedlock but the rest of us have found significant others allowed at family gatherings. ...
I'm so sorry this is happening. I don't understand this type of behavior. My father was a University professor, so I was raised pretty liberal with all different kinds of people at our house, from hippies to people of color to GLBT people etc always hanging around. My dad had a party for some other professors and students way back in the 70s and one of the neighbors called the police because "there are hippies and (N word II REFUSE to say) on their lawn." The police showed up and were irritated by the silliness of this woman's phone call which wasted their time. The same neighbor once called my mom; one of my Sicilian cousins was over, he was a very dark skinned kid and she said, "Did you know P'Gell is playing with a (N word) child?" My mother calmly said, "Yes, that's my nephew." and hung up. Way to go, Mom.

In our nuclear family, we've tried very hard to eliminate racism. My Man's family is rife with racism and I cannot stand any of it. We see them very infrequently. My eldest dd has dated several men of color. The man who is her Life Partner is Latino, (he calls himself a "Mexi-rican" or a "Sorta-Rican" His Dad is from Puerto Rico and his Mom is from Mexico.) and he's simply part of the family. My middle daughter is dating a young Asian man and my baby's three best friends are a boy from Pakistan, a girl from India and a boy who is Brazilian. (OK. She is eleven she isn't a baby. But, she is MY baby.)

Oddly, his family had problem with ME, because I am olive skinned and Mediterranean. They wanted to know why he couldn't find "a nice Bohemian or Polish girl. Why do you have to date a WOP?" Nice, huh? They also treat one of his cousin's husbands this way. He's an African American man and they have a lovely, beautiful gifted boy and I have only seen her husband a few times. They are not kind to him. They are so nasty about it, that he simply doesn't show up for events anymore. If I were her, I would cut the SOBs off, but that's just me.
12/28/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
At almost 3 years, I'm still not allowed to step foot into her parent's house. I'm hoping they change, but I'm not holding my breath. It's totally a 180 from my family's position with her.
That is so sad. I always figure, if one of my children loves someone they have a LOT of merit. I don't understand how people can be so.......clannish....
12/28/2010
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
Unfortunately past generations can be very set in their ways. I wouldn't hold my breath for them to spontaneously become open minded. My family is the same way. In high school I briefly dated a Dominican guy. The first time I brought him over my family pretty much had a collective heart attack. He wasn't allowed back.
01/04/2011
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 7